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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 31/05/2021 18:04

She reminds me of the character of Rugby Slut in The Big C. The men all played dumb and pretended she was just a big fan of amateur rugby, but Laura Linney well and truly had her number.

This woman needs a nickname too; something more original than Cycling Slut. Menstrual Cyclist, anyone?

Tlollj · 31/05/2021 18:05

Well someone is shagging someone definitely.

Coniferhedge · 31/05/2021 18:07

Sorry OP, but I think you’ve all made a rod for your own backs agreeing to provide lunch for this group. My husband is a MAMIL and part of a group and all the group no better than to ask any of the wives/partners to lay on lunch. They just factor in a couple of cafe stops on their routes. There’s no way any of us would agree to that! Put your foot down!

Flowers500 · 31/05/2021 18:07

She sounds crazy but utterly harmless, I don’t understand your venomous reaction to this? If there’s food for 8 people I can’t imagine someone else also eating changed anything. Just move on!

FakingMemories · 31/05/2021 18:07

Somethings not adding up here. Who invited her into the group chat? How did she know they meet at this cafe? 7 am is bloody early on a Sunday to be out and about going to a random cafe on the off-chance that an all-male cycling group would be meeting there if you were a frustrated single woman looking for a hook up. She must have known the time and place.

And are comes to the lunches but your husband never even thought to mention to you that she would be coming? I know it’s only one extra person and there was probably enough food for all but how would you know how many places to set at the table? Or how many emergency chairs to get out of the garage? It’s not very courteous to give someone the address if where to go for lunch and not even tell the homeowner that this person is coming and that they will be arriving an hour before everyone else.

They need to remove her from the group chat and just tell her that this a cycling group for people who cycle together. Get back in touch when you want to cycle with us. It’s not difficult. These are grown men, not awkward pubescent teens. My money is on someone’s already shagging her.

Coniferhedge · 31/05/2021 18:07

Sorry, know, not no better! Blush

Cocolapew · 31/05/2021 18:08

"The child is his" fucking hell that's a leap 😅

LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 31/05/2021 18:08

She knows where you live
She probably knows where your husband's boxing club is
She knows when he goes cycling and to which cafe

Why hasn't your DH ever mentioned her at all? He and the other cyclists must have known there was a strong possibility that she would turn up to your lunch and take over. Why didn't he warn you about her? I would be letting him know that this was really not ok.

Flowers500 · 31/05/2021 18:08

Removing her from the group chat is just mean. She doesn’t do any harm and she’s clealry more than happy to provide refreshments herself, so what’s wrong?

fearfulfran · 31/05/2021 18:08

You need to speak to the other wives

Onairjunkie · 31/05/2021 18:09

Someone’s giving her all the information, someone invited her to join the group, someone tells her where they’re all meeting, so who is it? It’s a bit nasty for them to include her and then mock her when she turns up.

Merchymor · 31/05/2021 18:10

unless your husband does similar for you, YABU making a bunch of men lunch when you're not even involved in the activity, like a cricket tea!

DeRigueurMortis · 31/05/2021 18:10

Frankly I'd be amused at the idea of middle aged men getting sent off with Pom poms - how very cringeworthy for all involved.

In equal measure I'd be pissed off at having to sort lunch for 8 men in facilitation of their hobby/social life.

AntiSocialDistancer · 31/05/2021 18:10

@StillCoughingandLaughing

She reminds me of the character of Rugby Slut in The Big C. The men all played dumb and pretended she was just a big fan of amateur rugby, but Laura Linney well and truly had her number.

This woman needs a nickname too; something more original than Cycling Slut. Menstrual Cyclist, anyone?

The MAMIL Maneater Grin
saraclara · 31/05/2021 18:13

I have no idea why you're so angry. The poor woman is clearly not quite right, and the blokes don't have the heart to scare her off.

In your position I'd just roll my eyes a bit and feel sorry for her. But I'd be absolutely livid at being expected to cater for everyone's lunch because I'm a wife. Good grief, is this the 1950s?

wdmtthgcock · 31/05/2021 18:13

One or more of the men fancy her. Or she's having a relationship with one of them. If this was not the case they would not entertain this nonsense for one minute.
All they have to do is boot her out of the WhatsApp group. End of.
She then wouldn't know when or where to turn up with her fucking pom poms to wave them off.
If they always meet at the same cafe they could change this for a few weeks without letting her know so she can't just show up like that.
But they don't want to... I think they like having this groupie around.

Odd that your DH never mentioned it to you before.

IAmADoorbell · 31/05/2021 18:14

I’m really not worried he’s having an affair with her.

There is one born every minute! Good God. Of course he is.

Faevern · 31/05/2021 18:15

Am I the only one who doesn’t like the way you have written about this woman, called her a nut job, a lunatic, absolutely mad, dissed her clothes and her bike. When really it’s the men at fault.

They could meet elsewhere, they could have told her she wasn’t invited, your DH could have texted and warned you. Why be so derogatory about her, they clearly encourage her, she clearly has more chat with them if she knows about boxing for example.

She arrived before they did, you still haven’t said who gave her your address, someone must have spoken to her and said they were coming for lunch and told her where. They can delete her from WhatsApp.

She really didn’t tag along uninvited and gatecrash your lunch, I think you protest too much.

hibeat · 31/05/2021 18:16

She's someone's mistress. They are all covering.

MorganKitten · 31/05/2021 18:16

I think she sounds lonely and wants to be part of something.

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 31/05/2021 18:16

@AntiSocialDistancer

I bet you 50p if you ask him for his phone for the bike whatsapp group she's not in it.

You sound dumber than you think your husband's cycling group is, to swallow any of that nonsense.

Her child is either his, or your husband has met him.

Every single thing she says about needing someone to go to her house, about spending time with her child etc was to make your husband sweat.

This thread is a lie, or you're not seeing the the truth.

This is one of the strangest replies I've ever seen on mumsnet. Really active imagination out today!
wdmtthgcock · 31/05/2021 18:17

I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

Plenty of people. I can assure you.
My Dad had a woman going on like this with him a few years ago. She'd turn up to events he was at to cheer him on and really made a nuisance of herself. She was 65 I think.
Dad died a couple of years ago and she turned up the funeral but fortunately managed to behave herself.

wdmtthgcock · 31/05/2021 18:18

Her child is either his, or your husband has met him

Yeah, random pom pom woman turns up and makes a nuisance of herself around a group of 8 men and the take home from that story is that the child is his. Hilarious.

Librariesmakeshhhhappen · 31/05/2021 18:18

OP, I do agree with the posters questioning your reaction and also how insulting you are being.

They added her to their groups chat. They give her details of where to meet them. They sit and chat to her at these meetings. None of that happens with no input from the men and you're just being so so mean about some woman you literally just met. You're not coming out of this looking great.

UhtredRagnarson · 31/05/2021 18:20

This is a bit harsh, OP had to run around cooking lunch for her as well as the others.

No, she didn’t!

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