Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
MajorMujer · 28/02/2021 16:16

I've had a mega crush on Harrison Ford for over 30 years, ir ebbs and wains but is a lovely distracting daydream when I'm dog walking.
I DO think that its linked to hormones as it used to be worse before a period & now I'm in peri menopause.

Enjoy it !

HaHaVeryBunny · 28/02/2021 16:34

Don't think that's too unusual OP and as you said hormonal changes could have something to do with it.
You seem quite realistic thats it's just an enjoyable fantasy and nothing ever is going to come of it, so l wouldn't worry it will probably fade away or die down over time, just like teenage crushes used to do.
It could also be your coping mechanism to get through lockdown... and once things get back to bit of normality, you might find yourself not as interested in this person as you were.

SabrinaTheMiddleAgedBitch · 28/02/2021 16:38

I’ve just had my feet up with a cup of tea watching ‘Daryl Dixons best moments’ on Youtube GrinBlush I think it's far more common than people admit

FoxyTheFox · 28/02/2021 16:43

Is it interfering with your day to day life or is it just an enjoyable bit of "me time" in the same way that you would take time out to read a book or have a nap? If it's the former then yes, that's problematic and would need addressing. If it's the matter then crack on with yourself, you're not hurting anyone and a bit of escapism can be good for you.

greenfrogs1 · 28/02/2021 16:44

There must be a million women like this with Cillian Murphy 🤤

MaxNormal · 28/02/2021 16:47

Please tell us who it is Grin

shitsandgig · 28/02/2021 16:49

@MaxNormal

Please tell us who it is Grin
Ditto !!!
Somethingsnappy · 28/02/2021 16:50

Yes, please!

demelza82 · 28/02/2021 16:51

Look up 'maladaptive daydreaming'

Balaur · 28/02/2021 16:52

Nah it's fine. I'm 45 and do this. It's like a hobby. I also write fanfic. It's maybe on the more unusual side of interests but it's pure escapism that's all. Don't feel guilty, just enjoy it

FoxyTheFox · 28/02/2021 16:53

There must be a million women like this with Cillian Murphy

🤢

He looks like a thumb.

Jayneisagirlsname · 28/02/2021 16:54

I do this too. I have different lives and often choose which one I want to spend time in before I go to sleep.

Treaclepie19 · 28/02/2021 16:55

I'd agree with the above. A little escapism can be good for mental health I reckon.

Oysterbabe · 28/02/2021 16:56

As pp said, if it's not actually interfering with your life in a negative way then just enjoy it. I love to day dream about various ridiculous scenarios. It genuinely cheers me up.

AllTheFloralCurtains · 28/02/2021 16:57

I had something very similar about Adam Driver...about 3 months ago. I'd actually cry with despair over it, it was mortifying and really quite isolating.
Similar with Spike from Buffy (maybe 10 years ago) and the bloke from Desperate Housewives... Mike? About 4 years ago.

All felt very really. Always terrifies me, but it does pass!

It helps that I have ADHD, so I'll hyperfocua in a very similar way on things like being an astronaut, or learning a craft - obsessions that eventually do fade

AllTheFloralCurtains · 28/02/2021 17:00

I'll also add that those saying it's a daydream and to enjoy it, probably haven't experienced it.

IME it's somewhere between the obsessive, all consuming crush you get as a young teen and the most horrific break up you've ever had.
Extraordinarily powerful feelings.

I find distraction works - so for Adam Driver, I told myself I admired his acting and therefore threw myself into the research for becoming an actor. Learned all about drama school, auditions etc etc. Every time Adam crept in, I resear he'd more acting. It worked - acting was a lot less emotive to obsess over!

Pulledamonica · 28/02/2021 17:01

Also want to know who it is. Sorry 😂

Bloodypunkrockers · 28/02/2021 17:05

As a pp said, maladaptive daydreaming

I have a whole other life in my head

I'm a beautiful film and tv star and everyone has a good opinion of me

ilikebungalows · 28/02/2021 17:14

Nothing wrong with a bit of escapism, I reckon lots of people do it. I regularly knock off 40 years, pack a bag, and toddle off to the nineteenth century to meet up with Tom Lefroy as played by James McAvoy.

merryhouse · 28/02/2021 17:20

Ah, I could have written this 11 years ago - I was 40, SAHM with a 10yo and 7yo and my dream wasn't a sex dream but apart from that it's the same!

I got it pretty bad: I think the only reason I didn't buy his older brother's band's record was that I couldn't find a reasonably-priced copy!

A sonic screwdriver can still make me Blush...

I don't think there's any harm in it, so long as you don't neglect your responsibilities (I don't think I did).

merryhouse · 28/02/2021 17:24

Though tbf, I am the queen of maladaptive daydreaming (36 years and counting...)

merryhouse · 28/02/2021 17:25

oops, that should have said 34. Is it only in my head that I'm good at maths? Grin

MustardMitt · 28/02/2021 17:30

I think (hope) this is normal.

I normally let the obsession ride itself out, while indulging myself Wink for a while, with shirtless pic googles and the like.

Mine was Gerard Butler, who I don't even like normally, and my dream was me and him sitting outside a log cabin while several of our children frolicked on a wooden pier. It was lovely. And also 12 years ago which shows how strong the feelings must have been!

CornedBeef451 · 28/02/2021 17:31

I've the same problem but I think it's last hormone surge as I assume I'm perimenopausal at 44. It seems to be fading a bit now but it's been two years!

My family know about it, well some of it anyway. For Christmas I got a mug with his picture on and a pillowcase too. DH is very supportive, even offered to take me to a fan convention where I could meet him but I couldn't think of anything more mortifying!

Hopefully it will pass and we will calm down soon enough.

Laiste · 28/02/2021 17:34

It's amazing how one intense out of the blue dream about someone can throw you or alter your attitude to that person quite drastically.

In my early 20s i had a sex dream about my (then) Hs best friend. I didn't like him that way in irl at all! After that dream i couldn't function normally in front of him again for months. Every time he was at our house I felt as if a big label appeared on my forehead saying ''i had a sex dream about you!'' written on it and i was like a rabbit in the headlights with horror and cringe. In the end it got to the stage that XH asked if i had a thing for his mate as i was avoiding him! Shock NO! Quite the opposite! Hmm