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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 15:40

“Do the men actually want rid of her OP?”

Probably, but I reckon they don’t really talk like that among themselves - ie who is that woman and how can we get rid of her? It’s like they don’t connect anything. It’s hard to say without asking them. In general, to be perfectly honest, they tend to talk about themselves - what they have achieved and finances / business. Also fastest times and Strava etc. That’s how they interact as far as I can see. It’s never anything personal.

OP posts:
DuncinToffee · 01/06/2021 15:48

Well then just leave her and them to it, it's not like you ever have to meet her again.

Cowbells · 01/06/2021 15:50

@overnightangel

I wonder how many women’s lives have improved after marrying a cyclist or having a husband who takes up cycling
Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
Keeping2ChevronsApart · 01/06/2021 15:51

@lottiegarbanzo

She's just having fun! Some women love 'looking after' men, flirting and giving them attention. They see it as harmless friendliness. So do many men.

I don't know if anyone on the thread listens to The Archers but this woman sounds like a bit like Joy Horville. Lonely, sociable, tries a bit too hard and is a bit OTT (but actually lovely, helpful and a good friend). Much misinterpreted by jealous wives and offspring.

I love Joy! Hope this one doesn't suddenly strip off too!
lottiegarbanzo · 01/06/2021 15:54

Ha! Only as a favour, if someone needs her to.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 15:56

I think men like this don’t really ask those kind of questions when they’re in groups.

I do an extremely male dominated hobby, and I can assure you that men 'gossip' about other people just as much as women do. They may not do it in front of you, but they certainly do it.

Susannahmoody · 01/06/2021 16:01

except when DH and I got married and then went on our honeymoon and she waved us off .... at Heathrow. Which is a 2 hour drive away from where we live.

^

Omfg lolz Grin

HavelockVetinari · 01/06/2021 16:03

This thread is utterly hilarious! Grin

OP, in the real world of course everyone would agree that she's totally batshit. However, this is the bonkers world of MN, so clearly you're [delete as appropriate] jealous of her/threatened by her/annoyed she didn't help serve the lunch/worried Batshit's child was fathered by your DH Grin

Honestly, I'm really enjoying some of the more batshit responses to this thread, it's very entertaining!

Trayble · 01/06/2021 16:07

Totally agree Havelock she is absolutely barking mad.
Getting older you realise there a surprising amount of odd people around, she is definitely one of them and based on some of the replies on this thread there are a fair few on Mumsnet as well.

ConstanceGracy · 01/06/2021 16:15

I don’t really see the issue if you’re not worried your dh will run off with her or something .. yes she’s a bit of a loon and doesn’t seem to have manners but she seems harmless.
She’ll get bored eventually and if it’s a real issue for you then just don’t let her in your house next time and tell her it’s because last time she was quite rude.

Coconuttts · 01/06/2021 16:41

Pom poms though. Everything else is bad enough, but middle aged cheerleader is just horrible.

AvengingGerbil · 01/06/2021 16:46

Do you know any of the other wives/partners well enough to ask them whether PomPomLady has showed up at their houses as well? Or if they know anything about her?

Maireas · 01/06/2021 16:46

@HavelockVetinari

This thread is utterly hilarious! Grin

OP, in the real world of course everyone would agree that she's totally batshit. However, this is the bonkers world of MN, so clearly you're [delete as appropriate] jealous of her/threatened by her/annoyed she didn't help serve the lunch/worried Batshit's child was fathered by your DH Grin

Honestly, I'm really enjoying some of the more batshit responses to this thread, it's very entertaining!

Very true! Also, add "sexist" and "misogynist" because there's nothing some people like better than to accuse women of that Hmm
UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 16:49

Do women in their late 40s actually go out of their way to have affairs with married men?

As much as married men go out of their way to have affairs with women in their late 40’s.

Btw OP you keep referring to her being in her 40’s. Is that really old to you?

SunnyMustard · 01/06/2021 16:57

@BramStoker

It sounds like your DH isn't being completely honest with you

At least 1 of the group of men is feeding her information about meet ups, routes etc to allow her to continue following them

Yes it is a very odd way to choose to spend your weekend but no more strange than spectating any sport I suppose

It wouldn't be difficult to get rid of her if they wanted to so it appears that they must enjoy her company and attention to some extent

Finally some common sense. Husbands are just afraid it will look bad, hence ridiculing.
4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 17:00

No I don’t think late 40s is really old, just old enough to know better.

OP posts:
4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 17:02

“it is a very odd way to choose to spend your weekend but no more strange than spectating any sport I suppose“

Er, there is nothing to spectate? They just ride off.

OP posts:
CocoStar555 · 01/06/2021 17:02

"But it’s very odd to drive around a cycling route."

I missed this detail yesterday. So if she actually drives around the route, this gives her an important role in the cycling club. Punctures, other breakdowns, exhaustion, medical issues. This is why there are support cars in road cycling events. Giving up her time to do this is extremely generous of her and it's churlish for the OP's husband to write her off in the way he has done. I really doubt that the rest of the club perceive the woman in this light.

Furthermore, it would be incredibly rude not to invite her to the lunch after she's gone out of her way to provide a "support car" service for the cycling club.

This now makes me question why the OP's husband has said what he has said, and why he failed to mention the woman. I would be suspicious, unless he only did this because he knew it would trigger a reaction from his wife.

DrSbaitso · 01/06/2021 17:04

@4cats4kids

Yes, I reckon she would “follow the shoot” if she was in the countryside. Can’t think of anything more vile, tbh.

Hoover, that’s a good question and I asked DH this, but all he seems to say is that he doesn’t think any of them know her or how she came to be there. But I think men like this don’t really ask those kind of questions when they’re in groups. I find it strange, but he never knows details about anything like that as for whatever reason it doesn’t occur to him to ask, if that makes sense?

Based solely on what you've told us, I actually don't think she seriously intends to seduce anyone. Blanket come ons to the whole group ("can any of you come and fix up my bike, I don't care who", or muffins and pompoms for all) don't really work as well as more private ones that make someone feel as if they've been "chosen". If you were there in front of her when she tried to wangle a boxing lesson, that's just going to make him even less likely to say yes. Sure, I'll piss my wife off right in front of you...

From what you've said, I really really think she just gets off on acting out a cheerleader/grid girl fantasy, and has as much interest in actually shagging any of them as a real promo girl would. It may be that she additionally likes the idea of men paying her attention in front of their wives; some women are like that, though tbh not very many. It certainly doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about as you trust your husband, and honestly I think anyone who was seriously on the pull would have more game than she's showing. She's just enjoying being the sexy ornamental woman for the homogenous man-blob, nothing more personal.

If she is being a bit hostile towards you (oddly, not something an actual promo or grid girl would do as their job is to be cheery and welcoming to all), well, some women are like that when they're in this mode and she's not really a grid girl so no wonder if she's crap at the job. The only way to win is not to play.

OrangePowder · 01/06/2021 17:05

It's very odd to know the intracacies of a cycling route unless someone has specifically given you the details and asked you to support them. It's rarely the shortest way from A to B

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 17:05

She is NOT a support car. Punctures indeed Grin

OP posts:
PrincessTuna · 01/06/2021 17:08

Oh my word this thread has tickled me. Pom poms???!!! The men not talking about a completely weird situation. People really are bonkers arent they?!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 01/06/2021 17:11

@OrangePowder

It's very odd to know the intracacies of a cycling route unless someone has specifically given you the details and asked you to support them. It's rarely the shortest way from A to B
If she's in the WhatsApp group then the rough route is probably posted there eg "we'll head out to A, take the back road to B and loop round to C for a coffee stop at X cafe."

I'm in a cycling group and this sort of thing is posted all the time. You don't need to know the exact route, but if you know where the coffee stop is planned for you can get there.

CocoStar555 · 01/06/2021 17:16

@4cats4kids

She is NOT a support car. Punctures indeed Grin
You didn't even know she existed until she turned up at your house, so how can you be confident about what her role is? The explanation given by your husband, which you have chosen to believe, is frankly not credible.

Just because there haven't been any cycling mishaps during any of the meetups, doesn't mean her presence (i.e. availability of her car) isn't valued. Or are you seriously suggesting that she would refuse to pick up any cyclist who'd suffered an issue that meant they could not continue? On the face of it, she is providing a support car.

hiimjackie · 01/06/2021 17:21

She might be like the F1 safety car, in case one of them fall off