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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be served in a shop by my school bully?

289 replies

CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:22

When I was at school I was bullied throughout secondary school by a very 'tough' girl who was absolutely vile to me. Particular highlights include her threatening to stab me, and in a nightclub when I was about 18 threatening to glass me in the face! She also punched me in the face several times throughout school, kicked me off a chair, hit me on the head with a tennis racquet. The list goes on...

Since school I'm aware she's not changed much and has been in trouble with the police but seems to have a reputation as a 'lovable rogue' and is one of those that gets away with everything. School never did a thing to stop her behaviour and I was expected to just put up with it because she came from a troubled background.

Anyway, for the past year she has worked in a shop that's very local to me. I am no longer afraid of her and refuse to stop using the shop as it's convenient for me to use. However I will not be served by her, and I always queue at a different till to the one that she is on.

Tonight I went into the shop and, with two tills being open, I queued at the one that she was not on even though she was only serving one customer. When she'd finished serving her customer, the assistant at the till I was at said to go on to the other till as it was empty and I said 'no I'm fine thanks, I'll stay here'. She was quite insistent and looked at me like I was nuts when I refused to move and said I wanted to be served at that till and was happy to queue.

AIBU to not want to be served in a shop by someone that was a violent bully to me at school?

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 22:21

@Teardrop2021

22:14CoffeeRunner the respect comment is to the respect who reference keyworkers as servants.

End of the day if you go in the shop and make issues you utilmately can end up getting banned, if the till is free and the server is free and you can be aerve get served but don't go in and give her abuse.

I haven't given her any abuse! I didn't say at any point that I did give her any abuse! Oh well they will have to ban me then.
OP posts:
AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan · 05/03/2021 22:22

High school is over OP.

Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 22:23

@AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan

High school is over OP.
So I've got to interact with my bully?
OP posts:
Givemeabreak88 · 05/03/2021 22:24

No you could just go somewhere else...

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/03/2021 22:24

OP, bullying is hideous. I don't condone it in any way and have also experienced it.

I also believe you need to find closure on this issue and that this can only come from within you. Your bully doesn't care. I assure you she isn't expending this amount of headspace on you. The effect of a bully can stay with someone for a long, long time and this is where some counselling may be necessary to help you come to terms with the past.

This is not to deflect the responsibility for the bullying onto you, but to help you move on and leave this unhappy period firmly behind you. You can't do that if you are wilfully putting yourself in her presence. Is it absolutely essential that you use this particular shop? Is there no other outlet that can serve your purpose? Online shopping, a trip out?

Is that fair? Of course it isn't; life isn't. But think about it. Is your own peace of mind, sense of security and physical and mental well-being more important to you? Or is being right?

Landlubber2019 · 05/03/2021 22:26

I would shop in the store, I would hold my head up and look her in the eye. I wouldn't mention the abuse and would to take back the control back!

Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 22:26

I am honestly gobsmacked that some on here are defending her and making out I'm the unfair one by not wanting to have anything to do with her! Even going as far as to accuse me of being the one to cause trouble! Absolutely unbelievable!

OP posts:
Moelwynbach · 05/03/2021 22:27

Happiness is the best form of revenge. Smile excessively use her name a lot and make an effort to be served by her. Look her in the eye and smile. It freaks them out.

Workyticket · 05/03/2021 22:28

@Eckhart

I'd relish it. She'd be paid to serve you. Like a servant. You're paying her wages!
Me too

My ex's mam was a right cow to me (youngish but serious relationship)

She was working on Morrisons till a few years later. I didn't realise until I recognised her voice when she asked if I wanted a hand packing

I always say no thanks and pack my own. Not that day 😀

Emeraldshamrock · 05/03/2021 22:31

I was assaulted by 3 girls all in our teens when DS was in preschool the main girl got a job there, he could talk I knew the other staff so he'd be safe, it was satisfying to see her squirming, she really let herself go.
I'm not usually a cow but it felt good.

AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan · 05/03/2021 22:32

Is it really worth this time and energy to carry this around with you? It's over. It was years ago. You were all kids. Now, if she started up again now then that would be different but she hasn't, so is it worth the energy you seem to be using to hold all this anger and pain? To stand in a queue for longer than necessary because you dont want her to scan your shopping? What are you achieving? This isnt about her. It is about you. Standing there, working yourself up, getting angry at another assistant for doing nothing wrong when she told you to move up, coming out the shop carrying these feelings, probably talking away in your head with thoughts like how you're showing her.... how has this made your life better?

Move on. Go through the shop and pay whichever one is free first and then leave without any aggro or working yourself up. It's over.

TheSultanofPingu · 05/03/2021 22:33

@Eckhart

I'd relish it. She'd be paid to serve you. Like a servant. You're paying her wages!
Shit comment.
grapewine · 05/03/2021 22:35

@Pulledamonica

I think you need to get over this tbh. I say this as someone who had a similar problem. Doing things like this doesn't spite her, it shows her she still lives rent free in your mind - worst thing you can give a bully!
Yeah, this.
Emeraldshamrock · 05/03/2021 22:35

Particular highlights include her threatening to stab me, and in a nightclub when I was about 18 threatening to glass me in the face! She also punched me in the face several times throughout school, kicked me off a chair, hit me on the head with a tennis racquet. The list goes on...
Just parking this here for those that missed it.

Eckhart · 05/03/2021 22:36

Servants serve. People on checkouts serve. I mean no disrespect to either, but I've clearly touch a few nerves. It's literally called 'serving at/on the till'. If it's your job, you are paid to 'serve', whether you like the word or not.

The customers are meant to be treated with respect in a shop, as are the staff, so unless you raise any issues from the past, she'll have to be nice to you or mess up her job. That's quite a nice way to turn the tables on a former bully.

Escapetab · 05/03/2021 22:36

YANBU. All bullying is damaging but this sounds particularly horrible. Why should you be over it, the damage it caused you hasn't magically disappeared because you've got older. A bully from my high school has gone round friending a lot of my friends from then and apologizing; I refuse to accept the friend request she sent me. I don't wish her ill but I won't pretend nothing happened, why should I? I don't want anything to do with her or to make her feel better.

Emeraldshamrock · 05/03/2021 22:40

@Eckhart It wasn't hard to understand, relish in her customer care while she is forced to give it, enjoy her packing bags etc. Not actually use her as a servant. Grin

mrsplum101 · 05/03/2021 22:40

You're obviously not unreasonable for not wanting to be served by her, nor should you stop using the shop. You would be unreasonable to think the other assistant had any knowledge of the situation though and you can't exactly be mad at them for being confused about your refusal to move to the other till.

YouAintKingDingALing · 05/03/2021 22:41

@Emeraldshamrock what's your point? I don't think people have missed the content of the original thread.

Beyondfedupnow · 05/03/2021 22:43

YANBU op! My school bully now works in the local supermarket, her behaviour towards me was nowhere as bad as your experience but she caused me a fair few sleepless nights and anxiety about going to school for a couple of years. I played it different to you, I am so sickly sweetly nice to her, I deliberately go to her checkout, nearly 30 years after leaving school this woman clearly still hates me and it winds her up that she has to be polite to me.

Honeyroar · 05/03/2021 22:46

I think fair enough for not wanting to go to her till, but I think you should’ve said to the other cashier that you didn’t want to be served by the other cashier (you wouldn’t need to explain why, just leave it there. Let the bully girl squirm a little and possibly be asked about it later).

Beyondfedupnow · 05/03/2021 22:50

Can’t believe some of the replies on here. Op was assaulted on several occasions and she’s being told to grow up, get over it.
Some of you lot are argumentative for the hell of it.

JustLyra · 05/03/2021 22:51

YANBU

I do the same. The bullying scum that broke my jaw in high school works in a supermarket near here. It’s not massive compared to lots of supermarkets, but there’s always two or three people serving so I just avoid her till.

She doesn’t consume my thoughts, I don’t need counselling or to get over it. I just don’t want to pass the time of day or make small talk with someone I consider absolute scum.

As long as the OP was polite to the other shop assistant, which it sounds like she was, it’s a non issue to just say “I’ll just wait here”.

IEat · 05/03/2021 22:51

Do you know if she remembers you?

Forgetaboutme · 05/03/2021 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.