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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be served in a shop by my school bully?

289 replies

CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:22

When I was at school I was bullied throughout secondary school by a very 'tough' girl who was absolutely vile to me. Particular highlights include her threatening to stab me, and in a nightclub when I was about 18 threatening to glass me in the face! She also punched me in the face several times throughout school, kicked me off a chair, hit me on the head with a tennis racquet. The list goes on...

Since school I'm aware she's not changed much and has been in trouble with the police but seems to have a reputation as a 'lovable rogue' and is one of those that gets away with everything. School never did a thing to stop her behaviour and I was expected to just put up with it because she came from a troubled background.

Anyway, for the past year she has worked in a shop that's very local to me. I am no longer afraid of her and refuse to stop using the shop as it's convenient for me to use. However I will not be served by her, and I always queue at a different till to the one that she is on.

Tonight I went into the shop and, with two tills being open, I queued at the one that she was not on even though she was only serving one customer. When she'd finished serving her customer, the assistant at the till I was at said to go on to the other till as it was empty and I said 'no I'm fine thanks, I'll stay here'. She was quite insistent and looked at me like I was nuts when I refused to move and said I wanted to be served at that till and was happy to queue.

AIBU to not want to be served in a shop by someone that was a violent bully to me at school?

OP posts:
Elderflower14 · 05/03/2021 21:45

@Eckhart

I'd relish it. She'd be paid to serve you. Like a servant. You're paying her wages!
I'm a shop assistant and I am no one's servant!!!! 😡 😡 😡 😡
AlrightTreacle · 05/03/2021 21:45

How long ago was the bullying OP?

I think I would walk up to her till, be breezy and polite, but give no hint that you recognise her. If she comments that you went to school together, take a while to realise who she is, get her name wrong or something, then tell her to keep the change. Basically I'd be an overly polite passive aggressive bitch Grin.

Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:45

Can we not take the thread off on a tangent? I have not said anyone who works in a shop is a servant!

OP posts:
snowblower · 05/03/2021 21:47

What will you do if you go in there one day & she's the only one serving?. It's your choice to keep shopping there and you do indeed have every right to do so. By making that choice you must also acknowledge that she might be the person who serves you.

slashlover · 05/03/2021 21:47

@CherryTwin

Can we not take the thread off on a tangent? I have not said anyone who works in a shop is a servant!
Nobody said you did, we are allowed to reply to other posters.

I'm guessing that those that are defending her or making out I'm causing problems were bullies themselves at school! Only bullies justify bullying!

I was bullied - bloody nose etc. and work in a shop, I have to serve my bullies. I just blank them, give them absolutely no reaction because I'm an adult now.

YouAintKingDingALing · 05/03/2021 21:48

Omg. I say this kindly, pls pls seek help/counselling.

No, I wasnt a bully and honesty, you have no idea at all. I was regularly beaten up, spat at, shouted at and racially abused. My posts were actually trying to help you.

roses2 · 05/03/2021 21:48

I don't blame you and if you shop there regularly I also wouldn't tell the other shop assistant why as they are most likely friends.

Does the bully recognise you still?

Cocomarine · 05/03/2021 21:48

Well, based on your responses you clearly don’t think YABU. (And I don’t either, btw) So why did you really want to start the thread?
Perhaps you need to talk about the bullying, rather than this particular shop incident?

purplecorkheart · 05/03/2021 21:49

Honestly I would just reply that I refuse to be serviced by person x and I expect the store to check out items by someone else or have self checkout facilities or lose my sale. However the shop is unlikely to care about the bullying and losing your custom will be easier than recruiting a new member of staff.

Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:49

@snowblower

What will you do if you go in there one day & she's the only one serving?. It's your choice to keep shopping there and you do indeed have every right to do so. By making that choice you must also acknowledge that she might be the person who serves you.
Hmmm, I don't know. I'd either dump a basket/trolley full of shopping and leave or be served by her if there was no other alternative and it suited me to be shopping at that shop there and then. I'm not scared of her but I don't want to engage with her. And even though I'm not scared of her I don't fancy getting punched in the face across a till!
OP posts:
Pulledamonica · 05/03/2021 21:50

I think you need to get over this tbh. I say this as someone who had a similar problem. Doing things like this doesn't spite her, it shows her she still lives rent free in your mind - worst thing you can give a bully!

Lynora · 05/03/2021 21:50

@Eckhart

I'd relish it. She'd be paid to serve you. Like a servant. You're paying her wages!
What?

Shop assistants are not fucking servants.

LarryWasAHappyChap · 05/03/2021 21:50

I wouldn't inconvenience myself by waiting longer, but of course YANBU if you were OK with waiting.

AlrightTreacle · 05/03/2021 21:50

Also, by refusing to be served by her, you are letting her know that she bothers you. Fuck her having any effect over you now, march up to that till and buy something, don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she still has any effect on you whatsoever.

IWantT0BreakFree · 05/03/2021 21:51

She'd be paid to serve you. Like a servant. You're paying her wages!

And this attitude is exactly why retail workers are mistreated and abused on a daily basis. No, they aren't servants. You aren't superior to them.

Original poster
CherryTwin · 05/03/2021 21:51

@Pulledamonica

I think you need to get over this tbh. I say this as someone who had a similar problem. Doing things like this doesn't spite her, it shows her she still lives rent free in your mind - worst thing you can give a bully!
Ah yes, I'll just get over it. It's so easy.
OP posts:
Pulledamonica · 05/03/2021 21:52

I didn't say it was easy, I said you need to get over it.

LarryWasAHappyChap · 05/03/2021 21:54

@Pulledamonica

I didn't say it was easy, I said you need to get over it.
I don't think OP needs to get over anything. She clearly had a horrific time, and you're minimising it. OP has the perfect right to not want to interact with this person. Just because other people wouldn't care is not relevant.
VenusTiger · 05/03/2021 21:57

I'm the opposite OP - I'd absolutely want to be served by her every time I went in and I would purposely ignore her when she offers the usual chit chat (she doesn't want to let her 'loveable rogue' mask slip in front of her colleagues) - I would make a point of saying "bye" to the other till-operator as I left - there would come a point when ppl might start to realise.

sst1234 · 05/03/2021 21:58

@Pulledamonica

I didn't say it was easy, I said you need to get over it.
No she doesn’t. She’s allowed to not like this person and make it known if she wants to.
FortunesFave · 05/03/2021 21:58

@Eckhart

I'd relish it. She'd be paid to serve you. Like a servant. You're paying her wages!
Yuk
Thelnebriati · 05/03/2021 22:01

In my case she stole £10 off my debit card and I had to kick up a fuss.

Emeraldshamrock · 05/03/2021 22:02

I'd wait too.
She sounds like a nightmare they are seriously scary threats yanbu.

snowblower · 05/03/2021 22:03

You seem to still give this person a lot of power. have you had any counseling or therapy to help you deal with the issues caused by the bullying?

AppleKatie · 05/03/2021 22:04

I would go with pretending you don’t recognise her as well.

And actually if she did say something nasty to you in the shop that’s a win because you can report to her manager.

She’s unlikely to physically assault you at work although I do see why you are nervous of that given everything.

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