To want DP to take his children out sometimes rather than roping me into his contact every week?

[OreoIce]

My partner lives with me in my small masionette, due to lockdown he has his children here every week as nowhere is open to take them.

I don't mind this generally as I'm very fond of the children but sometimes I want/need my own space. Today is one of those times as I feel run down.

I also don't think it's good (for them) that every time they see their dad they have to spend that time with me too.

WIBU to suggest he gets creative with his contact time and takes them to parks/on walks sometimes as opposed to just sitting in here watching tv or playing the PlayStation?

I'm showing my age but wasn't there some game a while back that involved finding Pokemon or something like that in weird and wacky places? Under bridges, behind buildings, that sort of thing... I remember my much younger brother telling me about it...he'd be walking miles to find rare ones and had actually lost a bit of weight!

Couldn't your DP get some sort of game going with his kids that gets them outside more?

It really sounds like you need an honest conversation with your partner. Does he know how unwell you are feeling? If not you need to be clear. If the weather is bad where you are then it seems like the compromise for today is you rest in bed and they leave you in peace.

Maybe a conversation with DP about acceptable noise levels when gaming would be more productive and result in a more peaceful home than asking him to take them out?

Oh, and the kids are very clearly told you aren’t feeling so good so they need to keep the noise down or they have to go out and play in the cold!

Are you sure being in a relationship with a man with children Is right for you?

We are in lockdown, my teens haven’t been out the door since Christmas Day! I’m not forcing it. They are doing school work, socialising on line with friends and enjoying the slower pace of life.

I don’t know many 12 years olds who want to go to a park! I think you are being unreasonable , the are his children and he can parent them how he likes as long as they are looked after!

I clock up lots of hours screentime but often I'm not watching it. I like to put on stuff to listen to while I potter.

What do they want to do?

I don't actually agree with this when it comes to kids. My DSC would spend every waking minute sat playing Xbox if they were allowed to, literally the whole day, in their pjs playing games, all week from wake up to bed.

But we don't let them do what they want to do all the time because it's not good for them in our opinion as parents/adults. Once they are out for a walk or a kick around in the park they actually enjoy it even if they don't necessarily 'want' to do it at first.

I think there is nothing wrong with encouraging your partner to get out of the flat and get some fresh air and exercise with his kids.

What they want to do when indoors is play on the PlayStation which is also fine in moderation but there's no volume control. They shout and scream when playing then fall out over the games etc

And I don't agree that it's fine to let anyone, kids included, dominate living space with behaviour like this if it's affecting other people in the home. No way would my parents have allowed me to sit in my room (or living space) shouting and screaming and falling out all day.

2pinkgins
Don’t they need some daylight and exercise though? A month indoors is awful. I don’t feel like going out either but I make myself. I think you need to get them out too.

I think most people would feel a bit deflated about having to have family round when they're feeling unwell wouldn't they?

But they aren’t family round for a visit are they? They are his children and his home is their home twice a week. It’s not like aunty and uncle coming over for a visit.

I understand you are feeling unwell but children live with you whether you feel shit or not. It’s part of being with someone with children. While they aren’t yours, they are his and his home is by extension their home too.

My 6 & 8 year old now just point blank refuse to leave the house. They are bored shitless with walks and parks and woods etc. I won’t force them because we all just trudge round in misery for the sake of it. H and I swap going to another room to watch Netflix or whatever to get some headspace.

I have an older half sister and she was 3 when my parents got together and was 11 when I was born. I can’t imagine my Mum ever telling my Dad to take her out so she can have peace, especially as she had all the peace she needed when they weren’t there.

You say he takes them to the park on the way back but that isn’t the same. I don’t understand why. Surely the time they are out of the house is the same as if they came home then left after a couple of hours?

@rowmaccerd

Are you in UK where its meant to be lockdown so you aren't meant to be going out?

Is it cold wet and windy out?
Are all the public buildings and toilets closed?

Can't see the issue to be honest. If you had posted he keeps taking them out unnecessarily in lockdown and then they come back cold and wet he would be being called a tosser for that.

I have to agree. My kids have to be dragged kicking and screaming (not usually literally!) to go on walks. It’s cold wet and miserable. I think most families will be spending more time at home than they would usually.

He only has them at the weekend and he can't even be bothered with them? Charming.

If you can't make the effort to take your kids out of their screens it's bad enough, but when you only have them 2 days a week? Why do people bother having children at all?

I do judge lazy parents like that, but I genuinely don't understand what you find attractive in a man like that. Presumably he's staying home doing nothing too!

I really don't understand why people can't be bothered to read the op properly. The op has said several times she enjoys the company of the children, is normally happy to join in with them but at this moment in time is feeling ill, under the weather, having a decline in my so could do with a bit of alone time. This is also her home that the og has moved into. As a loving partner it shouldn't be too much to ask for him to take the kids for a walk, then maybe grab a mcdonalds and eat in the car to give op an hour or twos peace when she is feeling unwell.

Yanbu but your oh is not a mind reader, be blunt with him. You are not feeling well and need some alone time so he needs to take the kids out for a walk and then mcdonalds so you can have a bit of peace. His response will let you know if this relationship is worth going forward with.

I am expecting my 3rd baby and I have been puking my guts out all weekend. My dh took our two kids out for a walk and then fed them lunch so I could have a bit of alonetime and puke in peace. These are our children and as I was feeling sick I needed a break from them, usually not an issue but I was unwell so you are definitely not being unreasonable, they are not even your kids.

At 10 and 12, they are well old enough to understand that you're not feeling well, and are staying in bed today.

Tell your DP you need him to take them out! Text him and get him to come and discuss with you in the bedroom while they're on the PlayStation. Tell him today you're struggling, please could he take them to the park for a kick around, and stop at the shops on the way back (they can wait outside at 10 & 12) and grab something very quick and easy for tea.

Just tell him.

*mh not my

@OreoIce

It's hard to do my own thing due to the layout of the place, it's mainly open plan and it feels rude to just shut myself away in the bedroom (although I don't feel I should have to do that really)

I don't think it's rude, I'd sit in the bedroom and read a book or watch TV if I wanted some time to myself.

If people were told to keep their children indoors on house arrest there would be a national uproar. And rightly so.

I think the government should actually severely restrict all outdoor activities in January / February. That would be the one way to get people to take care of their kids and do something for their mental and physical health, instead of locking them in front of screens all day.

Get them all to download Pokemon Go or something?

I understand you are feeling unwell but children live with you whether you feel shit or not. It’s part of being with someone with children. While they aren’t yours, they are his and his home is by extension their home too

Even with my own DC, my husband, if I was feeling unwell, wouldn't bat an eyelid at taking them out for a bit so I could rest or at least not let them sit screaming and shouting and falling out over the games console all day. And I'd do the same if he was feeling unwell too!

I don't understand the notion on here sometimes that children can never be expected to put anyone elses feelings first. Whilst I understand they are inherently selfish due to still maturing and learning, I don't think it's acceptable as parents to not at least teach them these things. There's nothing wrong with saying 'right, X is not feeling great today so we're not going to sit shouting at the TV all day, she needs some rest so we need to be a bit quieter/go out for a little bit so she can rest' etc...

They’re his children in his home. He needs to move out if the situation no longer works for you, but you can’t banish your partner and his children from what is currently their home.

I completely understand what you’re saying I’d be exactly the same, but this is part and parcel of a relationship with someone who has children.

You're acting as if they are visiting family, Esther than children that should consider your home their home also.

And yes, when feeling unwell in a family, it's useful if the other parent can take the children out, but the reality is that parents don't get recuperation time when they need it usually, but when it can be scheduled in.

I felt awful yesterday, because my toddler didn't sleep. Properly drifting off to sleep, feeling dizzy rubbish. I had to just get in with it, because resting wasn't an option. The next chance I'll have for a rest in the day is the weekend.

These aren't your kids, and the same rules don't apply, but equally 5 out of 7 days you have peace, and if you feel rough on those remaining days you either stay in your bedroom or go out surely. It's not like a mum that has slogged all week asking her husband to take them out at the weekend so she can rest...

If.you don't like sharing your home with children, then that's your call, but I don't think a relationship with a man with kids is for you. They are treating THEIR home as a base, as they should do.

And if you don't want to go out in the cold, why do you think 3 other people want to...

@HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst

I think he can do what he wants with his kids, tbh. There's not much to do at the moment, and the weather is shit. And considering it's only two days a week and you have five days on your own without them, I can't really see that he's being at all unreasonable tbh.

If you're going to be so dismissive of the wants of the person who's house you're living in, you should probably find your own.

I'd be really annoyed if my husband just said 'I can do what I want with my children' and therefore didn't take what I said into consideration at all, especially given it's OPs home too!

It depends where in the country you are. It's really not that bad here weather-wise. Relatively dry and bright today. We get out most days. Lovely walk in the snow at the weekend...it was magical.

Yes, it's easier with a little one but can't children that age be bribed with a takeaway hot chocolate, piece of cake or other treat? They'd sleep so much better with some fresh air.

Sorry, I'm not very familiar with this age group - maybe my expectations are unreasonable. Is it usual for children to go to ground around age 10 so you have to dig them out with a spade?

I'm 37 and I would love it if I got some time with my dad and not my step mother! Please keep us this attitude when they are older too!!