What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

@Jerima

Made it obvious they were only interested in the baby and I was just a host

Hell yes, so many people do this. It’s all ahhhhh baby baby baby baby, and no thought for the mother who’s just given birth, and could do with a bit of kindness and even some help. It’s like you’re invisible l

My friend who came over. She was really keen to hold baby DS (first baby in our group if friends). She asked what 'all those spots' were in his face (baby acne/milk spots - v normal) and laughed. Then a few weeks later pointed out my PP regrowth hair 'haha, you've got lots of short bits of hair sticking up!' I could forgive the milk spots but laughing and literally pointing at my hair I have never forgotten. I was already conscious about it and it wasn't like I could do anything about it!

An in-law wrote to me I should be careful not to let our baby get fat.

A random stranger in the hotel restaurant on an all-inclusive holiday in Majorca waited for my fairly well-built DP to leave the table with our other DC before telling me to put my tits away (I was bf my daughter under a scarf) I held my own and gave him hell. Another woman came up afterwards and said well done for sticking up for myself.

A random old lady tore into me for having one of my babies without socks on in his pram (this is a cultural German thing, hasn't just happened to me).

Actually giving birth, the midwife said I would kill my son if I didn't stop hyperventilating.

A random, aggressive man called me a sow in Germany, again bf. I hate men like this, especially as I was discreet.

Ironically, the one that hit me hardest was when I was sat in a baker's feeling quite low and was minding my own business. A woman came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I replied I was fine, just a bit sleep-deprived. She then glared at me, shouted in my face that this wasn't normal before pointing to all of me! I said in my most sarcastic voice thank you for your support and headed off thinking wtaf.

There have been many, many delightful strangers however, whose kindness balanced out all the above.

Too many comments from my MIL but the worst was after DC3 was born. We live abroad and MIL had come to help out, I didn’t want her to, but to be fair she did help. DC3 was not feeding properly and I had a urine infection, so feeling pretty shitty. My MIL was making lunch, but we got into a bit of an argument. MIL told me I should be grateful for her help. I said that lots of our friends had help from parents.
She said’Yes, parents, not in-laws.’
My mother was being buried that day and I couldn’t even be there as we lived abroad and my daughter was 10 days old.

DS1 was my PIL’s first grandchild, as such DH’s only (older) brother and his girlfriend made their jealousy known throughout my pregnancy, despite saying years before they had no intention of having children. They would say “we should have been first” and “why didn’t you wait for us”. The day DS was born (16 hour labour with forceps and episiotomy), DH messaged them with a photo of DS...his reply: “good for you, we’re surprised ‘Caritas’ made it through”!

I'd like to thank everyone who posted support after I shared what my now ex did, I really appreciate all your kind words.

At the time, ex-'D'H was senior in the police and told me that no-one would believe me if I said anything (he was Mr Wonderful in front of everyone else). He threatened to have me sectioned.

It took a while, but I was able to gather enough evidence and he was sentenced to 12-weeks in prison (albeit suspended). I was awarded a lifetime restraining order against him too.

DS is now a fine young man about to start his final year of uni. I'm very proud of him.

I was told not to be so stupid when I told a midwife my c section scar had opened. I assumed I was being stupid so didn't look. Turned out, hours and hours later, that it had come open. I ended up infected, had to have another operation over a year later it it impacted badly on a subsequent birth where the baby and I nearly died.

About a week after I got out from a long hospital stay on postnatal. I was very unwell. I could barely stand, was incredibly delicate and struggling to keep my blood pressure down. 3 family members came round to do Christmas gifts, as I'd been in hospital over Christmas day. We expected a quick present exchange, hug the baby, then off they fuck. But no....they stayed hours, expected us to wait on them, got our toddler daughter so hyper she wee'd everywhere and stood over me watching me clean it, while I could barely stand. My husband was so busy cleaning up our daughter and doing desperate damage control and making endless teas, he didn't even see to ask wtf was going on.

My relationship with those family members never recovered and the next day I was hospitalised again because my blood pressure went so high I nearly had a fit.

@beigebrownblue what a lovely man - that brought a year to my eye!

My DS was just a couple of days old when my SIL visited and criticised the fact my stair carpet hadn't been hoovered recently. This was after suffering from severe SPD and on crutches throughout my pregnancy and a very long and traumatic labour. She only sent a welcome baby card several weeks later after my DH had to remind her to do so. She has 5 kids so knows what's expected. We no longer have any contact.

DH’s sister was quite mean at times when DC was small. She didn’t have a child at the time but having a child wouldn’t change her “just let it cry”, her life would be the same, knew everything etc etc
I did find the “just express/ just give it a bottle/dummy (DC wouldn’t take either) just chick it in a sling” brigade upsetting, particularly when they’ve not had kids or had them so long ago they’ve forgotten

Exp told me it was my fault that my ds was born early because I didn't eat healthily and exercise enough. She added that I was lucky he wasn't born looking like a chip.
I can see the funny side now sort of but at the time, desperately worried about ds in hospital I didn't take it well

She also wanted me to tell the neonatal unit that it wasn't convenient to discharge him on the Friday as she'd booked a nice hotel for over the weekend.
She wanted me to tell them that Monday worked better for me and was quite annoyed that i wouldn't.

I had a horrible time with DS. Turned out he had multiple severe allergies. The GP dismissed that suggestion and insisted it was reflux even though none of the medication he prescribed helped. He didn't believe proteins could pass through breast milk and said "frankly Mrs RS we've tried everything we can and your baby screaming while breastfeeding is a minor inconvenience as he is putting on weight "

After a spectacular demonstration of DS's allergies all over the nice GP and me and the health visitor (think a scene from the exorcist but formula), he at least had the good grace to apologise and was going to do some reading around the subject. 🙄

First time out of the house pretty much, in Homebase, someone I know only distantly (DH's friend's mum) came up to admire baby dd. 'I wish I could say congratulations on being a mum, but you aren't really are you?' she said. This was presumably because I'd said I was on maternity leave and was going back to work. I was so high on happy with the new baby I just laughed and agreed with her, like an idiot, but kicked myself later and still do.

My mother visited me in hospital the day after DS was born. She handed me a "gift" which my sister had purchased on her behalf from a seconds store on the way to the hospital. It was some kind of muslin/blanket thing. I can't quite explain how basic and un thoughtful it was. Nothing to do with affordability either, she just couldn't give a shit and it enabled her to say she'd bought the baby something. Not like she didn't have several months to ask what we would like or buy something nice

for everyone on this thread. It's frankly heartbreaking.

Mum asked me hows your discharge dear? I looked back at her for a few seconds with a wtf face, then gave my Dad a hard stare. He very quickly piped up I dont think she wishes to discuss that with you dear 😁

Nothing overly bad - but it sort of stuck with me, even though DS is nearly 6yrs old. I went to a weigh clinic when he was a couple of months old. Sat waiting my turn. A lady came over and said who she was and said 'I run a breast feeding clinic if you need any support' I said ' oh he's bottle fed' she stuck her nose in the air and harshly said 'Oh' and walked off. I burst into tears but complained about her to the HV.
Obviously it's not as bad as a lot of stories but it stuck and hurt at the time.

My older sister (size 8) arrived without invitation when I came back from hospital, announced she was 'helping' me and would stay for days, and proceeded to walk around the house in various tiny/see through outfits, looking hot and sexy. We were barely friends before she arrived.
The first time I ever told anyone to go home.

A relative sent a message (obviously not meant for me) being rude about our name choice. Was excruciating 😭😭

MIL refused to help out or babysit DS, literally not even once has she helped out but did come to our home to take pictures of DS and bragged about how she had a nanny when she had babies and could get plenty of sleep and rest.

@goldierocks

Short walk to visit my parents when DS was 10 days old. I was recovering from an accident I'd had early in pregnancy, plus a third degree tear & sutures from the birth.

On the way home, at the top of a steep hill with an A road at the end of it, (ex) 'D'H gave the pram a big push and let go...the pram started rolling away at speed, with DS in it. I obviously ran after it, then burst into tears when I caught it (DS fast asleep).

Ex then screamed at me for making a scene and that it was my fault for not being able to take a joke.

Jesus!!!!

My daughter was 14 weeks premature. It was a miracle she came out breathing. I was elated - the first person I called to share the news was my mum. The conversation went like this:
Me: We've called her Matilda.
Mum: Why? That's a dreadful name - it reminds me of Matilda from that book - she had such neglectful parents. Your father hates it too. You should have called her Isobel.
At this point (my legs still in stirrups in the delivery room) I was lost for words.
Mum continued to call DD "that baby" throughout her entire 95-day stay in neonatal intensive care.

When I was in labour I couldn’t get hold of my husband and my mum had to take me to the hospital. I eventually managed to get him on the phone and told him I was in labour. His reply was “well how long are you going to be because I’m on my way to Peterborough”. He wanted to finish the job he was doing before coming to the hospital. I was crushed

I had a very traumatic birth, nearly died, and I was just out of intensive care after a two night stay, I'd asked for no visitors beyond my mum and my husband, DH told everyone we'd let them know when I was ready for visitors. I was sat in my hospital gown with my central line still in my neck, bleeding everywhere, leaking from my boobs and DH's uncle waltzes in (I've met him once before). After DH said we weren't okay with that, a few days later when I was resting, one of my nurses popped in and said I had visitors, did I want to see them? She said she didn't recognise them and it turns out it, it was DH's Aunt and cousin who I've never met before come to have cuddles with the new baby bear in mind they were aware of our request, we'd had only closest family and no friends because I didn't want people to see me like that, why would I want people there that I literally don't know?

As my first ds was born, the Bounty photographer was doing the rounds. I wanted some pictures, so she very kindly hung about until my son was born. He was half an hour old when they were taken.

The next day, she knocked my room & after establishing I’d already ‘been done’, told me I looked worse than the day before (worse than I looked, half an hour after giving birth), then did a tinkly little chuckle to herself as she left. Harpie .