What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

Friend of mine (exfriend) had a friend for many years, since school. She had two children then got pregnant again and had twins. My exfriend refused to visit, as too much for her. I pointed out that she may need a hand, tough! She replied her children her problem. NICE

[quote PinguTheLion]@FuckingFabulous 4 years?!? Oh gosh you poor thing. Did paediatric ENT have any involvement with your DS? Mine is still under their care but dropped down to 6 monthly checks now. In a way i was glad of the noisy breathing because i could hear him clearly over the monitor. As he got quieter i actually slept worse because i couldn't hear him as well.

I look back at videos of those first 3 months before his first operation and I can't comprehend how the GP thought it was normal. 90% of my videos of him from that time are of his breathing to try and get them to see it wasn't normal. Makes me quite sad really. [/quote]
Yes, they did, they were the ones who said they'd only operate if he was seriously struggling. They checked up on him every three months to start and then he was discharged at a year old, when he had a chest infection and his breathing sounded like like old farm machinery! It was during the swine flu pandemic, and they refused to check him over because of that, then I got a letter saying he'd been discharged! Definitely understand about the quiet breathing terrifying you! It took me months to get used to the belief that his quiet breathing was a good thing and he wasn't going to die in his sleep. It did a massive number on me though, because when my youngest was born, he did not have the condition and I stayed up watching him and panicking night after night. Had an Angel care baby monitor I used until he was three, then a video one I only recently removed from his room and he is five. If I ever wake up suddenly in the night, I can't get back to sleep- I have to check on my kids. Two are teens, often awake and wondering why their mum is gliding into their rooms like a ghost to listen to their breathing.

Hi there,

Just wondering what the birthmark looked like. Was it brown? My DS born last week has a brown birthmark on his scalp and I’ve worked myself into a panic googling what it could be.

I was discharged from the hospital early evening and my mum and stepdad drove me home. Mum helped me in with baby and bags, helped settle baby into moses basket then left. MIL asked me DH when she could come over. He said the next day as we were getting sorted for the midwife coming in the morning. Later I uploaded a photo of my dogs looking at my DD in the moses basket as my Mum settled her and MIL went apeshit because my Mum had been there for all of ten minutes when she was told to wait until the next day.

Thankfully we are now NC with MIL.

Our NDN decided to drop a gift into us, with her 2 toddlers. DH let them in while I was upstairs having a quick bath. Both of the toddlers had streaming colds and were happily touching the baby and NDN had picked her up ...... 5 days later, baby was in intensive care in hospital with RSV having only come out 5 days before. She was in for 10 days needing intubating and tube feeding . She was born at 35 weeks, the baby following a stillbirth and that first month was an unbelievable nightmare due to someone's complete lack of thought.

Brillo the lack of thought surely from the your dp first and neighbours second.

I'm can't believe anyone would choose to be around babies when they are ill

Omg @BrilloPaddy That is awful MY DD was born at 35 weeks too and my stepsister came round a couple days after we got out of hospital with her toddler niece and was trying to get her niece to kiss my DD on the mouth. I'm not normally funny about germs but Jesus.

@goldierocks, @feb2022, @pandemumium, your stories all stuck out for me. Really shocked at all the experiences of screaming, abusive midwives and other health professionals generally on this thread and it made me so sad to read that your confidence went from 1 to 0 and has stayed there. Don't give that bitch the satisfaction! She's more suited to a job in a Nazi death camp than being allowed anywhere near a new mum in the NHS.

Your ex leaves me lost for words goldierocks - well done for getting him prison time. Hopefully karma was served by other inmates, I'm sure they were delighted to discover he was police!

Your MIL's disgusting put down on the day your mum was being buried feb was quite shocking. I feel so sad for you. This thread has made me think I will definitely stick up for any mums I see being abused in public from now on (although I would do that anyway) now I will be actively on the look-out!

I had the not being let into heaven malarkey. I said he wasn’t a very nice god then..

Not me - but one of our friends had her first little girl earlier this year, and she sent a photo in the group WhatsApp and said please keep it to yourselves as only you guys and the immediate family know, they wanted a couple of days to enjoy her as a new tiny family.

One of the girls in the chat saved the photo of the baby and put it on Insta and Facebook, tagging lots of people, saying congrats - and included the name, weight, time/date of birth and details about the birth (pain relief, forceps etc). And then said at the end please post your congratulations on this post rather than messaging her as she wants a few days to herself.

She was removed from the WhatsApp group.

@fairytwinkletastic that’s reminded me of something similar which happened to me. A very close friend of mine from uni literally dropped off the edge of the planet. We used to go on nights out together regularly, do regular coffee/brunch/lunch meet ups. I first noticed when all our other friends in that friendship group sent a group present when I was pregnant and her name was absent from the card. She didn’t send anything to acknowledge my baby, no present or card. Didn’t message to meet up (we lived near to one another). All of our other friends lived hours away and they all came up to visit and meet the baby. I eventually messaged her after once such trip from our friends and asked if she fancied meeting up also and she eventually met us. Barely heard anything from her since. She just didn’t want anything to do with me once I became a mum! I appreciate your lifestyle changes once you have a baby and that it was her prerogative if she wanted to have any involvement or not, but it still really hurt.

*one such trip

@Lockdownbear you're absolutely right! Probably anything they did that wasn't letting me hold my baby would have been wrong

Tbh they are lovely people and I know I overreacted but there was just something about it that I really couldn't handle (even with perspective thinking about sitting there listening to him cry upsets me)!

My first was born at 35 weeks.In hospital for 3 weeks.
A friend came to visit once we were home and settled.
She went to light a cig and I said sorry you will have go out the back.
She siad I didnt come here to stand in your back yard and said she was leaving.

My MIL didnt show much interest in her grandchildren.
She lived near the school where my oldest went so I would bump into her from time to time.
First time she spotted me walking to the school with the pram....shouted over the road whats that bloody big thing you are pushing,she didnt even cross the road to come look at the baby.

My son had eczema on his face so had a red complection.
I had just put the baby back in the car outside the shop and before getting in the car I stood chatting to someone.
About half a minute later MIL appears and goes and looks in the car,walks over to me and says loudly.
You shouldnt have left that baby in the car with the sun shining on him. He is sunburnt.
I decided then and there I was going to start being rude back......so I laughed and said what sun,I cant see one and for your imformation he has eczema which we would have told you if you had visited.She walked away.
After that she got fixated with scratch mitts.
Get those gloves off that baby its too hot.
I said not gloves,scratch mitts because he scratches his face because of the eczema.
Third time she said it I said stop bloody mentioning gloves when I have told you repeatedly why he is wearing them.

@MumChats sorry I didn't mean to have a go. But lots of mums would be upset if someone lifted their sleeping baby and woke them.
But I can totally get why it bugged you FIL trying to shush them when you knew no amount of shushing was going to stop the hunger.

My eldest was a nightmare to get to sleep and stay asleep. At one point we were staying with them, I'd carry the carseat in to the house hoping to get 10mins to myself. ILs would poke their noses in at him and boom he'd be awake. There goes my break.

@LindaEllen I had my youngest babies at home. A friend called me a shortly after I had my child. She didn't know I was in labour. I told her I had the baby and she was thrilled etc.
As soon as she put the phone down she posted ALL about it on FB. I hadn't even had time to tell the family! The only reason she knew was because she happened to call and it would have been weird of me to pretend I hadn't just had a baby.
I was amazed she had done such a crass thing. It was before social media was so omnipresent so I didn't think to tell her not to.

SIL told Dh while our 7 week old was in hospital with meningitis that "this just proves that her breastfeeding was a waste of time, he got sick anyway" Dh calmly pointed out that it's probably the reason he recovered so well and so quickly

What she said was awful but still, not sure I agree with your DH…

Mil visited in hospital despite dh saying I didn't want visitors..
In a week then home and dh was concerned fil hadn't seen ds... I was itching to get out so agreed to meet up so fil could see him. Met in a car park in local retail park. They walked over, fil peered in and mil looked hard at her watch and announced well he had seen the baby and they needed to go and do their shopping... Dh literally had to beg them to come for a cuppa.. Absolutely brole dh's heart.. Within a few weeks they had backed away altogether.. No back story.
Been nc since ds was 3 months old.... Nice start to parenthood for dh.
Twats.

@30degreesandmeltinghere that's really odd behaviour. Is there a sibling who could act as a mediator, to try and find out what the issue is?

I had just given birth at home, but the placenta hadn’t been delivered yet and my now ExDH jumped up and said he would have to collect my two girls aged 2 and 3 from MIL’s. He left and the midwives couldn’t get my placenta out, even with vitamin K. They had to try cord traction, which luckily worked but there was blood everywhere. DH comes back with my girls who start screaming at all the blood and keep me awake all night screaming. Apparently MIL was wondering why I had been in labour so long (12 hours!) so he had to collect them.

I was at the doctors for the 6 week check, baby starts crying as we are waiting. He wasn't bawling his eyes out, and as I hadn't done many public feeds at that point and the waiting room was pretty busy, I was pushing his pram and shushing him, when a lady - complete stranger - put her finger in his mouth!!!!!!!! She said sometimes they just need something to chomp on!!!!!! I was in shock and so relieved when my name was called moments later.

Apparently years before dh even had a gf mil declared she never wanted to be a dgm. Seems she stuck to her word... Sadly when she dumped us fil followed suit...dh begged to meet up and fil left a grown man in floods of tears (about a year later) in a cafe by saying he didn't want to be part of our family...
Honestly no back story.

That really is the weirdest thing. I could understand if she said No to any form of babysitting or childcare. But seems absolutely bazaar not to want to see you adult kids or DGC ever at all.

One day they will regret that decision. You can see it coming.

Her loss. She emailed all her friends a load of lies... She even tried to pass off gifts from her boss (who I had never met) as from her..
She got us nowt...
I wasn't bothered. But dh was hurt...
We haven't got sm so she has no idea what ds even looks like!

@30degreesandmeltinghere

Apparently years before dh even had a gf mil declared she never wanted to be a dgm. Seems she stuck to her word... Sadly when she dumped us fil followed suit...dh begged to meet up and fil left a grown man in floods of tears (about a year later) in a cafe by saying he didn't want to be part of our family... Honestly no back story.

That’s awful and so sad (for your DH). It’s completely their loss though!