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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 11/08/2021 21:43

That is so so odd, so she must have told people of the pregnancy, but wants nothing to do with the child.

There has to be some sort of history, PND, or some kind of trauma from her past that triggered on that visit to the hospital.
Not your problem but really odd behaviour.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 11/08/2021 22:17

Dh was an accident and he was never allowed to forget it. Won't say what but dh had a flashback of sorts soon after when he was really upset and I am very very glad she has no access to the dc...

Lockdownbear · 11/08/2021 22:25

Your poor DH, what an awful way to be treated by your own family.
Absolutely awful.

fairytwinkletastic · 12/08/2021 00:04

@Weredone thanks. I know its not as hideous as many stories here, but it hurt!

Newestname001 · 12/08/2021 07:33

@wewereliars

youlookingatme Flowers So sorry to hear your story, people can be vile.

I was adopted in the 60s, and recently got my birth papers. I had been told that my birth mother disappeared, in fact she had had post partum psychosis for 3 months after my birth. She was in a catholic mother and baby home and my heart breaks to think how she was treated by the horrible judgemental nuns. She was only 19 and had been brought up in care

Poor woman. Did you ever manage to contact or reconnect with her? 🌹

ChampagneKisses · 12/08/2021 10:57

When we moved into our first home it came up in conversation that we wouldn't be letting anyone smoke in our home. My mum said that if that was the case we wouldn't have many people visiting us because it was so selfish!!!!
Dd1 (first grandchild) ended up in special care when she was born. During the conversation about visiting I mentioned about not smoking before they came into the hospital (as all the signs said) and she was very confused about why it mattered and was really indignant about it.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 12/08/2021 11:43

We got married when ds wasn't quite 1..she rang dh ranting about his wedding outfit as (fil had told her what they-dh and fil - were wearing) and she had tried to ring the hire shop to change the order but they refused!! Dh went over and told her that actually she wasn't even invited!! She put the tears on.. We hadn't seen her for 6 months!
Been 6 and a half years now.

DiploCat1 · 12/08/2021 12:27

My first dd was premature, I was in labour for 48 hours and she was born at 5am, and went pretty much straight to SCBU. I obviously didn't sleep very much that night on a postnatal ward with no baby... the next day my PIL came to see us and the baby. The first thing my MIL said to me was "I know how you feel, I've had an awful night's sleep in the caravan..."

Fishycho · 12/08/2021 12:44

I gave birth to my first born at 7pm on xmas eve & got out of hospital 4pm xmas day . Went straight to Mums to show baby off.
My Mum ignored us then accused me of ruining xmas dinner because we were late! .

PetuniaButterworth · 12/08/2021 12:49

While in hospital lovely midwife came in before shift change to wish me all the best and swaddled my baby for me and put her in the crib next to my bed. I dosed off for my first sleep in about 48 hours. Was woken up 30min later to the new midwife on shift screaming in my face that I'd swaddled the baby wrong, she told me to strip DD down as she needed extra care and had to go into the incubator. I did as I was told through sobs and she came back in the room and berated me for stripping DD as she would get cold. Health care assistant was standing behind the midwife and I asked her through sobs what I'd done to upset the midwife and explained that she had told me to strip her down. Midwife stormed out of room and the HCA calmed me down and went to get the Doctor. The Doctor arrived and said DD was perfectly fine, I hadn't done anything wrong and that the midwife was under a lot of pressure because of COVID.

The next day Doctor was happy to discharge us at noon, evil midwife came round after and told me "this is my ward and I decide when you get to leave and it'll be 23.00 tonight if I wish". By 17.00 that evening she still hadn't let us go so the nice HCA from the day before came round and told me to ring DH to come get me and helped me pack and get DD ready. In the car journey on the way home the midwife telephoned to demand I return to the hospital but I refused.

I told my community midwife everything the next day and she said she had other mums complain about that midwife's behaviour and encouraged me to write it all down while it was fresh so that once I recovered I could submit a complaint if I wanted. It's been eight months and I haven't but I still get so angry when I think a out it.

THATmamaofMANY · 12/08/2021 13:05

@PetuniaButterworth Shock she sounds unstable!

ChampagneKisses · 12/08/2021 13:23

@pocpocpoc

Not a terrible story, just a funny one...

DS was just a few weeks old and suffering from colics on and off. I was in a supermarket when he started crying. A very exotic glamorous women approached me and asked kindly if DS had colics. I told her that he did and that we tried 'everything'. She smiled knowingly and told me that she can teach me an old method that her mother taught her ages ago when she herself had a baby. I was so intrigued and so grateful, I was expecting some little known secret from an far away land... She then told me to hold him over my shoulder and gently pat his back Grin

I was so speechless that all I could do was to thank her and look very grateful...

I wonder if this is because not all countries 'burp' babies? When I went to a group there were a few mums who just didn't. To be fair by the time dd2 was a few weeks old I had given up as she wouldn't burp, only trump!
Lily019 · 12/08/2021 14:23

After having an excruciating labour, I gave birth to my stillborn twin boys. I was dazed and heartbroken and still very drugged up, my SIL came to visit and thought it would a good idea to 'take my mind off things' by showing me some lovely new pictures of her then 9 month old baby boy.
Later the same day, a cleaner came in to the private room I was recovering in and cheerily asked what I was in for. (Private hospital, not all maternity) I told her about the twins and she proceeded to chat at length all about what a blessing twins were as she had twins of her own.
Ive gone on to have three healthy children but I'll never get over the insensitivity I experienced that awful day.

StrangeLookingParasite · 12/08/2021 14:36

Oh Lily, Flowers. Some people are just terrible human beings.

greyinganddecaying · 12/08/2021 15:25

I'm so sorry Lily. A few weeks after my twins were stillborn, the wife of a friend contacted me to ask if I'd like to meet up with her and her sister's babies/children (who I'd never met before) to "take my mind off things".

I don't think she meant any harm, but that was the last thing I wanted to do!

Babycarrottt · 12/08/2021 16:48

A few things spring to mind. Firstly, when I was admitted into hospital when DS was three weeks old, PIL agreed to have him. MIL said it was unfair (despite agreeing) because "babies of his age die in their sleep all the time". She also told me that I hadn't bonded with my baby. She then made a dig about how DS had "chubby cheeks, just like yours" - I'd just lost four stone and was looking deathly ill.

HideousKinky · 12/08/2021 17:10

In hospital just after I had given birth to DD2 and still a bit wobbly on my legs, my DH helped me down the corridor to the bathroom where there was no shower, only a bath. So I ran a bath and he helped me into it. Then he said he was just nipping back to check on DD2 and left the room. I waited & waited but he didn't return - the water got cold and I felt too wobbly to get up and out of the bath on my own. I was also very aware that the door was now unlocked and anyone could walk in on me, so feeling very vulnerable but also hurt that he seemed to have forgotten all about me.

Eventually I did manage to haul myself out and shuffled back down the corridor to find him cuddling the baby and relaxing in a chair!

It took him a very long time to understand why I was so upset. In general he is a kind and thoughtful man but he didn't seem to get it that someone who needs helping into a bath will obviously need helping out - also the sense of abandonment I felt whilst so vulnerable

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/08/2021 17:52

So many dreadful stories, and I agree that the ones regarding the HCPs behaviour are in many ways the worst, as they should know better!
Family vary so much, that it's not as surprising that they let us down so often.

It seems dreadful to think this, let alone say it, but I was almost grateful that my Mum passed away while I was pg with DS1, so I wouldn't have to deal with her potentially judgmental comments when he was born. She was prone to finding fault - said "oh no, now I'll have 6 DGC" when I told her I was pg (last of my siblings to be so) which in no way made sense! - and would have just made lots of negative comments, I know it.

I suppose the worst thing that happened, and it's really nothing in comparison with so many here, is that when I was discharged from hospital in Australia with DS2, they gave me a discharge form that I didn't read until I got home, that said "Baby deceased". He was not! Luckily I was on anti-coagulants so when the anti-coagulant nurse visited to check my INR, I told her about it and asked if she could possibly get it changed, as it felt really ominous and unlucky to have that on his discharge, as well as meaning that he'd drop off all health records and never get called for anything! She was horrified, and had it changed for me, bringing me the new discharge note when she next visited.

Lily - I'm so sorry that people were so utterly bereft of all sensitivity in your case in particular Thanks

Lockdownbear · 12/08/2021 17:52

@Lily019 @greyinganddecaying really sorry to hear both of you lost twins. Flowers

@HideousKinky that is the kind of stupid thing my DH would do. Generally quite caring but sometimes needs the obvious pointed out to him.

With my first pregnancy I'd suffered loads of pelvic pain so was slow walking. Week or so after the birth, he commented 'hurry up your walking like your still pregnant' - Duh - So would you be if you'd a ass full of stitches!

AveryGoodlay · 12/08/2021 22:23

It was one fat ugly baby though and still is What a disgusting thing to say. Whatever the baby's mother said to you, what you said is inexcusable, it isn't the baby's fault that you didn't care for what their mother said! Hopefully you'll get some class one day.

AliceTheCamelHAsFiveHumps · 12/08/2021 22:57

ok, so not a new baby.

but DD was 10m old and I had just sent her to nursery for the first time upon my return to work and had proper Mum guilt about it all. I was telling my friend about how bad I felt leaving her and all that, and what if something happened and she only had strangers to turn to etc she said "Oh, yeah that reminds me, a woman at work, has a friend who's baby choked to death at nursery the other day...."
great. thanks for that.... cunt.

coodawoodashooda · 12/08/2021 23:11

Scream at me like a piece of dirt.

ReggaetonLente · 13/08/2021 01:32

I thought the same @averygoodlay, horrible way to talk about a baby

AngelDelightUk · 14/08/2021 02:59

I honestly can’t believe some of these. They make mine look daft in comparison

For context I just need to say my DD’s Dad is my gay best friend.

When I went into labour I just wanted to be on my own for a while with no fussing. But then I suddenly wanted him there, phoned him up and had a go at him as to why he wasn’t. It was a pure combination of hormones and pain, he didn’t even know I was in labour. When he got to the hospital he told the midwife I was acting a bit deranged Hmm

When DD was a few weeks old I took her into his work and his, thankfully now ex, boss kept asking over and over if she was “the result of a turkey baster”. This continued until she left the company “by mutual consent” about 7/8 months later. It became boring very quickly.

I’m currently an emergency foster for my baby niece. I bumped into ex-boss a few days ago, who loudly asked in the middle of a town centre if my turkey baster had been busy again.

nevisbump · 14/08/2021 20:38

@youlookingatme, such a horrible thing to go through. I remember my gran always hating nuns, would walk away from them at chapel, turn off TV when on. The older I get and the more stories I hear I can understand why 😔

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