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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
Maireas · 01/06/2021 13:41

[quote GingerScallop]@bigbadbluewhale So true. Its the typical misogyny isn't it? Same things done by both males and females (and arguably in this case, the men more guilty because they "are all there socially or mentally") but its the woman that draws so much wrath and blame. And the whole thread is a great reminder that misogyny is not exclusive to males[/quote]
That's because of the societal structures promoting sexism and misogyny ensure that girls and women share culpability but not benefits.

JeanneDoe · 01/06/2021 13:42

Not read the full thread but have my own MAMIL at home. If it's Boxhill way then, they've probably crossed paths!
To those that say he's sleeping with her, I genuinely don't see it.
The reality is the men probably quite like having a cheerleader even though it's all a bit strange. Personally, I'd be quite amused.

If they really wanted to get rid of her, they could set up a separate whatsapp group and exclude her and set off 30 minutes early for a few weeks.

I can't help feeling sorry for this woman. Maybe she's just a bit eccentric and doesn't have much else going on in her life and likes feeling like she has some friends/admirers? Who knows. But the braying mob have really piled on her in this thread, when all she has really done is bake a few muffins and wave a few pom poms. So what?
She is on the whatsapp so if the message said "lunch today at OPs husbands house, address is xxx" and presumably it didn't explicitly state "PomPom Patsy excluded", then she probably feels part of the group and assumed the invite was for anyone on the whatsapp group.

I'm no martyr but I can't help feeling that some people have been very mean on this thread. Are these the same people that would be posting "Be Kind" memes on social media?
I genuinely can't see what she has done wrong. Yes a bit odd maybe but what harm is she actually doing? As I said, if they wanted to offload her they could set up a separate whatsapp and set off from a different place at a different time.

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 13:44

“It’s the typical misogyny isn't it? Same things done by both males and females (and arguably in this case, the men more guilty because they "are all there socially or mentally") but its the woman that draws so much wrath and blame. And the whole thread is a great reminder that misogyny is not exclusive to males”

Yes because I’m sure you’d be delighted if such a character turned up at your house. “Oh another dedicated cyclist. How lovely. And, we hear, an aspiring boxer too. Welcome! Have a mojito and show us your pom pom routine....” Confused

No, you would see it for what it is. As I do.

OP posts:
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 13:46

No, you would see it for what it is. As I do.

The blokes also know exactly what it is. And they encourage her.

Your dispute is really with them.

AnneKipanki · 01/06/2021 13:47

It is definitely odd.

DuncinToffee · 01/06/2021 13:47

Exactly JeanneDoe, just imagine being invited to lunch and when you get there you realise that not only the host wasn't expecting you, she also didn't have a clue who you were. And then they all start talking about kids, schools etc, you would feel rather akward and stick to talking to the people you know.

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 13:50

As for the boxing club, to be fair they were talking about this when she asked if she could go along Hmm. I doubt she’ll actually go there, but more fool her if she does. It’s in a very iffy alley and it’s just DH and some friends / contacts from the past who use it. He only set up there because I wouldn’t have all his mountains of stuff in the house. It’s hardly boxercise classes for mums and their tens, come on in, one and all, what a lovely destination! Confused. She will get short shift.

OP posts:
woofgoesthecat · 01/06/2021 13:50

It was your choice to cook for your husband’s cycling friends and that is fine,
It wasn’t your choice cook and serve some random rude woman holding court in your garden, who doesn’t even cycle. Why would you. Confused

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 13:53

it’s just DH and some friends / contacts from the past who use it. He only set up there because I wouldn’t have all his mountains of stuff in the house. It’s hardly boxercise classes for mums and their tens, come on in, one and all, what a lovely destination! confused. She will get short shift

If this is the case, I assume your DH told her straight up that it wasn't a suitable place for her? I assume he politely said that it wasn't somewhere that non-members r beginners would be welcome, and that she should check out her local gym?

No? Did he not say that?

earminted · 01/06/2021 13:53

It suits some posters to talk rubbish OP. You don't sound stupid to me.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 13:54

Seriously - men are perfectly capable of putting people in their place, managing expectations and managing people into/out of a group dynamic. They do it all the time at work. If they're not doing it here, then it's because they have chosen not to.

The pushiest woman in the whole world wouldn't be able to turn up if they didn't tell her when and where.

Coffeepot72 · 01/06/2021 14:00

Well the OP is the only one of us who was actually there, so we will have to take her word for it about the dynamics/atmosphere of the occasion. Having read the entire thread, I think this women is strange but probably harmless, and most likely lonely. And a male group is probably easier to attach yourself to, because most of the men would just go along with her being there. If you’re an unwanted addition to a female group, you would be excluded pretty quickly

JustLyra · 01/06/2021 14:01

He has always told me about this kind of incident and I’ve no reason to believe he’s ever gone there, so why would I think that now because of this particular woman?

Because this wonderfully open man has suddenly failed to mention the crazy lady, even once, for years.

The fact he’s normally open about women around him makes his silence on this particular one more strange and suspicious than less.

Maireas · 01/06/2021 14:03

@Coffeepot72

Well the OP is the only one of us who was actually there, so we will have to take her word for it about the dynamics/atmosphere of the occasion. Having read the entire thread, I think this women is strange but probably harmless, and most likely lonely. And a male group is probably easier to attach yourself to, because most of the men would just go along with her being there. If you’re an unwanted addition to a female group, you would be excluded pretty quickly
No, I suspect that the women would talk to her and try to find out why she was there.
RandomMess · 01/06/2021 14:05

I am seriously embarrassed on her behalf!!

tenredthings · 01/06/2021 14:05

@UhtredRagnarson

Look OP you have been fed a load of horseshit by your husband. There is far more to this woman’s presence in the group than he is letting on. For some reason he is desperately and in a very exaggerated way, downplaying her role. Whether you want to believe that is up to you, it’s your marriage and you have to live with whatever you choose to believe. But trust me on this- he ate the muffins.
This ! I think she's been painted by your DH as bat shit crazy for a reason. I would be suspicious that there's more to this story. She could be the OW of your DH or another member and is turning up and stirring up trouble for revenge.
4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 14:08

“If this is the case, I assume your DH told her straight up that it wasn't a suitable place for her? I assume he politely said that it wasn't somewhere that non-members r beginners would be welcome, and that she should check out her local gym?”

Yes he said there’s nobody there to train ladies or to take classes as such.

OP posts:
MustardRose · 01/06/2021 14:09

I got chatting to a bloke in the interval at the theatre once. He was a champion pole dancer.

Puffalicious · 01/06/2021 14:13

Honestly, OP, don't listen to any of these PP telling you there's something fishy going on. She's clearly lonely, can't/ doesn't read social signals and possibly a bit eccentric. She's definitely rude.

blacksax · 01/06/2021 14:16

@ChangePart1

You can't add yourself to a whatsapp group OP unless someone has given you the link, or invited you themselves.

You're being played a bit here. Of course this woman somehow has mind powers nobody else has, is able to deduce exactly where and when this group meets, find her way into a whatsapp group without an invitation, and all of these grown adult men presumably with careers and families are just sooooo ineffectual and dumb they can't fathom how to shake her off.

It's a whatsapp group for the cycling fraternity. This woman wouldn't necessarily have been added by one of the people who actually cycled on Sunday. She may have been added some time ago by somebody else.
PuffItsGone · 01/06/2021 14:21

I really can’t understand why you’re getting so much stick OP. This is totally bizarre and I cannot believe how stupid the men are being. I’d get DH to tell her it’s unacceptable to tag along in future.

oakleaffy · 01/06/2021 14:21

I bet she has pedal reflectors and a mudguard
The name is “Noddy”.

But... why doesn’t she actually ride?
I’m a Noddy and proud of it,
No way on Gods green Earth could I keep up with male DH riders.
Not a chance
But to follow would be impossible
It’s because they are road riders she follows in a 🚗

dodobookends · 01/06/2021 14:28

@PaperbackRider

And you let her into your house because......?
She waited outside for the cyclists to all arrive, and then joined them as they came in. The OP wasn't to know that she was a fruitcake an interloper.
Iamthewombat · 01/06/2021 14:34

I am very much enjoying the OP’s responses. Spirited. Keep it up, OP!

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 14:42

“It suits some posters to talk rubbish OP. You don't sound stupid to me.”

Thankyou very much. Probably I am a bit stupid in some areas, but I’m not wrong about this one.

OP posts:
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