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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 01/06/2021 11:58

MAMIL Mum is a suitable name for her!

The men obviously like having her around or they would have gotten rid of her long ago. She seems attractive, glamorous and fun.

I suppose I'd be a bit miffed if I was the one stuck at home making lunch for a bunch of grown men who ignored me except to get them another drink instead of being the attractive and entertaining woman spending her weekend out having fun.

Iamthewombat · 01/06/2021 12:03

@4cats4kids

Yes, she didn’t say “my boys,” but that is exactly the attitude I was getting and to be honest, I have never understood or got along with that type of woman. Can’t stand all that.
Me neither.
Gwenhwyfar · 01/06/2021 12:05

"Her child is either his, or your husband has met him."

Those are two very different things though aren't they?

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 12:05

Look OP you have been fed a load of horseshit by your husband. There is far more to this woman’s presence in the group than he is letting on. For some reason he is desperately and in a very exaggerated way, downplaying her role. Whether you want to believe that is up to you, it’s your marriage and you have to live with whatever you choose to believe. But trust me on this- he ate the muffins.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/06/2021 12:14

"You seem to be missing... everything about this situation."

What exactly am I missing. Cycling group has a middle aged groupie. The groupie came to the lunch, was loud and didn't talk much to the OP (whom she didn't know before).
That's all!
OP has said she's not having an affair with her DH so what's the problem?

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 01/06/2021 12:16

This thread has made that awful 90s bloodhound gang tune go round in my head

'You and me baby we ain't nothing but MAMILs let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel'

I reckon she wants some Discovery Channel action but I am not so sure she is getting any.

I think in her fantasy she is the glamorous lady in RantAunty's post but in reality it's just coming off very tragic

DrSbaitso · 01/06/2021 12:18

'You and me baby we ain't nothing but MAMILs let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel'

😆🤣😂

Gingerwhinger01 · 01/06/2021 12:19

Why would he downplay her role in the group, at worst she shagging one of the other members - which isn't the ops problem. If ops DH is shagging her and has fathered a secret love child, then he's hardly going to invite her over for lunch with his wife is he ?
She's doesn't sound like a sexual threat to me, odd balls generally aren't that alluring to either sex.
She's been added to the group because she expressed an interest in joining at some point, but has found a different role for herself as a quasi cyclist, come pom pom waiving muffin maker. She's now part of the scenery, so the DH in all likelihood doesn't notice her.
And if the group is self sustained with no leader, then no one will have taken responsibility for her presence and they may all be as confused as each other as to why she is turning up.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 12:19

@DrSbaitso

'You and me baby we ain't nothing but MAMILs let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel'

😆🤣😂

😂😂😂
BlokeHereInPeace · 01/06/2021 12:20

It sounds like she has minor mental health issues. As men we mostly avoid confrontation. She was probably in the cafe when they set the WhatsApp group up. Just as @DeclineandFall suggests. From knowledge of being a man I'd be very surprised if any of them are banging her.

But she shouldn't have turned up at yours and that is something that needs fixing.

Outbutnotoutout · 01/06/2021 12:20

Personally I would turn up at their next meet and observe from afar. You can gauge the interaction better that way.

They definitely love the attention, I bet they all flirt with her.

I agree they were all sat awkwardly as it was in front of you, in your house.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 12:21

Why would he downplay her role in the group

Perhaps because he kept her existence secret for months (years?) and is now having to explain why he never mentioned her. “Oh she isn’t really in the group, she does nothing. She’s bonkers really. I don’t even know her name. Is she wearing shorts? I hadn’t noticed.” Wink

CoelacanthSharpener · 01/06/2021 12:22

Everyone seems to take some sort of pleasure in ridiculing her, but still lets her know where all the events are taking place.

To me it reads like they are encouraging her so they can laugh at her behind her back. So childish and mean.

OrangePowder · 01/06/2021 12:24

Whatever the truth of it is, it's definitely not what you've been told. That in itself is a problem and that part definitely isn't the woman's fault, no matter what you seem determined to believe.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 12:26

@OrangePowder

Whatever the truth of it is, it's definitely not what you've been told. That in itself is a problem and that part definitely isn't the woman's fault, no matter what you seem determined to believe.
Yep.
4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 12:32

Ok, for context, its difficult to say this without sounding catty (and I’m sure I’ll be accused of it anyway), but I would not describe this woman as particularly “glamorous.” Maybe she is in her own head. I don’t know.

For greater context on the subject of “glamorous” women - he does another sport where, trust me, there are plenty of glamorous women of the promotional variety who are about 20 years younger and basically paid to stand around as some kind of weird ego boost. I am hardly the jealous, psycho wife, trust me on this. For yet more context, if he was that way inclined, there have been occasions over the years where he has been in situations of being entertained by clients and, at some point, escorts and / or strippers have appeared as part of the proceedings. He has always told me about this kind of incident and I’ve no reason to believe he’s ever gone there, so why would I think that now because of this particular woman?

What annoyed me, was this woman, under my very nose, having barely spoken to me and, as I’m literally pouring drinks to guests in my own house, saying to my husband that she wants to come along to his club. The whole thing about bringing her son is a load of bollocks. I would never behave like that and nor would anyone I know. It’s very rude and actually, I think I have been very restrained about this woman, if the truth be known.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 01/06/2021 12:33

But I do think it's possible DH might have unknowingly, totally innocently become the target of a nutty stalker who needs to be frozen off PDQ.

(The reasons I think he's her chosen target, is her weird attitude to you that you picked up, plus the boxing thing plus "fix my bike plea".)

You'll soon know; par for the course would be further unwelcome and intrusive contact (at your home, DH workplace etc) .

RubyFowler · 01/06/2021 12:33

@Outbutnotoutout

Personally I would turn up at their next meet and observe from afar. You can gauge the interaction better that way.

They definitely love the attention, I bet they all flirt with her.

I agree they were all sat awkwardly as it was in front of you, in your house.

Is that really what you'd do??

I'm trying to think what I'd do. Honestly I think I would be so WTF that I would find it funny! On the day I'd probably have tried to strike up a conversation with her or engage with the whole group in some way to try and get the measure of her/them.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 12:34

Whether you think she's a stunner or not, the fact is that the men are happy to have her there. They tell her where to meet up etc., so they are encouraging her.

Moral of the story: Men aren't necessarily as fussy as you think they are when it comes to having their ego stroked.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/06/2021 12:36

Did the male guests chat to you? Express gratitude and appreciation? Mostly talk amongst themselves about their hobby?

It sounds as though she was fitting in with the norms of the group, in the way they related to you.

Outbutnotoutout · 01/06/2021 12:37

@RubyFowler TBH I would have confronted her when she rocked up at my house.

Who she was
How long she had been following the team
Who invited her to my house
Which one does she fancy

Yes I would turn up and observe them all with her

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 12:38

Good point. If you were just treated like a waitress by your DH and the rest of the group, this woman wasn't behaving any differently.

MinorCharacter · 01/06/2021 12:39

What annoyed me, was this woman, under my very nose, having barely spoken to me and, as I’m literally pouring drinks to guests in my own house, saying to my husband that she wants to come along to his club. The whole thing about bringing her son is a load of bollocks. I would never behave like that and nor would anyone I know. It’s very rude and actually, I think I have been very restrained about this woman, if the truth be known.

I assume she's following the group's behaviour here, though -- that the members of the cycling club are the 'important' ones, and wifey at home is essentially pit stop staff bustling about with drinks? It's annoying you more because she's not a man on a bike, but I have to say I would find that behaviour deeply annoying, whether it was from the cycling fraternity or their slightly strange, lonely hanger-on. And I would have zero patience with the kind of exhaustion and bad back that can cope fine with a cycle of several hours and presumably reasonable intensity, but is somehow unable to cope with carrying drinks and food around.

(But I don't think she's shagging anyone, I think she's a sort of tragic MAMIL groupie who presumably doesn't realise she's somewhere between an embarrassing mascot and a full-blown laughing stock... )

RubyFowler · 01/06/2021 12:39

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

Good point. If you were just treated like a waitress by your DH and the rest of the group, this woman wasn't behaving any differently.
Yes, sounds like they were all behaving similarly.
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 12:39

What annoyed me, was this woman, under my very nose, having barely spoken to me and, as I’m literally pouring drinks to guests in my own house, saying to my husband that she wants to come along to his club.

Would you have been quite this angry if one of the male cyclists had talked to your DH about possibly bringing their son along to his boxing club?