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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
Benjispruce3 · 01/06/2021 14:47

They need to set up a new WhatsApp group but leave the other one going. Then she won’t know the plans.

JustLyra · 01/06/2021 14:51

@Benjispruce3

They need to set up a new WhatsApp group but leave the other one going. Then she won’t know the plans.
Why would they when they clearly have no objection to her?
deydododatdodontdeydo · 01/06/2021 14:52

I feel quite bad for pom pom lady! She seems quite lonely to be honest.

Me too, and I'm sure telling her to fuck off will do wonders for her self esteem.

Maybe the guys just like having muffins made for them?
She sounds very odd to be sure, but I don't think she's done anything bad enough to be told to bugger off.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 14:53

@4cats4kids

“If this is the case, I assume your DH told her straight up that it wasn't a suitable place for her? I assume he politely said that it wasn't somewhere that non-members r beginners would be welcome, and that she should check out her local gym?”

Yes he said there’s nobody there to train ladies or to take classes as such.

So why are you so angry and defensive about it? She asked, he said no. Why all the exclamations of "the audacity!" and "as if!" ?

Although the fact that your DH was perfectly capable of politely but firmly saying 'no' shows that these men would be able to get rid of her if they choose to.

SallyCinnabon · 01/06/2021 14:54

She waited outside for the cyclists to all arrive, and then joined them as they came in. The OP wasn't to know that she was a fruitcake an interloper.

She knows she’s an interloper too or she’d have gone in to OPs house as an invited guest before they arrived 🤣

I would have asked her outright OP how she was a part of the group. It wouldn’t need to be mean either, as someone in your home it’s a genuine question to ask how she knows the group. 🙂

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/06/2021 15:02

@Cowbells

Are they deeply fanciable?

Not possible. There is nothing less inherently fanciable than a pack of mamils.

I'm sorry to parade my ignorance, but I have to ask - what's a "mail"?

I've tried to get the meaning from the context of the posts nd have failed dismally - I mean, I can see roughly want it is, but wirer does the nickname come from?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/06/2021 15:02

*MAMIL, not mail

F*ck you autcarrot! Angry

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 15:02

Middle Aged Man In Lycra

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/06/2021 15:05

Thank you MercyAndGrand

Now I can see them in my ind's eye . . . and it isn't a pretty sight. Grin

Twistered · 01/06/2021 15:06

I'm still laughing at the comment by a poster I can't remember the name of saying

"I'm sure they aren't after her muffins and flapjacks"

I think it's literally her muffin and flapjack that are on offer Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/06/2021 15:06

*mind's, not ind's

Does karma ever strike the autocorrect? Hmm

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/06/2021 15:07

@Twisted

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 01/06/2021 15:07

@Benjispruce3

They need to set up a new WhatsApp group but leave the other one going. Then she won’t know the plans.
I was also going to suggest this. Plus, in true Wagatha Christie style, tell the blokes one by one and see at what point she messages to ask where everyone's gone or 'accidentally' gets added to the group. That's how you find out who secretly has a thing with her or is encouraging her.
Twistered · 01/06/2021 15:07

@Twistered

I'm still laughing at the comment by a poster I can't remember the name of saying

"I'm sure they aren't after her muffins and flapjacks"

I think it's literally her muffin and flapjack that are on offer Grin

And her pom pom Grin
Ohtheplacesyougo · 01/06/2021 15:14

@JeanneDoe

I completely agree with you. People are very mean spirited.

There’s no need to exclude and there’s no reason to be mean. The men don’t mind her joining them and obviously enjoy her eccentric company.

We meet a variety of characters in life and it makes life interesting.

What does it hurt to lay an extra plate at lunch!

There’s also some very insecure people here who’s initial thought is shagging!

Lockdown has led to a lot of loneliness and many people are keen to have some companionship in this time.

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 15:15

Do women in their late 40s actually go out of their way to have affairs with married men?

I mean, I can kind of see how it happens, eg if you happen to work with someone or are thrown into a situation. Not that this makes it ok, obviously. But to go out and seek it so blatantly is another matter. It’s never going to end well, is it?

OP posts:
PizzaCrust · 01/06/2021 15:16

I don’t feel bad for the woman at all. She’s not a child, as much as she acts like one.

She’s clearly very desperate going after a group of married men when she doesn’t even partake in the hobby, hoping they’ll scamper after her flapjack crumbs.

Unfortunately, some women always go after the men in relationships and never grow out of it. They live for the attention and the “oh I’m a little weak woman please will some of you big strong men help me 🥺” narrative.

It’s nauseating.

HooverPhobic · 01/06/2021 15:19

OP does any of the group actually talk to her one-on-one? It sounds like she sort of follows the group along and talks at to them as a group and they as a group refrain from answering anything specifically.

8 is a big enough group that they all might think one of the others sort of knows her but hasn't actually asked (particularly if they're only friends through this group, rather than existing friends that set up a regular activity?)

Has anyone in the group actually asked any or all of the others about her? I'd find it faintly annoying if I was them and she was going quite obviously a long way out of her way to come to that specific group's events (ie not just at the park/cafe).

YellowFish12 · 01/06/2021 15:21

I ran a sports club at uni. We had a guy turn up to all the socials. All the events. Talked and talked about the sport. Never came and did the actual sport ever! Some people are just odd and like the company from an organised group.

CovidCorvid · 01/06/2021 15:23

I wonder if it’s a bit like hunt supporters who I’ve always found a bit odd.

I mean I find fox hunting in general very odd and disagree with it but even odder are the people in cars and on foot who don’t hunt or even ride who trail round the countryside “following the hunt”. Shooting off to the next ridge to park up with binoculars to watch them, going to the pre hunt meet, etc. Maybe they should have pom poms?

PizzaCrust · 01/06/2021 15:28

“What does it hurt to lay an extra plate at lunch”

Why would anyone lay an extra plate for this weird, tragic tag a long who no one seems to like or even responds to when she talks? Who doesn’t actually partake in the sport? Just flirts and laughs at OPs husband’s response to one of his friends saying something that isn’t even remotely funny?

Wouldn’t be for me.

JeanneDoe · 01/06/2021 15:31

@Ohtheplacesyougo

yes.
Also, people keep saying that she wasn't invited for lunch.
But she's on the Whatsapp group.

If a lunch is being discussed on a Whatsapp group of which I am part, I would assume that I am invited. Unless someone has explicitly stated that I am not invited.

OP, I do think your frustration is misdirected towards this woman, it should be towards the group of MAMILs/your husband.

TeachesOfPeaches · 01/06/2021 15:33

Do the men actually want rid of her OP?

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 15:34

Yes, I reckon she would “follow the shoot” if she was in the countryside. Can’t think of anything more vile, tbh.

Hoover, that’s a good question and I asked DH this, but all he seems to say is that he doesn’t think any of them know her or how she came to be there. But I think men like this don’t really ask those kind of questions when they’re in groups. I find it strange, but he never knows details about anything like that as for whatever reason it doesn’t occur to him to ask, if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Cowbells · 01/06/2021 15:39

Of course they know her. How else would she belong to the WhatsApp group?