Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
GenderApostate19 · 04/03/2021 19:29

I had this 20 years ago when The Mummy with Brendan Fraser came out, I’ve never experienced anything like it before or since. I even dragged DH to London when they were filming the sequel to try and get a glimpse Blush
Even my obsession with Phil Oakey as a teenager doesn’t compare.

FlurkenSchnit · 05/03/2021 00:46

I get this and have built up quite a collection of crushes over the years - the most enduring one is Jensen Ackles, 15 years and going strong! I also have a thing for Henry Cavill and most recently it is Sam Heughan, but only really as Jamie Fraser.
I'm pretty sure DH knows about all of these and he doesn't appear to mind.
I think it's normal to have these little crushes, it doesn't hurt anyone and breaks up the boredom of everyday life a little.

Winter1981 · 05/03/2021 00:51

I’ve loved John McEnroe for 40 years.

Beat that 😆

Wandawomble · 05/03/2021 01:11

Rowan Atkinson in Blackadder 2

PolkadotZebras · 05/03/2021 01:28

Gladiator

1:27:37-38

Other than that, why bother? 🤣

eaglejulesk · 05/03/2021 03:35

Ive done this for the last 40 years! My most intense was a celeb who was dead, but that didn't stop my daydreaming. I used to get shivery just thinking about him. Still do sometimes. The sublime Michael Hutchence.

Great choice!

DateLoaf · 05/03/2021 04:04

If it bothers you or is stopping you doing from doing other things you need to do, you could perhaps look into Limerence. It’s a form of anxiety or OCD if I’ve understood it correctly. Nothing like a harmless ‘crush’ and really horrible feelings to have.

ShinyMe · 05/03/2021 07:28

@DateLoaf

If it bothers you or is stopping you doing from doing other things you need to do, you could perhaps look into Limerence. It’s a form of anxiety or OCD if I’ve understood it correctly. Nothing like a harmless ‘crush’ and really horrible feelings to have.
Exactly that. If it's a fun fantasy that makes the days pass quicker and makes you smile, then no harm done. If it's impacting negatively on your relationships and emotions and life, then something is wrong.
ShinyMe · 05/03/2021 07:30

After watching lots of Mae Martin standup last night, I'm shocked to hear her mention she's 30! She looks so much younger. I feel less bad about fancying her now she's not half my age. She's still much younger, but not THAT much younger.

CrumpetCity · 05/03/2021 08:38

I've looked up Limerance at the suggestion of a couple of posters. I don't think it fits for me. Sounds horrible though! From what I've read a need to have your feelings reciprocated is a big part of it and the limerant person has great difficulty accepting that the object of their obsession does not and will not return their feelings. That's not how I feel at all. Also swinging between feelings of intense euphoria and feelings of despair... definitely not me. Mostly I feel a bit flat (when I'm not feeling stressed out my all the different responsibilities I'm juggling, that is), not depressed just a bit 'meh' and I think this has been a way of coping with that.

OP posts:
ChazP · 05/03/2021 09:35

I normally have a couple of fantasy celeb crushes on the go. Currently Hugh Jackman. I’ve daydreamed all manner of scenarios about where we’ve met, how we get together, even what celebrities he’s introduced me to at dinner parties.

I’ve also accompanied Jon Bon Jovi on several world tours..!

Have trawled through this post desperate to find out who OP is fantasising about, but still no clue! Feel free to DM me, OP - I’m so intrigued!

DateLoaf · 05/03/2021 09:55

That’s good OP. It’s been a wierd and stressful year (at best) for a lot of people so whatever’s helpful, is helpful. Smile

MaxNormal · 05/03/2021 22:17

So just after reading the start of this thread a few days ago I've just had a massive crush flare up as well. Definitely a combo of a lot of stress and difficulties recently and my 40 something hormone cycle.

The weird thing is its a particularly fictional character. If I see pictures of the actor who plays him it looks all wrong. Has to be the actual character.
Loooots of time watching YouTube clips going on...

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 05/03/2021 22:29

12 pages in and you’ve not told us.

AStrangerToHerself · 05/03/2021 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaxNormal · 05/03/2021 23:22

@AStrangerToHerself here it is in it's fully cringy glory. At least it's not a George W Bush sex dream though, still pissing myself about that one.

RedLipsAndRosyCheeks · 06/03/2021 08:32

I've just started doing the daydream thing too.

Like others I think it's stress/boredom/hormones.
I'm definitely very happy with DH still.....but him WFH in loungewear with hair in need of a hairdresser is not exactly floating my boat.

A Daniel Craig/James Bond hybrid is hitting the spot nicely. Yet to actually dream about him though which is a bit annoying because I find dreams better than daydreams.

Chickady · 06/03/2021 08:40

I have ADHD and have always had this sort of thing. I've learned they do pass and I just sort of live with the intensity, knowing it will finish.

TheJerkStore · 06/03/2021 08:44

I’ve also accompanied Jon Bon Jovi on several world tours..!

Me too 🙈

CurlsandCurves · 06/03/2021 09:58

I’ve recently developed a huuuuge crush on the new Chaser, Darragh Ennis.

He can come and be a menace with me anytime.

dazzlinghaze · 06/03/2021 12:01

I've always had celebrity obsessions throughout my life but hadn't had one for years until about 4 years ago when I found out my long term partner had cheated on me. I ended the relationship and almost immediately developed an all consuming crush on Harry Styles (I was 24 so not as bad as it sounds Grin). I honestly would think about him all the time and wanted to talk about him constantly. I think because I was going through such a hard time it was my brains way of protecting me. It faded when I started to feel better. I still really like him and think he is so handsome but in a more normal way haha! But I will always think fondly of him because, unbeknownst to him, he really got me through a tough period in my life. If you're having a hard time it might be a similar thing for you.

Holothane · 06/03/2021 12:27

Nothing wrong with this op, if he floats your boat then fine,

Janegrey333 · 06/03/2021 14:29

Do we know who it is yet?

Hangingover · 06/03/2021 14:31

I used to work with slebs. You wouldn't BELIEVE the letters we used to get addressed to them. You sound mild by comparison. I think as long as it's only in your head you're probably grand!

Hangingover · 06/03/2021 14:35

Actually as a PS, the letters and emails from people who were clearly mentally ill obviously weren't funny (although sometimes contained edible/drinkable treats which was nice except for the baseline paranoia that they might be poisoned). My favourites were the ones from women that had been sent about 11.30 at night, while watching whoever it was on TV and drinking wine, and were misspelled, usually containing a selfie or two and almost always featuring the words "I promise I'm not crazy", and "I just really want to shag the pants off of X". Always brightened up a Monday morning. Grin