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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 01/06/2021 09:54

They like her or feel sorry for her. I expect she pretended to join their group and said she wanted to cycle, and that’s how she got the details about where they meet. The fact they’ve not made a new group or arranged a new cafe meet-up place suggests they think it’s normal to be cheered on and looked after by a woman, and they’re ok with it.

Or, as previously suggested, she’s shagging one of them and they’re too embarrassed to admit it.

And yes, she’s weird - and lacking any self-awareness, poor thing.

woopdedoodle · 01/06/2021 09:55

I used to be friends with a woman like that, different hobby, she'd turn up every weekend, ended up having Sunday lunch with one blokes family and joining in family trips etc. We don't talk any more, because I'm apparently jealous of her "not a boy friend " as he was hotter than my real boyfriend! Given we are all in our 60's and not 12 , life was too short and I cut contact.

Any way the point of this ramble is that I believe in the pompom waving lady, they are out there.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 01/06/2021 09:55

@MrsMaizel

No, I just work full time and have a 2 year old. I wouldn't make lunch for 8 of my own friends, let alone my husband's hobby buddies.

LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 01/06/2021 09:57

Well yes OP, if Jane Jones had turned up early yesterday on a decent bike and wearing suitable cycling gear, having been invited to lunch, and had then proceeded to talk enthusiastically about cycling this would have been a completely different situation as she would have appeared to have been just another member of the cycling club.

It's the whole pom poms and muffins at dawn, turning up in the car, not being especially interested in cycling and* then on top of that* not even saying hello or thank you that is so weird.

LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 01/06/2021 09:57

Oops bold fail Blush

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 09:59

They don’t always come back to someone’s house for lunch, no. It’s not a weekly thing, probably more like once a month. I understand how I might sound sad to some people in the sense that I’m doing this, but I don’t mind because whenever we entertain, I do the food because that’s not really his thing. But he does plenty of other things for me, so this is why.

What I have told him is that he should help more with the drinks, bringing dishes in etc because I am having to carry stuff up and down a staircase that goes from the balcony to the garden and he shouldn’t just sit there and watch me do it all. He has apologised but said he was exhausted and has a bad back because of an injury. So I’m letting it go on this occasion, but it’s not happening again.

OP posts:
duodunical · 01/06/2021 10:00

I actually think that plenty of cyclists are so obsessed with their own selves that they might well have treated this woman as irrelevant.

PaperbackRider · 01/06/2021 10:05

And you let her into your house because......?

Basecamporbust · 01/06/2021 10:07

If his back injury doesn't stop him going on an arduous bike ride he's ok enough to fetch and carry the lunch stuff around afterwards .

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 10:11

She's obviously on the hunt, or shagging one of them.

They must know why she turns up and they obviously like the attention to some degree. Pathetic really.

Not only have they not taken any steps to stop her (like not telling her where they are meeting up), but at least one of them is encouraging her. I mean, she didn't intuit that they were meeting at your house through the use of psychic powers, did she? One or more of them told her where she needed to come for the send-off.

DrSbaitso · 01/06/2021 10:17

I think he didn't tell you because it would create an awkward situation and might upset you. From the information given, there's no suggestion he's having an affair with her. He probably thought it was easier and better all round not to trouble you with it, although it was a bit dim of him not to realise what would happen if she turns up for lunches.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 01/06/2021 10:23

@UhtredRagnarson

And everyone saying the men are too British to get rid of her- men really do not struggle to shake off women they dont want around. You’re all very naive.
100%. Men are not babies, or idiots. They are perfectly capable of arranging their social lives so as to exclude / include whoever they want/
Bassetlover · 01/06/2021 10:24

This thread is comedy gold! I'm not buying all the "she's crazy with pompoms" shizzle. I reckon she's really glam and she also drives a sports car. OP, you admitted yourself, she was holding court in your garden while you were serving quiche in an apron, that's why you're fuming! And yeah, she's either shagging one of them or one (or all of them) wants to shag her.

SeasonFinale · 01/06/2021 10:25

I am unsure which of the two women in this thread are the sadder of the two - the mad cycling groupie (DH's OW) or the original poster for being a doormat and so trusting of a cheating DH.

DotsandCo · 01/06/2021 10:29

Oh, OP...you are so, so naive! I feel very sad for you 😢

Your constant reiteration of 'my husband says' screams of denial. You really do not want to hear or see anything other than 'my husband is a bit of a dimwit who couldn't possibly do anything wrong' 🤦‍♀️

You are being played here sweetie...open your eyes! Your husband is NOT 'a bit of a dimwit' ffs!!! He has kept this from you for years! Men LOVE attention from women!!! I'm not saying that anything is 'going on'...but stop pretending to yourself that he is completely innocent in all of this...he isn't! And he definitely isn't 'dim'!! He knows exactly what is going on here...even if it's just a middle-aged ego stroke from a slightly eccentric, lonely, Pom-Pom waving, middle- aged woman 🤷‍♀️

LannieDuck · 01/06/2021 10:34

I'd be far more annoyed by the expectation that the little women provide lunch than with some random women.

How unfair is it that the men all get to bugger off for hours at a time doing their hobby, and their wives not only do all the childcare/housework while they're gone, but get the gift of extra work every few weeks!

I was going to ask if your husband would ever cook for and wait on a group of your girlfriends if they came over for lunch? I think you answered the question in your last post.

I suggest in future he makes sandwiches in advance and cling-films them in the fridge. Or buys one of those catering trays from M&S.

DuncinToffee · 01/06/2021 10:35

You have posted about your husband's entitled behaviour before, haven't you? (the cats and kids combination rings a bell)

Anyway your issue seems to be that this woman behaved like the men, did you expect her to offer you a hand becuase she is female?
The men have no problem with her hanging around otherwise they would have deleted her from their whatsapp group.
And DH being exhausted and having a bad back, haha pull the other one.

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 10:39

Fgs - so many people certain he is having an affair. What’s that about? If he was having an affair with this woman, he would hardly bring her into his home in broad daylight to be witnessed by his wife, 4 children and possibly his mother (as she’s in and out).

He is not shagging this woman and I can say that categorically. She is an absolute loon! And even if her behaviour was more normal, she is not his type. If he wanted to have an affair, it would not be with her. He has had plenty of opportunities over the years - at work or on other hobbies he does where there are plenty of normal, attractive women. I have never stopped him doing anything or going anywhere with anyone. We have been together 20 years and this type of thing has never been an issue. He’s hardly going to get it on with some loon because of her muffins and flapjacks is he?

If I get approached by weird men, would you say I’m “definitely shagging them?” No you would not. There was a builder I had here not so long ago who, shall we say, was not very subtle. I suppose I was definitely shagging him as well?

Some people are just odd. I wasn’t going to post about this, but then I just did. Something about her bugged me, yes. I did find her demeanour annoying and the whole thing bizarre because it was.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 01/06/2021 10:42

Oh come on. You've already said your DH repeatedly agrees with you about fetching drinks, then sits on his arse when the time comes. That's what he'll do next time too. He gets lost in the moment, with his friends. He 'hosts' with his voice. And why wouldn't he?

If you want him to carry stuff down, it all needs to be set up ready to go, in one go. He carries stuff before he sits down.

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 01/06/2021 10:42

Lots of middle aged people crave a bit of positive attention from the opposite sex

Grin

These men, and the glam lady, are all happy with the set up

FatCatThinCat · 01/06/2021 10:42

These men sound awful, lapping up the attention from Pom Pom Becky while their wives wait on them like the hired help.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 01/06/2021 10:45

OP, all men cheat according to mumsnet. I don't know if it's because people actually believe that or because they just like the idea of causing a bit of drama in a strangers life.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 10:46

He has apologised but said he was exhausted and has a bad back because of an injury.

Can’t carry drinks because of back injury But has no problem cycling dozens of miles? 🤔 He has you well worked out OP.

thenightsky · 01/06/2021 10:47

She drives round the route following them? Bunches of MAMILs 3 abreast is annoying enough, but a car behind them makes it a lot worse. I wonder how much of a tailback she causes.

user123532 · 01/06/2021 10:50

I think she sounds very odd, to say the least and I think I'd feel like you did in your situation.