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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
wewereliars · 31/05/2021 17:48

She sounds lonely

WhatsGoingOnHereThen · 31/05/2021 17:49

I feel really sorry for her too. It's not remotely normal behaviour and there will be reasons for that. I get why they're humouring her, it's not doing anyone any harm and is bringing her happiness. I really don't get the OPs furious outrage about it.

DrSbaitso · 31/05/2021 17:49

Why wouldn't she knock on arrival? Why wait in the driveway?

Because if a random woman you've never met knocked on the door and said she was the MAMIL Send Off Woman and can she come in while she waits for your husband, you're going to call the police or the men in white coats!

AdaColeman · 31/05/2021 17:50

Well, some of them must like her and her muffins, or they would all give her the heave-ho.
There's probably more to her tale than you've been told OP!

Moonwhite · 31/05/2021 17:51

Many men don't care much about whether a woman is "absolutely mad" or even (heaven forbid) in her 40s. It's about validation and having their ego's stroked.

If they really don't want her around, they need to tell her their group is for active cycling members only and remove her from the group. Whether she's being kept around for comic relief or the prospect of some other kind of relief, it's not nice.

Moonwhite · 31/05/2021 17:52

And it's telling that you've never heard a word about this before if it's all such a baffling head-scratcher. You'd think your DH would at least mention her in passing.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 31/05/2021 17:53

I really don't get the OPs furious outrage about it.

Me neither, the fury and outrage seem really over the top and out of all proportion.

fearfulfran · 31/05/2021 17:54

Do you know any of the other wives? Surely this would have happened at the other lunches too? You need to ask around the other wives

Sodamncaughtinthemiddle · 31/05/2021 17:54

Apart from her sounding a little eccentric I don't really understand what the OP is so annoyed about

TheRebelle · 31/05/2021 17:55

She sounds odd, anyone with an ounce of social skills would pick up that they’re not part of the group if they’re not actually cycling but I can see why it would be awkward to actually tell her to piss off. When she gets the pom poms out do they wait to be cheered off (for want of a better phrase) or does she just do it as they’re disappearing into the distance?

Ohtheplacesyougo · 31/05/2021 17:56

I feel sorry for her. I don’t think she is shagging any of them (why do mumsnetters always assume this!!!). she’s probably lonely, I think it is kind they allow her to join them. They have more of a heart than many of these posters.

flowerbombVR · 31/05/2021 17:58

I'd be wanting to know who exactly she is turning up for op

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 31/05/2021 17:58

I feel a bit sorry for her as she sounds like a bit of a saddo and clearly being encouraged/lead on by someone in your husband’s little group. She didn’t get onto that WhatsApp group without an invite. Easiest way to find out who’s shagging her or at least enjoying her company the most is removing her from the group and seeing which one adds her back. Do you know any of the other MAMIL’s wives? If you’re friendly even vaguely with any of them then no wonder they all kept quiet. But someone in that group is definitely enjoying her muffins...

VettiyaIruken · 31/05/2021 17:58

And it's not occurred to any of them to remove her from the WhatsApp group and change their meeting place?

It is so easy to get rid of her that the only reason it hasn't happened is that they (some, all, one) want her there. 🤷‍♀️

SpringlikeBunk · 31/05/2021 17:59

I’ve done some “meet-up” groups for activities in the past

and yes there often are people who turn up even if they aren’t engaging with the activity.

Especially if there’s a social element involved like sitting in cafe - you can’t really bar the doors!

The trouble with free open access events is that often they aren’t really big enough to have a formal admission structure or subs in place

it’s then hard to stop people just turning up who want a date or to hang out with the members etc. Eg:

  1. Activity group for under 35 year olds - one guy who was blatantly well in his 40’s and even somehow managed to get into organising a weekly meet and creeping out every woman attending!
  1. Language learning/exchange groups are notorious for this - older men who just want to meet Spanish/Japanese younger women new to the country (no interest or ability in language learning)
  1. Online fashion forum - the site owner stopped the forum being publically visible and made sure new members posted sensibly a few times as they were getting Male women’s clothing fetishists in there!

Maybe the group needs to have policies in place (eg formally complete X number of rides or you’re not a member).

But it’s down to the group to do it sensibly for this woman.

I agree there seems to be a “chasing a boyfriend” element of this. I suspect the organisers of the cycling group just don’t want the hassle of having to deal with any drama!

Nicolastuffedone · 31/05/2021 17:59

Is your husband Forrest Gump?

TheCreationOfDistance · 31/05/2021 17:59

I haven’t RTFT (groan, I know!) but she brings to mind Cha Cha DeGregorio from Grease Shen she took out “a lock of hair. FROM HER CHEST” at the start of the Thunder Rd race, and waved them off with her scarf 🤣

Cha Cha De Pompomrio

You have my sympathies!

Coniferhedge · 31/05/2021 17:59

The thing is, if she really did have an interest in cycling and wanted to join a cycling group, wouldn’t she find an alternative better suited to her abilities? Just my personal opinion, but if it was me I’d have been embarrassed if I went out with this group and could only keep up with them for a short time. Plus, as well as being in a group more suited to my ability, I think I’d prefer a mixed group with more women or even a women only group. Being in London, I’m sure there will be women’s cycling groups around.

AntiSocialDistancer · 31/05/2021 18:00

I bet you 50p if you ask him for his phone for the bike whatsapp group she's not in it.

You sound dumber than you think your husband's cycling group is, to swallow any of that nonsense.

Her child is either his, or your husband has met him.

Every single thing she says about needing someone to go to her house, about spending time with her child etc was to make your husband sweat.

This thread is a lie, or you're not seeing the the truth.

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 18:01

I am slightly annoyed that I get lumbered with the lunch for these people anyway because, although they are all fine, they are all men and I don’t join them myself. I just do it as a favour very occasionally because apparently other wives do it and it’s our turn and it’s not often, blah blah. But even though I find it mildly patronising, at least I have met most of them before, but she just tagged along on hearing about it from them on the day and I would not do that myself. I don’t run a bloody free-for-all restaurant. I can’t imagine showing up at someone’s house with a load of men and then holding court in the garden.

OP posts:
Mummapenguin20 · 31/05/2021 18:01

Wtf

toocold54 · 31/05/2021 18:03

She turns up at 7am every Sunday and has got on the WhatsApp

Basically she is part of the club but your DH didn’t tell you about her so now he has to pretend she’s crazy.

TheCreationOfDistance · 31/05/2021 18:03

@StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear “ But someone in that group is definitely enjoying her muffins...”
😁🤣

FuckingFabulous · 31/05/2021 18:03

Yabu to think your husband is this adorably dim. I'm not saying he's the one basking in the glow of this admiration. But someone is and he knows it

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 18:04

“Her child is either his, or your husband has met him,”

Confused

Her child is about 18 from the impression I got.

I’m really not worried he’s having an affair with her. It’s not that. It was more the situation I found irritating and patronising.

OP posts:
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