Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DP to take his children out sometimes rather than roping me into his contact every week?

264 replies

OreoIce · 28/01/2021 11:14

My partner lives with me in my small masionette, due to lockdown he has his children here every week as nowhere is open to take them.

I don't mind this generally as I'm very fond of the children but sometimes I want/need my own space. Today is one of those times as I feel run down.

I also don't think it's good (for them) that every time they see their dad they have to spend that time with me too.

WIBU to suggest he gets creative with his contact time and takes them to parks/on walks sometimes as opposed to just sitting in here watching tv or playing the PlayStation?

OP posts:
HmmSureJan · 28/01/2021 11:15

No YANBU and I would it very hard to remain attracted to such a passive, useless parent.

Fatfunt · 28/01/2021 11:18

Yeah totally. Why can’t he think of this himself?

AStudyinPink · 28/01/2021 11:18

My partner lives with me in my small masionette, due to lockdown he has his children here every week as nowhere is open to take them.

Isn’t he just spending time with his kids at his home?

Original poster
OreoIce · 28/01/2021 11:20

Isn’t he just spending time with his kids at his home?

Yes but they don't come here to see me. He hasn't had any individual father/child time with them since he moved in here.

Plus I doubt they stay in all of the time when they're at their mothers.

It's not good for anybody.

OP posts:
WhatKatyDidNxt · 28/01/2021 11:20

YANBU at all. No offence to you but lm sure they want to spend time with just their dad. Plus l can see why you want to have some alone time -l know it’s in short supply for lots of us at the moment

tisonlymeagain · 28/01/2021 11:22

YANBU. I go with them sometimes, sometimes I just want to be on my own (I have DC of my own). I tell him constantly they want to be with him, and it's not that he doesn't want to be with them, he's an amazing dad to all the kids but he likes to do things as a family and involve me. I don't need that.

WINKINGatyourage · 28/01/2021 11:23

Just don’t be involved. Do you own thing.

AStudyinPink · 28/01/2021 11:23

Yes but they don't come here to see me. He hasn't had any individual father/child time with them since he moved in here.

Then you go out? I think he’s using his home to see his children and if you don’t want to be around them, it’s easy to resolve.

Or do you think it’s your house, not his?

Not meaning to be rude, it just sounds like that.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 28/01/2021 11:24

Could you take yourself off for a lie down and read a book in your room?

It would be good if he did take them out but currently if someone tried that here they would break a limb on the ice.

ThePricklySheep · 28/01/2021 11:25

Hm, I suppose if you need space you could get that by going out yourself. But he definitely needs to not let them be on screens all day. Going out is good for them but he could also play other games with them, get them drawing/playing/making biscuits etc.

Original poster
OreoIce · 28/01/2021 11:26

It's hard to do my own thing due to the layout of the place, it's mainly open plan and it feels rude to just shut myself away in the bedroom (although I don't feel I should have to do that really)

OP posts:
Original poster
OreoIce · 28/01/2021 11:29

Then you go out?

I wouldn't usually have a problem with that, but I feel run down and can think of nothing worse than aimlessly wandering around for hours when I feel like this.

They're high energy and active kids, they would benefit from being outdoors more than I would today.

Football at the park, a walk by the river, surely anything is better than another day cooped up indoors.

OP posts:
TallTowerFan · 28/01/2021 11:29

He should be doing more with his kids , definitely. What was he like with them before covid hit? If he was the same I'd begin to reconsider the relationship , especially if you want kids yourself.

A simple solution would be to go out for a walk or lock yourself in the bathroom when you need space.

Whattheactual20201 · 28/01/2021 11:30

If they are just sat playing PlayStation why don’t you just do your own thing ?
They just seem to be in the house which is annoying to you.
Do you have kids ?
You say every week how many days a week ? Do you not get the rest if the week for Space and time ?

Seeline · 28/01/2021 11:31

HOw often and how long for does your DP have his DCs?

How old are they?

He hasn't had any individual father/child time with them since he moved in here.

How long has he been living with you?

Whattheactual20201 · 28/01/2021 11:31

@TallTowerFan I would be more concerned about her if she wanted more kids. If she can’t handle kids spending part of the week in her house playing games.

TallTowerFan · 28/01/2021 11:31

I don't think it's rude to lock yourself away btw. I do that when I need space at home , lockdown means I am constantly surrounded by people and it can be hard.

Cocomarine · 28/01/2021 11:33

I’d go off a man, if I saw he was lazy with his children 🤷🏻‍♀️

AStudyinPink · 28/01/2021 11:33

I wouldn't usually have a problem with that, but I feel run down and can think of nothing worse than aimlessly wandering around for hours when I feel like this.

Did you discuss this with your partner before he moved in? His usual patterns with the kids, how they used his home? Your needs?

They're high energy and active kids, they would benefit from being outdoors more than I would today.

I don’t disagree, but that’s probably his call.

Football at the park, a walk by the river, surely anything is better than another day cooped up indoors.

What do they want to do?

RapunzelHadExtensions · 28/01/2021 11:35

YANBU. Once again though the responses are very different to a similar situation I posted about where it was their mum who had them on screens every day (we have an app, 18 and a half hours one day is the record) that was full of people saying screens aren't that bad and she's obviously doing her best. Now it's 'they shouldn't be on screens all day'. Go figure.
Anyway OP YANBU and I would be speaking to your DP about him giving you some space.

CupOfTeaAlonePlease · 28/01/2021 11:35

YANBU he sounds lazy. He should take his children out for exercise and stimulation instead of squatting down in front of a screen.

What do you like about him?

Seeline · 28/01/2021 11:36

@Cocomarine

I’d go off a man, if I saw he was lazy with his children 🤷🏻‍♀️
Without knowing all the details, it's a bit unfair to label him as lazy!

The weather has been really crap this lock-down, which if DCs are small mean that having them out for hours at a time with nowhere to shelter - cafes etc shut - is not ideal.

WE don't know how long he has his DCs for, how regularly, what they do when with their mum etc

Chiccie · 28/01/2021 11:37

How long after his split did he move in with you? Has he actually ever lived on his own and looked after his own kids by himself for whole weekends?

TallTowerFan · 28/01/2021 11:39

@RapunzelHadExtensions I think the responses regarding screens are based on the fact that he probably has eow access and should be ready to entertain them when they come to him.

But I do agree that 18hrs a day is far too much!

Chiccie · 28/01/2021 11:40

Why didn’t you move in with him into what, presumably, would be a bigger and more child contact friendly home?

Swipe left for the next trending thread