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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
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Theromanempire · 06/03/2021 19:24

So, my crush has really intensified these last few days Blush - not sure whether it is this thread giving me 'permission' to do it, total boredom, hormones or DH fatigue after 3 months of lockdown and being in the house together all day every day.

Today I have spent an hour daydreaming (trying to nap but failing) and half an hour lost in pinterest looking at photos Hmm very pleasant way to spend an afternoon but probably not the healthiest Grin

Weird thing is I have aphantasia so much daydreams are not at all vivid and is a series of feelings/vague images - god knows how bad I would be if I actually could see things in my mind Confused

CrumpetCity · 06/03/2021 19:34

@Hangingover I'm definitely not at the point of penning wine-fuelled late night love letters! Although if they shut the schools again, who knows, it might just tip me over the edge Grin

OP posts:
Theromanempire · 06/03/2021 19:41

@CrumpetCity so who it is...you need to tell us!

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 06/03/2021 19:42

@SpnBaby1967

I'm still daydreaming that Jensen Ackles will wall into my life and sweep me away Grin

If he's busy though, Chris Pine will have to step up to the plate.

I've been known to write some fanfiction myself and as a 40 year old maybe that is a bit on the sad side but fuck it! Life is hard, if a bit of imaginary escapism makes it feel less hard then whose to say it's wrong.

DH laughs at my obsession, even got me a xmas present in the theme of my crush! Blush

I have a poster off Jensen butt naked showing his gorgeous arse off in all his glory! Now he is god dam sexy and I love himBlush
CrumpetCity · 06/03/2021 20:18

@Theromanempire, no! I can't, I've shared too many other details about my life on this thread so I'm worried someone who knows me and knows I've previously been a fan of this person will twig it's me and I'll never live it down.

Anyway, bit of an update, it seems he's been replaced. Had a filthy dream about Ed Gamble a couple of nights ago after listening to his podcast (apparently my fetish is funny men talking eloquently about music) and have been enjoying daydreaming about him since. I'm genuinely relieved, as I'd actively tried to fantasise about various other people (some good suggestions on this thread) but just wasn't feeling it and my mind kept wandering back to my original crush. But I seem to have lost interest in them now.

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 06/03/2021 20:38

Glad it's passing OP, if that's what you want.

I bought tickets to see Mae Martin live in October, so mine is still in full swing for now.

CrumpetCity · 06/03/2021 21:02

@ShinyMe ooh I'm jealous! Although my Mae crush was short lived I still think she's lovely and hilarious.

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 06/03/2021 21:08

[quote CrumpetCity]@ShinyMe ooh I'm jealous! Although my Mae crush was short lived I still think she's lovely and hilarious.[/quote]
One of my covid resolutions is to go to more live stuff. I do really love theatre and gigs and stuff, but too many times in the past I've said no to things which were too far away or too expensive or where I wasn't sure if I'd like it, or sometimes I had tickets but didn't go because I was a bit tired or my knee hurt or some other something stupid. No more of that. So I'm driving an hour and a half to a comedy gig on my own on a work night, yay?

Holothane · 06/03/2021 21:11

M9ne the master from Dr who as played by Eric Roberts as he is now on the big finish site. I’m having great fun writing and dreaming stuff.

CrumpetCity · 06/03/2021 21:20

So I'm driving an hour and a half to a comedy gig on my own on a work night, yay?

Yay! Good for you. Why the hell not? I bet you'll have a great time.

OP posts:
APJ1 · 07/03/2021 00:01

@mxmxm the person in question? George W. Bush Blush

Oh dear, I think that pings something long-forgotten in my dream memory vault! I'm definitely not even fond of the man.

cakedays · 11/03/2021 13:05

I'm late to this thread but boy, me too. (Unhappily) married, in a job I hate and in my 40s with several little kids and I look nowadays like a crumpled middle aged mum, but in my head I'm having a very intense sapphic affair with Gillian Anderson. (I'm bi and had girlfriends when younger so this isn't some kind of late onset revelation of my sexual orientation, but woah it's intense!)

I'm guessing it's my perimenopausal desire to escape my boring middle-aged pandemic mid-life crisis showing up in force, but I never had celeb crushes when I was a younger (and clearly more sensible) person. I feel like I've been turned into a drivelling horny idiot to be honest Blush

Nevertooearlyforamojito · 11/03/2021 13:22

@cakedays, 100% Gillian all the way! She seems to be many womens crush, but intense crush.

Watching her in The Crown as Maggie might sort that out though Grin

I'm also bi and my celeb crush was....is (?) Claes Bang. I had never heard of him before seeing him in Dracula and actually, to start with he didn't really do anything for me, but then I was suddenly like 'hmm..who is this guy?" And I googled....then googled again, then YouTubed.....then YouTubed again Blush He is without a doubt the sexiest man I've seen. I went cold turkey in the end, but yes, in my head we were blissfully happy, living in Portifino Grin

MirandaWestsNewBFF · 11/03/2021 13:48

[quote CrumpetCity]@Theromanempire, no! I can't, I've shared too many other details about my life on this thread so I'm worried someone who knows me and knows I've previously been a fan of this person will twig it's me and I'll never live it down.

Anyway, bit of an update, it seems he's been replaced. Had a filthy dream about Ed Gamble a couple of nights ago after listening to his podcast (apparently my fetish is funny men talking eloquently about music) and have been enjoying daydreaming about him since. I'm genuinely relieved, as I'd actively tried to fantasise about various other people (some good suggestions on this thread) but just wasn't feeling it and my mind kept wandering back to my original crush. But I seem to have lost interest in them now.[/quote]
Is it Bill Bailey?

RapidFire · 11/03/2021 13:49

I've had to NC about this as I had a long thread last year about my current huge crush, which is V (Kim Taehung) from BTS.

Before that it was Leonardo di Caprio for a good couple of years after Titanic was released.

The only other one I can recall that was intense was Johnny Marr just after he joined TheThe after leaving the Smiths!! Shock

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush
cakedays · 11/03/2021 14:35

@CaffeineAndCrochet

DH and I were talking about Robert Downey Jr at dinner and I suddenly remembered how much I'd loved him as Larry in Ally McBeal and I completely checked out of the conversation because I was remembering him playing the piano and singing 'River'. It was like being in a TV show with the wavy flashback thing.

My current crush is Gillian Anderson. We're watching 'The Fall' and I'm obsessed with her.

I'm glad I'm not alone with my Gillian obsession! As a young bisexual teenager in the 90s, like everyone else I thought she was gorgeous as Scully in The X-Files, but I stopped watching television shortly afterwards and literally hadn't thought about her for 20 years.

Absolutely mortified to find myself experiencing a seriously intense crush on her as a grown up woman in my forties, for all the world like a fourteen year old. Only I never had crushes as a fourteen year old! Confused

I wonder whether now she's broken up with Peter Morgan she's in the market for a lesbian affair with an impoverished gone-to-seed middle aged mum who hasn't had her roots coloured for months....?

Bloodypunkrockers · 11/03/2021 17:59

[quote Nevertooearlyforamojito]**@cakedays, 100% Gillian all the way! She seems to be many womens crush, but intense crush.

Watching her in The Crown as Maggie might sort that out though Grin

I'm also bi and my celeb crush was....is (?) Claes Bang. I had never heard of him before seeing him in Dracula and actually, to start with he didn't really do anything for me, but then I was suddenly like 'hmm..who is this guy?" And I googled....then googled again, then YouTubed.....then YouTubed again Blush He is without a doubt the sexiest man I've seen. I went cold turkey in the end, but yes, in my head we were blissfully happy, living in Portifino Grin[/quote]
He's also in The Bridge. As a gigolo. If you need your fix Wink

Orangelover · 15/03/2021 23:50

Pleased to see others sharing the Gillian crush. It's still going on for me I'm afraid.

User23456 · 16/03/2021 01:50

My crush is the fictitious, dodgy TV lawyer Saul Goodman in Better Call Saul. I'm madly in love with him.

yellowDahlia · 06/05/2021 11:51

I realise I'm reviving a slightly old thread here but I had to add something because I feel like I've found my people!

OP I could have written your post. The only difference is that I've been a daydreamer for years, with various crushes and scenarios over the years. I went through a spell of obsessing about Benedict Cumberbatch/Sherlock a few years ago (still consider him an old flame tbh 😁) but then things seemed to dissipate for quite a while and RL took over my brain space I think. I realised recently I hadn't had a decent fantasy crush for quite some time... until about two weeks ago when some kind of switch was flicked and I have developed the most intense crush, leading to me daydreaming at any opportunity - driving, walking, doing the dishes... I won't say who it is because I like that he's my secret but suffice to say I am more than happy to indulge my DDs love of Marvel movies 😁 so it's a pretty conventional crush and none of your Greg Davies nonsense! (although to be fair I can sort of see it, there's definitely something about him..!)

But I totally identify with your feelings here - it feels like pure escape, an alternate reality and sometimes I do feel a bit discontented, sad that I don't have the exciting life in my head - or the chance to actually live out any of the - ahem - romantic scenes I could envision with the object of my obsession. It's not interfering with RL (I think?!) but I am conscious of that and hope I can notice if the daydreaming does start to take over. This latest spell of daydreaming was so sudden and intense that I did briefly wonder if it's the beginning of some kind of mental breakdown/mid-life crisis! But I now believe like lots of others on here that it's an antidote to the stress and mental strain of the past year. We've not had an awful time of it compared to some, but we have had a bereavement in the family, plus work has been pretty crazy at times and up until a couple of weeks ago my brain was just full of worrying about real-life issues and stressing about my career.

And it's funny, as soon as the daydreaming took over I feel so much calmer and less stressed out! It's like my brain has decided to let go of all the rubbish, hard stuff and focus on something much more enjoyable for a while, to give me a bit of a break. So I'm totally going with it. It's nice, I usually like to insert my own character into the plot of existing films/storylines and of course she is way cooler, tougher and more attractive than I am, plus irresistible to the object of my affections, of course Grin. The clothes thing I get too - I've actually bought some new stuff recently to dress more like the other me and it honestly makes me feel really happy and confident, like I'm taking a piece of her into real life. Music helps to feed the daydreams - I have a playlist on repeat which I can't stop listening to. Another positive by-product of all this is that DH is getting a bit more 'attention' - and libido is another thing I've struggled with in the past so that's no bad thing for either of us. I have never mentioned my daydreaming habit to him though, and never will - not sure he'd appreciate that he's not the only reason I'm feeling a bit revved up Wink...

I also completely identify with what you and PPs have said about it being a way to explore a sense of freedom that we don't currently have in our lives - whether that's to do with lockdown, or marriage or whatever. I agree this could be we're finding 'safe' ways to explore what it's like to be with someone else, even though I don't think I'd ever do it in real life.

The only thing that's missing now is to have an actual dream about my crush (not through want of trying!) because I agree those can stir up some pretty good feelings - a very good dream about Kylo Ren is how I discovered a surprising interest in Adam Driver, so I can join the club on that one too.

Anyway OP, enjoy it while it lasts and I'm so glad I've found some fellow daydreamers here on this thread!

Bingomangoes · 06/05/2021 12:52

Came on here to say, YANBU if it's Cillian Murphy, but someone beat me to it 5 posts in, so it looks like I have competition. Never had a crush like this as a teenager, as a middle aged mum of two with a demanding full time job....crushing hard, hopefully its completely normal!

Cecily70 · 07/06/2021 15:57

I’m in a D/s marriage with Giovanni Pernice. It’s highly satisfying Smile

TheWayOfTheWorld · 30/08/2021 16:57

Can I resurrect this thread? I'm in my mid-40s, have a 2 DC, a lovely DH and a professional career - and cannot stop doing searches and watching videos on Sebastian Stan (Bucky/The Winter Soldier in the Marvel films/programmes).

IG, TikTok and YouTube have a lot to answer for. I've even been watching clips of terrible things he was in years ago when he was in his early 20s and far too young and pretty (much prefer the older, slightly bigger and rugged late 30s version).

What is wrong with me and how do I get over this ridiculous obsession? Blush

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush
yellowDahlia · 31/08/2021 11:28

@TheWayOfTheWorld I have been suffering from exactly the same 'affliction' for weeks now - since my last post on this thread! Same as you, mid-40s/kids/DH/career... and a deep obsession with the winter soldier - short or long hair, old, young - I don't mind! I have Pinterest boards dedicated to SS which I visit daily and a number of daydreams on the go featuring various stages of the character... and it's great, I love it. He's a little pick me up during a dull or stressful day, something nice to look at or dream about when life is a bit shit. I have given up fighting it and now fully accept my Bucky addiction Grin

NeonJellyBaby · 31/08/2021 11:40

@dogsaremypeople

It's Matt Hancock isn't it!
What’s wrong with Matt Hancock? I’m not embarrassed to admit I probably would (or maybe I am as I’d never admit to this in real life).