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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
VestaTilley · 01/06/2021 08:10

This is insane. Why don’t they just stop publicising where they meet and are setting off from? She’ll get the message eventually.

She sounds lonely, as it’s very weird behaviour to exhibit, but that’s not anybody else’s problem!

How can she have such a lack of self awareness?

Also: don’t cater for this again. Your DH can do it when it’s his turn next.

SallyCinnabon · 01/06/2021 08:16

@VestaTilley

This is insane. Why don’t they just stop publicising where they meet and are setting off from? She’ll get the message eventually.

She sounds lonely, as it’s very weird behaviour to exhibit, but that’s not anybody else’s problem!

How can she have such a lack of self awareness?

Also: don’t cater for this again. Your DH can do it when it’s his turn next.

I’m guessing she’s assuming as she’s on the WhatsApp group (where I assume they publicise locations and times etc) that she’s invited. No one is telling her she isn’t. 🤣
NoProblem123 · 01/06/2021 08:17

This title promised so little but delivered so much Grin

Confusedandshaken · 01/06/2021 08:24

I call bullshit. She mysteriously appeared in the WhatsApp group (don't you just hate it when that happens?) and none of them have the nous or ability to remove her. They can't even set up a different WhatApp group. What nonsense. Either someone in that group is having a thing with her or (more likely) someone in that group is loving the attention. Which seems unkind - allowing her to make a show of herself to boost their own ego.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/06/2021 08:41

Sounds to me as if they’re all just too ‘nice’ to be brutal and tell her to stop coming. That would be my dh (keen cyclist) anyway - he’d probably feel sorry for her.

What sort of sports car BTW? Does she imagine it’s going to be a bloke-magnet? 😅

lottiegarbanzo · 01/06/2021 08:47

OP, if you don't want to fetch drinks like a waitress, don't. The men wouldn't wait on each other like this, would they. Put a couple of jugs of iced drinks out / some bottles in a picnic cooler.

They'll think all this waitressing is just your 'high standards', your hospitable personality and entirely your choice.

If you don't want to prepare lunch while they're out, your DH, or both of you together, can do it the day before and you just bung it in the oven to warm up.

bez91 · 01/06/2021 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 08:47

A man dh knew vaguely from the pub turned up to our wedding uninvited. He was autistuc but if it was a woman I might have been thinking wtf? But it was just that dh was nice to him. On the wedding day dh had a drink with him in the bar and he went away happy.

Awww. There is a lovely young man who works at a local shop who is obsessed with getting married. He talks to all the customers about it. I could easily see him coming along to a wedding of a customer he knew was getting married.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/06/2021 08:50

Also, you don't have to host, do you. You have a choice. You can join in, sit down, relax, enjoy the lunch. Or you say hello, eat something with them, then go off and do your own thing, because it's a cycling lunch for cycling bores and that's not your thing.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 08:51

Totally agree with your post @EarringsandLipstick. This is a mean post from a jealous wife who has just discovered her husband is appending Sunday morning a with an attractive woman she knew nothing about. This thread is entirely about OPs jealousy and insecurity.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 08:53

And everyone saying the men are too British to get rid of her- men really do not struggle to shake off women they dont want around. You’re all very naive.

sashh · 01/06/2021 08:54

I think this thread needs to be spliced with the 'WTF' thread.

OP

I have no idea what is happening but please keep updating.

mynameisbrian · 01/06/2021 08:55

TBH you all sound nuts. A group of blokes off cycling, they have a woman following them around in a sports car, she has been included in the whats app group and joins them in lunches (which you knew nothing about) All the wives of these men take turns to cater for them every sunday. I mean WTF.... its 2021 not 1931. Not a chance would I be running around prepping lunch for this lot. I would be advising if he wanted to take turns for sunday lunch then fire on and sort it out himself. I am embarrassed for the lot of you. I hope you dont have DC watching the sexism being displayed in front of them.

chickenyhead · 01/06/2021 08:57

Yes because it's totally normal to join a cycling club and wave pom poms if you don't cycle.

I'm sure if your DHs went to the pole dancing club to cheer them on and went to women's houses after that wouldn't raise an eyebrow either.

JewelGarden · 01/06/2021 08:59

@NoProblem123

This title promised so little but delivered so much Grin
Isn't it amazing Grin so glad I clicked on it!

I think I'm in the camp that says it's much more likely that she appeals to the men's egos and they're happy to have her there waving her pom poms at them, than she's just a random oddball who everyone is very polite to.

DelBocaVista · 01/06/2021 09:00

@bigbadbluewhale

What leaps out to me here is that you have very different expectations of men and women.

I agree that this situation sounds odd, and some of this woman's behaviours do seem strange. From your description, this woman could be anything from a very vulnerable individual to a quirky personality. It is hard to judge from your posts and without having been there. However, you seem to have taken issue with her for:

Showing up at your house
Expecting you to have prepared lunch
Identifying as part of your husband's cycling team
Talking about bikes
Not engaging with you

All of the men involved, including your husband, are also guilty of the first 4 of these. In fact, given that your husband expected you to act like "a waitress" whilst they are there and that you've emphasised they are not your friends, I'd hazard a guess that the men were probably not engaging with you very well either.

I think the group's behaviour towards you is very poor and the fact that your husband have never mentioned this woman is strange. I'm just struggling to understand why the majority of your anger is reserved for the only person in the group that you don't have a relationship with.

Exactly my thoughts!!
UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 09:01

I'm sure if your DHs went to the pole dancing club to cheer them on and went to women's houses after that wouldn't raise an eyebrow either.

Not sure why you picked pole dancing? Do you see male cycling as a form of erotic movement designed to titillate women and earn money from it?

The comparison you’re looking for is if an unmarried man went to cheer on a women’s cycling club. (They do exist)

chickenyhead · 01/06/2021 09:04

OK, a cycling club if it fits your wishes. Still off behaviour.

chickenyhead · 01/06/2021 09:04

Pole exercise is mixed sex btw

FunMcCool · 01/06/2021 09:06

This is so weird.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 09:08

I am slightly annoyed that I get lumbered with the lunch for these people anyway because, although they are all fine, they are all men and I don’t join them myself.

I think this is where OPs issue stems from. OP doesn’t join the people in her own garden because they are all men Shock she can’t fathom that any other woman would be comfortable being around all men unless she was trying to bag one.

Also, can’t really see how the woman can be blamed for not trying to talk to OP when OP wasn’t in the sodding garden!

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 09:08

@chickenyhead

Pole exercise is mixed sex btw
Pole dancing club you said. Not pole exercise class.
chickenyhead · 01/06/2021 09:09

Urgh

UhtredRagnarson · 01/06/2021 09:12

😂

WilsonMilson · 01/06/2021 09:13

How did she know where you lived if she turned up at yours before the rest of them? This is such a weird thread.