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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be served in a shop by my school bully?

289 replies

CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:22

When I was at school I was bullied throughout secondary school by a very 'tough' girl who was absolutely vile to me. Particular highlights include her threatening to stab me, and in a nightclub when I was about 18 threatening to glass me in the face! She also punched me in the face several times throughout school, kicked me off a chair, hit me on the head with a tennis racquet. The list goes on...

Since school I'm aware she's not changed much and has been in trouble with the police but seems to have a reputation as a 'lovable rogue' and is one of those that gets away with everything. School never did a thing to stop her behaviour and I was expected to just put up with it because she came from a troubled background.

Anyway, for the past year she has worked in a shop that's very local to me. I am no longer afraid of her and refuse to stop using the shop as it's convenient for me to use. However I will not be served by her, and I always queue at a different till to the one that she is on.

Tonight I went into the shop and, with two tills being open, I queued at the one that she was not on even though she was only serving one customer. When she'd finished serving her customer, the assistant at the till I was at said to go on to the other till as it was empty and I said 'no I'm fine thanks, I'll stay here'. She was quite insistent and looked at me like I was nuts when I refused to move and said I wanted to be served at that till and was happy to queue.

AIBU to not want to be served in a shop by someone that was a violent bully to me at school?

OP posts:
YouAintKingDingALing · 05/03/2021 21:26

I'm sorry you were bullied but it's weird, the shop assistant wouldn't have had a clue and so had every right to think it was odd.

I would simply shop elsewhere, life really is too short.

Eckhart · 05/03/2021 21:28

This reply has been deleted

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FireflyRainbow · 05/03/2021 21:29

Yanbu at all OP. Well done for standing your ground. What she did to you is not ok and you don't have to pretend it is.

UhtredRagnarson · 05/03/2021 21:29

Well done OP. You stood firm. If they cause an issue with you again for not wanting to be served by her I would inform them exactly why.

juice92 · 05/03/2021 21:31

I can see both sides. 100% get why you don't want to be served by her. I imagine if she has the loveable rogue reputation she would think nothing of trying to engage you in conversation, which would in the least be fairly uncomfortable and possibly actually upsetting.

At the same time the other shop assistant wouldn't have known and was probably a little confused.

Ameliablue · 05/03/2021 21:32

In a small so it is pretty common to only have one till on so while I can appreciate you don't want to be served by her, the best way to do that is to not use that shop.

Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:33

I don't see why I shouldn't use the shop though? Why should I go out of my way to go to another shop when I haven't actually done anything wrong?

OP posts:
Wrenna · 05/03/2021 21:34

I’d also tell them why with examples.

UhtredRagnarson · 05/03/2021 21:35

No you don’t need to use another shop. It’s your local, you shouldn’t be inconvenienced because they employ thugs. Keep using it and keep refusing to engage with her in any way.

hansgrueber · 05/03/2021 21:37

@CherryTwin

I don't see why I shouldn't use the shop though? Why should I go out of my way to go to another shop when I haven't actually done anything wrong?
They don't have to recruit staff just to please you. Your choices are ignore it, use the other till, don't shop there. Consider the reverse situation, if you were the one who had bullied her would you accept that she could refuse to serve you?
Teardrop2021 · 05/03/2021 21:38

I would just go to a different shop to be honest.

. She'd be paid to serve you. Like a servant This comment is disgraceful she is a keyworker not a servant. People show shop workers some respect.

Chattycatty · 05/03/2021 21:38

Er shop assistants aren't servants Eckhart

Ameliablue · 05/03/2021 21:39

I guess it depends how many people work in the shop is there always someone else on duty to serve you instead? If the other shop assistant has finished her shift at that point, she wouldn't be unreasonable in refusing to serve you.

Teardrop2021 · 05/03/2021 21:40

You don't have a right to make her working environment hostile though. If she was the only person on the till what would you do? Damn that the manager put someone else on the till. It looks as if you wanting to cause problems.

slashlover · 05/03/2021 21:40

I'd relish it. She'd be paid to serve you. Like a servant. You're paying her wages!

I work in retail, I'm not "like a servant" @Eckhart

Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:40

I didn't bully her though. She doesn't deserve me to think through imaginary scenarios giving her any consideration. I do use the other till. I don't expect them to recruit just to please me. I think they're stupid for recruiting a violent nut job but hey ho!

OP posts:
sst1234 · 05/03/2021 21:41

You are the customer and you should be able to shop wherever you want and avoid certain staff if you want to. You did the right thing being firm and not being served by her.

peak2021 · 05/03/2021 21:41

I think next time you are challenged just say 'I don't want to be served by someone who threatened to stab me in xxx (the date)' or 'assaulted me when I was at school'. Factual not opinions.

Hopefully it won't be required.

YouAintKingDingALing · 05/03/2021 21:42

Of course you can use the shop but personally, I couldn't be arsed with the stress associated with it. If I was going to use the shop regularly then I'd say something to her. It's clear she was an utter cow but at the moment, you're the only person hurting/stressed. She's paid to work in the shop so will serve you if she has to. I imagine she's not giving this the head space that you are.

You've done nothing wrong. Sometimes you have to stand your ground and fight, sometimes you walk away for your own sanity. I'd do the latter but I'm not you. Also, I could imagine her silently laughing at you waiting longer than normal to be served.

Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:42

@Ameliablue

I guess it depends how many people work in the shop is there always someone else on duty to serve you instead? If the other shop assistant has finished her shift at that point, she wouldn't be unreasonable in refusing to serve you.
She hadn't finished her shift. She didn't understand why I preferred to queue rather than go to the bully's empty till. There are always a minimum of two tills open in the shop. It's not a tiny shop.
OP posts:
Carolina24 · 05/03/2021 21:42

It’s up to you but you can hardly blame the shop assistant for not knowing the ins and out of your childhood experiences.

sst1234 · 05/03/2021 21:42

@Teardrop2021

You don't have a right to make her working environment hostile though. If she was the only person on the till what would you do? Damn that the manager put someone else on the till. It looks as if you wanting to cause problems.
And what would be wrong with that? Do you feel the same compassion towards OP who suffered tears of horrendous abuse from some feral degenerate.
Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:43

@YouAintKingDingALing

Of course you can use the shop but personally, I couldn't be arsed with the stress associated with it. If I was going to use the shop regularly then I'd say something to her. It's clear she was an utter cow but at the moment, you're the only person hurting/stressed. She's paid to work in the shop so will serve you if she has to. I imagine she's not giving this the head space that you are.

You've done nothing wrong. Sometimes you have to stand your ground and fight, sometimes you walk away for your own sanity. I'd do the latter but I'm not you. Also, I could imagine her silently laughing at you waiting longer than normal to be served.

Well then she can laugh at me if she wants.
OP posts:
Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:44

@Teardrop2021

You don't have a right to make her working environment hostile though. If she was the only person on the till what would you do? Damn that the manager put someone else on the till. It looks as if you wanting to cause problems.
Awww yes poor her having a hostile working environment. Bless the little stabbing, glassing, punching diddums having to deal with a little hostility.
OP posts:
Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:45

I'm guessing that those that are defending her or making out I'm causing problems were bullies themselves at school! Only bullies justify bullying!

OP posts: