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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
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UniBallEye · 31/08/2021 12:13

I've had a few celebrity crushes, mainly since hitting 40! They've included Jamie Dornan, Eddie Redmayne (over this one now thank god!) and Liam Neeson (so would with him!)

I love to do internet stalking when I am in the throes of a crush.

I recently met someone well known in certain circles through work and there was something about him that just stopped me in my tracks. He's handsome but articulate and funny and humble. I admit I've had a few untoward thoughts about him since....!

I'm married 18 years and am a mother of teens.....this guy was nice to me in a professional sense and nothing more. He'd be horrified to think what he's sparked I'd say!!

I also had a weird intense dream about a colleague which freaked me out a bit as I SO don't feel like that about him in real life...

Redlorryellow · 31/08/2021 13:44

Op get on tumblr and see if there’s anyone else who shares your passion for this bloke! I have a long standing musical celeb crush and Ive met some fellow fans on tumblr which makes me feel less weird and it’s a nice distraction to scroll through pics, read fanfic or comment on things! crawls back into hole of embarrassment I blame the pandemic…

Finewine76 · 31/08/2021 13:58

Russell brand??

Waxonwaxoff0 · 31/08/2021 14:01

I quite fancy Jungkook and have been watching a few Youtube vids of them. No idea why as he is the opposite of my usual type, I like beards and tattoos! Plus he's too young for me. I'm chalking it up to 7 years of singledom messing with my brain.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 31/08/2021 14:02

Sorry, meant to quote the post from @RapidFire there.

StoatMilk · 31/08/2021 14:11

@greenfrogs1

There must be a million women like this with Cillian Murphy 🤤
Cillian Murphy? No no there really aren’t
FlyingPandas · 31/08/2021 14:38

I do this too OP though in a slightly different way. For me, it's almost always a girl crush on a female celebrity and, by extension, her partner, if he is also in the public eye. It becomes like a kind of parallel fantasy world where I enjoy dreaming up little romantic scenarios for them and imagining their life together and I create little episodes in my head that I daydream about during quiet moments.

My current one is a celeb I've admired for a long time, she has a relatively new partner who is also someone whose work I've enjoyed, and who seems lovely and talented and (as far as you can tell from someone's public image or what they put on social media!) one of life's good guys and therefore a great partner for her. And it gives me a RIDICULOUS amount of pleasure to imagine them happy together. Both are pretty private about their personal lives on social media (which only intensifies my crush and admiration) but post the very occasional snippet which makes it obvious that things are going well, and when they do that it just makes me smile and go all kind of 'awwww'. Kind of in almost a maternal or big sisterly way. I realise that sounds utterly, utterly bonkers and batshit Grin

However, I genuinely think it is harmless. It doesn't impact on my life in any negative way - like you OP I work and run a household and take care of a family, I have been married for years and we are very happy but with the best will in the world life can feel like groundhog day sometimes. And this is just a bit of happy escapism that I daydream about in quiet moments. No-one in my 'real life' would have a clue that I do it.

So I don't feel there is anything wrong with it BUT crucially I would never dream in a million years of contacting any celeb, making any comment on social media, doing anything inappropriate or trying to meet them etc etc. I actually have no desire to meet any celeb at all. I just enjoy the make-believe aspect.

namechangetheworld · 31/08/2021 14:51

Bloody hell, I could have written your original post!. I'm also 36, married, and have two children the same ages as yours. I have a huge stonking crush on a rock star of yesteryear, who's now in his seventies! Blush I often have elaborate daydreams about being transported back to the 1980s so we can be together and spend far too much time on Pinterest scrolling through photos and reading dodgy fanfic. I blame the pandemic. It's done something strange to my brain. I was never like this before, even as a teenager!

Rivermonsters · 31/08/2021 15:00

Don’t worry OP. I’ve got a huge crush on Tony Blair

TheWayOfTheWorld · 31/08/2021 15:03

[quote yellowDahlia]**@TheWayOfTheWorld* I have been suffering from exactly* the same 'affliction' for weeks now - since my last post on this thread! Same as you, mid-40s/kids/DH/career... and a deep obsession with the winter soldier - short or long hair, old, young - I don't mind! I have Pinterest boards dedicated to SS which I visit daily and a number of daydreams on the go featuring various stages of the character... and it's great, I love it. He's a little pick me up during a dull or stressful day, something nice to look at or dream about when life is a bit shit. I have given up fighting it and now fully accept my Bucky addiction Grin [/quote]
Ah a fellow admirer! I don't like the long hair version though and it only kicked off half-way through TFATWS. I'm following him on IG and everything 🤣.

There is a wonderful TikTok video with a compilation of scenes from "Monday"

Devpatelslaughingeyes · 31/08/2021 15:14

One of mine is a similar age to my grandson but, meh, it’s all in my head so no harm done. I have lots of adventures with Dev Patel, we go to exotic desert islands and do exciting things. When he’s busy Daniel Ricciardo steps in. He’s a lot of fun. If I want something really wild it’s Alice Cooper. Yep, I’m a floozy. An old one. No harm done. I have a good life, a happy marriage, but a little escapism doesn’t hurt from time to time.
Until this thread I didn’t realise how normal it was.

Progress2019 · 31/08/2021 15:16

My longest is 15 years and still going, but these intense daydreams have been going on for about 35 years. Im 50

I never cry because it can’t work out, because in my head it has. He adores me! Im younger, successful, pretty and thin. Of course he loves me

In real life I’m very happily married, and have a nice life, but I enjoy my daydreams

Libraryghost · 31/08/2021 15:21

It’s your hormones. It’s normal (hoping so) I actually struggled to get my work done one day because the feeling was so intense. It’s a wonderful but weird feeling. I have found since I have been peri menopausal the crushes I get are very similar to when I was a young teen. I haven’t got time for daydreaming now though. I have a busy life!!!

Libraryghost · 31/08/2021 15:22

@Rivermonsters

Don’t worry OP. I’ve got a huge crush on Tony Blair
Seek help I beseech you
Inim · 31/08/2021 16:15

I get this alllllll the time
Recently it was Adam Driver and now it’s Bo Burnham 😳 I feel like it’s just a nice, harmless distraction

Purpleguitar · 31/08/2021 16:17

So pleased to hear it's not just me with a bizarre strong crush. I'm also perimenopausal with my libido all over the place! My crush hasn't been mentioned, but just can't stop the daydreaming! Don't understand my own head sometimes!!

yellowDahlia · 31/08/2021 16:25

Oh lordy @TheWayOfTheWorld don't encourage me! Haven't watched Monday yet - I think it might end me... 😂

ItllBeFinee · 31/08/2021 16:38

I am like this with Tom Hiddleston. DH knows he's in trouble if the, obviously very likely, scenario were to occur in which he proposed marriage to me.

LBirch02 · 31/08/2021 16:50

Before I got together with my boyfriend I had such a strong celeb crush I had insomnia for over 3 weeks. !! This is in the past 2 yrs. I was so hyper with it I couldn’t switch off

TheWayOfTheWorld · 31/08/2021 17:03

@yellowDahlia

Oh lordy *@TheWayOfTheWorld* don't encourage me! Haven't watched Monday yet - I think it might end me... 😂
I can't find it on download in the UK - and I'd also have to explain it to DH 🤣. There is a YouTube channel with A LOT of clips

In the meantime, enjoy these:

vm.tiktok.com/ZMRBwMfLu/

vm.tiktok.com/ZMRBw85D1/

TheWayOfTheWorld · 31/08/2021 17:09

@yellowDahlia I'm so happy to have found someone to talk to about this Wink

PartyPotato · 31/08/2021 17:13

I woke up early this morning and fell back asleep having a lovely fantasy about me and my celebrity crush…. It’s escapism! But it shouldn’t be all consuming, and you should keep an eye on how it affects your emotions.
If I have a celebrity sex dream (and I have them A LOT) then I do find myself very distracted the next day thinking about it. But after a day or two, I get over it, and I don’t feel like it has any long term effect on me.

PartyPotato · 31/08/2021 17:16

I couldn’t possibly admit who I’m currently OBSESSED with, it’s embarrassing… he’s what you’d call a ‘weird crush’. But I cannot stop shagging him in my dreams 😂

Bodgedboxdye · 31/08/2021 17:43

I had this with Rory McCann. I bought his signature for £20 haha.

Don’t feel like that now, but it was a lovely past time. (:

Susannahmoody · 31/08/2021 17:46

I'm like this about whispers Monty Don blushgrin

^

Me too. Omg he does something to me

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