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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
DansMaPoche · 01/06/2021 09:15

This sounds like it has potential for a brilliant sit com. Someone needs to write it.

Magentamules · 01/06/2021 09:15

I can't get beyond the fact the wives cater and serve the husbands on a rota!! WTF!!

Maireas · 01/06/2021 09:15

It's OP's house. Very basic courtesy to engage. Unless groupie woman thought she was the hired help?

NoProblem123 · 01/06/2021 09:21

@JewelGarden I’m thinking the men are keeping pompom lady in reserve in case the service isn’t up to scratch Grin

And PPs don’t seem to realise there are lots of hobbies and sports where the majority of people are just spectators 🤷‍♀️

YellowFish12 · 01/06/2021 09:22

Meh, harmless enough. She probably likes feeling part of the club. They obviously like having her around or they would just start a new WhatsApp group or make meet details private to club members only.

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 09:25

“This is a mean post from a jealous wife who has just discovered her husband is appending Sunday morning a with an attractive woman she knew nothing about”

You see, I find that comment misogynistic. I am not jealous if this woman. If I was, I would say so.

It is not normal to turn out at 7am for a cycling club when you don’t even have a bike. To give some context, I know where the cafe is. It’s on the edge of a park and is rammed with cyclists all weekend, not just 7am. There are loads of women’s groups; mixed groups if all ages; groups who just take a more leisurely ride round the park etc etc. Put it this way, if I wanted to get into cycling right now, I could easily find a beginners’ group at a time to suit me. And before I even did that, I would at least get an actual road bike and go round the park by myself a few times to practise! What I would not do, is hone in on a specific group of MAMALs who clearly take the whole thing seriously and start showing up at the crack of dawn waving muffins and pom poms fgs. Who does that and on what planet is this remotely normal? It makes no sense.

This week was the first time she has gone so far as to drive the route in the car. DH says this hasn’t happened before. He is adamant about this, I asked him last night. He said, “I don’t know, maybe she fancied the drive?” He thinks she is an eccentric, basically. He says “ Why would she be after us?” This is what he says.

OP posts:
Cowbells · 01/06/2021 09:25

Are they deeply fanciable?

Not possible. There is nothing less inherently fanciable than a pack of mamils.

HavelockVetinari · 01/06/2021 09:27

@AntiSocialDistancer

I bet you 50p if you ask him for his phone for the bike whatsapp group she's not in it.

You sound dumber than you think your husband's cycling group is, to swallow any of that nonsense.

Her child is either his, or your husband has met him.

Every single thing she says about needing someone to go to her house, about spending time with her child etc was to make your husband sweat.

This thread is a lie, or you're not seeing the the truth.

Blimey, there's some projection going on there! Grin Grin
DansMaPoche · 01/06/2021 09:29

I can't get beyond the fact the wives cater and serve the husbands on a rota!! WTF!!

It's fine. Perhaps in this particulart group the wives enjoy cooking and are good at it and the men are not? Also if the lunch happens immediately after a ride then it's not practical to do it all themselves is it?

It's not a crime to help your partner out and do nice things for them sometimes. If I wanted to host a lunch for my friends or club members and I and needed a gazbo erecting in the garden or some barbecuing done then my DH would very happily do it for me.

Basecamporbust · 01/06/2021 09:35

She might have an obsession with one or more of the group and does all the muffinry, pom-pom wafting and cheerleading in the hope that the object/s of her obsession will express an interest in her. If this is the case then she needs to be clearly told that it's not going to happen and to be taken off WhatsApp group etc as it's unkind to let her keep flogging a dead horse (or a married and uninterested MAMIL. ). If she's not focused on particular member of the group and they're happy to have her tag along then she shouldnt be mocked and called crazy by the them. That's mean and also unkind. They need to tell her to stop doing all this unless they genuinely like her and enjoy having her around. In which case you should have been told about her

BarbarianMum · 01/06/2021 09:35

She sounds crackers. As do you.

MinorCharacter · 01/06/2021 09:37

@DansMaPoche

I can't get beyond the fact the wives cater and serve the husbands on a rota!! WTF!!

It's fine. Perhaps in this particulart group the wives enjoy cooking and are good at it and the men are not? Also if the lunch happens immediately after a ride then it's not practical to do it all themselves is it?

It's not a crime to help your partner out and do nice things for them sometimes. If I wanted to host a lunch for my friends or club members and I and needed a gazbo erecting in the garden or some barbecuing done then my DH would very happily do it for me.

And perhaps we live in a universe where a bunch of women uncontroversially depart before 7 am on Sundays and expect to rock up at one of their houses to find their DHs, who have presumably been looking after any children all morning, to have lunch for eight ready and waiting on a weekly basis?
Lalliella · 01/06/2021 09:39

@DansMaPoche

I can't get beyond the fact the wives cater and serve the husbands on a rota!! WTF!!

It's fine. Perhaps in this particulart group the wives enjoy cooking and are good at it and the men are not? Also if the lunch happens immediately after a ride then it's not practical to do it all themselves is it?

It's not a crime to help your partner out and do nice things for them sometimes. If I wanted to host a lunch for my friends or club members and I and needed a gazbo erecting in the garden or some barbecuing done then my DH would very happily do it for me.

I agree. Why shouldn’t wives do nice things for their husbands and their mates sometimes and vice versa? I’m hosting a barbecue for a group of friends who are mainly my mates and DH is doing the cooking 😊 Feminism doesn’t mean never doing anything for a man.
4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 09:39

I have told him that I think it’s weird he never mentioned her before. He just says he didn’t really know she she was, or who she knew there or why she showed up. I can kind of see this. He says if she does follow up on her threat to come to his boxing club he will tell me and he agrees this will be very odd. He didn’t pick up on her request for training. He told her it’s not really that kind of club. In my view, she is a psycho if she shows up there and I don’t want him entertaining it. He won’t anyway.

There are crazy people around these days, there really are. There are young men in their 20s targeting older women on the high streets round here - trying to chat them up and get brought back to the house in the daytime so they can burgle them probably. When I get approached by weirdos I tell him about it. This was why I was surprised he would t have mentioned this woman. But I guess men don’t feel threatened about this kind of thing as women might do. If a man was hanging round my running group on early mornings and driving our route, I’d probably call the police. This is the difference.

OP posts:
NoProblem123 · 01/06/2021 09:41

‘And perhaps we live in a universe where a bunch of women uncontroversially depart before 7 am on Sundays and expect to rock up at one of their houses to find their DHs, who have presumably been looking after any children all morning, to have lunch for eight ready and waiting on a weekly basis?‘

Me & anyone else with horses !

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 09:42

You see, I find that comment misogynistic. I am not jealous if this woman. If I was, I would say so.

You very clearly are. It oozes from your posts and no you wouldn’t. Because you haven’t.

ChangePart1 · 01/06/2021 09:43

You can't add yourself to a whatsapp group OP unless someone has given you the link, or invited you themselves.

You're being played a bit here. Of course this woman somehow has mind powers nobody else has, is able to deduce exactly where and when this group meets, find her way into a whatsapp group without an invitation, and all of these grown adult men presumably with careers and families are just sooooo ineffectual and dumb they can't fathom how to shake her off.

CarlottaValdez · 01/06/2021 09:43

Really? You have a system whereby you and a group of women have their husbands making lunch on a rota for you all each week?

CarlottaValdez · 01/06/2021 09:44

Sorry I dropped the quote - I was replying to NoProblem123.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 01/06/2021 09:46

I mean, you're not wrong in that it isn't normal to pick that specific group when she isn't an experienced cyclist.
And why would any woman pick an all male group if there is an option with some women in it? 🤔 She doesn't exactly sound like one of the lads with her pom poms and dodgy muffins. It's quite clear she's taken a shine to one or more of them and is on the hunt, possibly after your husband given the boxing club comment.

Just tell him you won't host her in your house again. It's your house and you get to choose if you make her lunch or not 🤷‍♀️ but also, if my husband picked up a hobby and asked me to make lunch for 8-10 people because of it, even once, I would make him kale salads every day until he apologised for his stupidity.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 09:47

I’m imagining OPs Dh like Manual from FT “I know naaathing” Grin

Kona84 · 01/06/2021 09:48

This is bizarre and I wonder if one of the guys is actually seeing her without telling anyone.
How did she get your address?
Surely she wouldn’t have known they were lunching at your house.
As a fellow cyclist I can say that most plans are concocted on the ride so unless someone is filling her in after the ride I do t get how she would know

violetbunny · 01/06/2021 09:48

Frankly I think you have far bigger problems to worry about. The main one being a lazy entitled husband who thinks it's your job to cook lunch and act like a waitress running around after him and his mates Angry

MrsMaizel · 01/06/2021 09:51

@ChairmansReserve

You get up at 7am on a Sunday to play waitress-wifey to a bunch of middle-aged men in lycra and you think she's embarrassing herself?
OFGS some of you must live the most shitty unhelpful wizened miserable me me lives . I feel so sorry for you . Never a nice thing done for anyone because it is seen as demeaning to women in your eyes .
overnightangel · 01/06/2021 09:54

“This week was the first time she has gone so far as to drive the route in the car. DH says this hasn’t happened before. He is adamant about this, I asked him last night. He said, “I don’t know, maybe she fancied the drive?”

FFS did you come down in the last shower?

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