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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:
sashh · 10/08/2021 14:31

@Dita73

I know it wasn't remotely funny to you, but I did laugh at that, I think it was 'Peterborough' that did it for me.

DifferentHair · 10/08/2021 14:32

@Welshmaenad that's horrific. How is your daughter now, if you don't mind me asking?

Welshmaenad · 10/08/2021 14:42

[quote DifferentHair]@Welshmaenad that's horrific. How is your daughter now, if you don't mind me asking?[/quote]
II don't mind at all - she's terrific! She's 15, has cerebral palsy but attends mainstream school and is a netball ambassador, St. John's ambulance cadet, and does musical theatre productions in her spare time. I'm very proud of her.

VinylCafe · 10/08/2021 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VinylCafe · 10/08/2021 14:59

When I had my DD (in the '70s) I was in a ward with 3 other new mothers. I got talking with one lovely lady who told me her partner's parents refused to see their beautiful DS as their grandson but once they get married, they will acknowledge any future DC as their grandchildren. That poor baby was going to be left out just because his parents weren't married when he was born even though he had the same parents as his future siblings. I just hope they changed their mind once they saw him.

Newestname001 · 10/08/2021 15:59

@VinceBitMe

My own mother tried to have my son taken off me because she was jealous and wanted custody of him herself. She went to court and instructed a solicitor and everything. I was reported to social services who came and basically investigated me and my whole life but they found that I am an excellent mother and her claims were unfounded. My son is 20 next month.

What a nasty woman. Hope you cut her out of your lives. 🌹

MumChats · 10/08/2021 16:08

My PIL visited when DS was a day old. He'd been super settled and asleep all day, then I woke him to feed him and he started fussing... at that point MIL looks at FIL and goes "did you want a last cuddle before we leave" so i had to hand awake and hungry baby DS over to FIL. I found it almost unbearable listening to DS get increasingly agitated while FIL held him and ineffectively shhed him. Out of politeness I waited as long as I could bear (probably 5 minutes, felt like 5 years) and then grabbed him back. It really wasn't that bad but in my one day post partum state my hormones were raging and it really rattled me. I was upset for a long time after that I hadnt stuck up for my hungry DS straight away and I just kept thinking (and still think) WHY DIDNT YOU HAVE YOUR CUDDLE WHEN HE WAS PEACEFULLY SLEEPING?!?!?!

SparrowNest · 10/08/2021 16:13

@TooTrusting

What a bizarre woman. Glad you ditched them both based on what you’ve said

TheFirstMrsDV · 10/08/2021 16:44

@TSSDNCOP
Hi! I hope you are well.

Lockdownbear · 10/08/2021 16:46

Things were so different in the 50s and 60s you were treated like dirt if you werent married and there was no financial support. No council house for us. Many parents would throw their unmarried daughter out of the house.

Slightly de railing, At what point did Mother & Baby homes and adoption become a 'thing'. On both sides of my family there were unmarried mums in the 30s and 40s, with the children either raised by the Grandparents or staying in the Grandparents house until the mum married and moved in with step-parent.

It must have been horrific for these young mums in the 60s & 70s I'm glad things have changed for the better in that respect.

TheFirstMrsDV · 10/08/2021 16:48

This thread is so sad and enraging!

One of my kids is adopted and he came to us as a newborn because he is related and we emergency fostered him at first.

You would amazed at the amount of people who said 'Oooh I'll have him if he is going spare!' Like he was some sort of parcel to be passed around. They would act like I had no status in his life because I wasn't his 'real' mum.
It was bad enough in the early days when everything was stressful and I was worried about his birth mum but it was horrible when it was clear she couldn't keep him safe and we were terrified SS wouldn't let us keep him.
So please, don't do that to foster and adoptive parents. Specially not in front of the kids.

Lockdownbear · 10/08/2021 16:49

WHY DIDNT YOU HAVE YOUR CUDDLE WHEN HE WAS PEACEFULLY SLEEPING?!?!?
In their defence you'd have been raging if they'd woke your sleeping baby trying to get a cuddle.

Why didn't they wait until after he'd been fed? Rather than let him get upset?

TheFirstMrsDV · 10/08/2021 16:58

Its all coming back now!
When I had my second child the HV came round (you saw them a lot in those days). After she had gone I checked DS's red book.
She had made careful note of his 'broad nasal bridge and epicanthic folds'
She clearly suspected Down Syndrome because she thought he was dysmorphic.
My children are mixed race. The weird thing was she never followed it up. Just made a note of it. Do you think she described the facial features of every baby she met?

DroopyClematis · 10/08/2021 17:11

@Wexone

To the lady who said she was mad that her sister in law moved her hen to be nearer to her shortly after having her baby, can i ask why this was wrong? Am prepared to be flamed as maybe its also a thing that as i don't have children i don't understand ? i thought that would be a nice thing to do as she might be able to attend
I was a bit confused by this as well. Surely this was a kind gesture?
IncludeWomenInThePrequel · 10/08/2021 17:16

Maybe the person who posted that then felt beholden to actually go to the hen when she would have preferred to stay home with her newborn.

Vates · 10/08/2021 17:25

Babies honestly scare me, I know nothing about them so just stay quiet. I just held my 2 month old niece for the first time last week as my Sister managed to convince me that she was sturdy. She got some very annoying but not meant to be harmful comments when she had her first born nearly four years ago. One that made me laugh, with her, was 'everybody thinks they're the fucking baby whisperer!' when my Nephew wouldn't settle. And, no, he didn't stop crying just because Nanny was holding him.

Vates · 10/08/2021 17:27

Some of you have got really shitty comments. Way out of line! Sorry for what you went through.

DemBonesDemBones · 10/08/2021 17:28

@Starsky82 might be innocent. In my family whoever is the youngest is Baby (name). At the moment that's my 4 year old!

oharenttheyallabitnuts · 10/08/2021 17:35

SIL told Dh while our 7 week old was in hospital with meningitis that "this just proves that her breastfeeding was a waste of time, he got sick anyway" Dh calmly pointed out that it's probably the reason he recovered so well and so quickly.

She also told me that it was really weird to think I fed him with my boobsHmm

Mil referred to an expressed bottle as "that dirty stuff" I was still in hospital, it was my first expressed bottle, I was struggling to establish my supply and I honestly wanted to cry.

DroopyClematis · 10/08/2021 17:37

In my delivery, nurse asked if we had a baby name: we told her and she replied “ oh we had a baby called that last week!” Aye cheers. Don’t know why she thought this is what parents want to hear before the baby is even weighed !?

What's wrong with that? It's just chit chat , surely.

oharenttheyallabitnuts · 10/08/2021 17:40

Another one... a "friend" told me to
Make sure I told everyone that I'm "far too posh to push"
I had an emergency section after a failed induction, a placental abruption and we both almost died.
And she sneered at me because he didn't come out of my vagina. I've never forgotten that.

Another friend asked her daughter if she needed a drink (from me) while I was breastfeeding. I felt so uncomfortable.

oharenttheyallabitnuts · 10/08/2021 17:43

Oh and another one!! My brother and his new girlfriend came to visit the day after we got home from hospital.
Girlfriend wanted to hold the baby, I let her. She held him for an hour and he started to cry(due a feed) and she refused to give him back. She said she was well able to handle a crying baby. She may have been well able but I was the one with the milk... dh just took him off her..

crispsinasandwich · 10/08/2021 17:55

@Skyeheather

MIL and SIL accused me of holding the baby too much and said that if I didn't put him down and leave him to cry he would turn into a spoilt clingy Mummy's boy. They even took DP aside and convinced him they were right. DS was bf and refused to be put down. I told them to fuck off!. SIL and I didn't speak for nearly two years and MIL and DP kept their mouths shut after that.

DS is five now. He's very independent and not at all clingy. He is a Mummy's boy but what's wrong with that?

Well done you!
DroopyClematis · 10/08/2021 18:01

@Earthling1994

MIL reported me to social services because I was breastfeeding. She wanted me investigated for peadophilia and told me that breastfed babies die very quickly.
@Earthling1994 BLOODY HELL!!!
Cbd333 · 10/08/2021 18:10

We live with my dad (mum died last year) and he's just come back from 2 weeks in France. One of the first things he said when he saw my 4 week old, who has spiky brown hair - 'Oh, she looks like just Kim Jong Un.'

I told him I was posting his comment straight to this mumsnet group Grin