To want DP to take his children out sometimes rather than roping me into his contact every week?

[OreoIce]

My partner lives with me in my small masionette, due to lockdown he has his children here every week as nowhere is open to take them.

I don't mind this generally as I'm very fond of the children but sometimes I want/need my own space. Today is one of those times as I feel run down.

I also don't think it's good (for them) that every time they see their dad they have to spend that time with me too.

WIBU to suggest he gets creative with his contact time and takes them to parks/on walks sometimes as opposed to just sitting in here watching tv or playing the PlayStation?

Yanbu

What do you get out of having a lazy partner move in with you? Except his lovely children in your space of course..

Maybe he should move out and the two of you should go back to just dating? Are you hoping to have children with this man? Because if so you have an insight into his parenting approach...

They're high energy and active kids, they would benefit from being outdoors more than I would today.

^^
I think this is the main point, rather than the OP needing space - the kids need to get out and about at some point.

If you’re run down, don’t feel bad for a moment about shutting yourself away in your room thought- it’s probably you best bet.

It seems there are two separate issues. I don't think he should take his kids out to give you space. That's his home too and his kids should be welcome. That said I'm surprised he never takes the kids out for their own benefit. Surely he should be taking them for a walk or to the park for a bit anyway.

It's currently his home too. The weather is shit and everything is shut. I think YABU, tbh.

@OreoIce

It's hard to do my own thing due to the layout of the place, it's mainly open plan and it feels rude to just shut myself away in the bedroom (although I don't feel I should have to do that really)

Well you shouldn't have to, but it's a compromise if he wants to do something with them in the house & you don't want to.

That said, there are parks & walks nearby that he could do & he chooses not to?

That's odd to me!

He should be wanting to get out with them as well as recognising that you might want some time without them all in the place!

I appreciate the fact I get alot of child free time, the problem is that their time here this week coincides with me needing a break for reasons relating to my own health.

I have no issue with the amount of time they spend here and I enjoy their company 99% of the time.

I realise my health/MH is my problem and so I'm likely being unreasonable wishing everybody could adjust to accommodate it. I know people don't get to check out of parenting when they're ill.

In an ideal world I would be able to retire to my bedroom with a book and relax but in reality that isn't going to be the case as there's always something I need to do when they're here, as much as DP would say that isn't the case.

As wonderful as they are (and they really are) there is no chance of peace and quiet when they're here.

I will have to suck it up like everybody else does.

YANBU He needs to take them out for some fresh air for at least an hour per day of their visit. Tell him you need him to do this for your and the kids' benefit. How he responds should have a bearing on your plans for a future with him.

It seems there are two separate issues. I don't think he should take his kids out to give you space. That's his home too and his kids should be welcome.

You know OP, my DH will take our young child out if I'm feeling unwell so I can rest. I do the same for him.
It is normal for partner to care about each other and you don't need listen to this kind of stuff like quoted just because you are in a step mothers role. Actually he should be MUCH more aware those are not your children in your home and his responsibility.

One thing I’ve found works for encouraging teens / tweens out for a walk is the Pokemon go app. Especially as you say they’re into gaming. I also think it would be perfectly reasonable for you to head to bed with a book for an hour or two if you’re not feeling great, whether they’re in the house or not.

I've told him he's going to need to be on the ball today with regards to the shouting/screaming when on the PlayStation because I need some down time, he said he will "try"

In fairness to him he does tell them when they're getting too loud or arguing but kids will be kids and they don't always listen (or if they do, they quickly forget)

Ignore the hostility from the first wife club OP

Of course YANBU and your partner will agree if he is considerate

If you need a bit of quiet-is there really nothing else he can think of to do with them in the house than PS?

Keeping the kids stuck indoors in front of screens is only ever going to make them climb the walls.

I wouldn't even blame them for being loud and shouting, they have far too much energy they can't spend.

@TotallyFine

What do they want to do?

I don't actually agree with this when it comes to kids. My DSC would spend every waking minute sat playing Xbox if they were allowed to, literally the whole day, in their pjs playing games, all week from wake up to bed.

But we don't let them do what they want to do all the time because it's not good for them in our opinion as parents/adults. Once they are out for a walk or a kick around in the park they actually enjoy it even if they don't necessarily 'want' to do it at first.

I think there is nothing wrong with encouraging your partner to get out of the flat and get some fresh air and exercise with his kids.

This^^

Everyone needs fresh air, daylight and exercise, weather permitting. YADNBU OP.

We have board games, lots of films, a Netflix subscription, cards, craft bits etc. They don't enjoy doing any of that. We have outdoor space they can use to kick a ball around.

They're at that age where they want to be online playing with their friends all of the time. Unfortunately they get free reign to spend all of their free time on the PS when they're at their mothers and old habits die hard. It's all they want to do.

Yes, the children should do other things with their Daddy but it’s lockdown and pouring down apart from a walk about an hour long what do you suppose they do? Lock yourself in your bedroom with a good book and a box of Chocolates.

Another issue is they have a habit of falling out over the PlayStation, so that's a source of stress in itself.

Roll on lockdown ending when we can get back to relative normality and actually do things with them, or rather DP on his own some of the time.

*You don't ask a child if they want to go outside.

You take them for a walk, a run, a jog, play tennis (public outdoor courts in the park are not closed here), take their bike, scooter, skateboard, the dog...geocaching, anything. You know your own kids.*

With 6 year olds, sure. 12 year olds? Not so much.

I love simple card games & board games as a family thing.

Where you don't have to be thinking about it too much but the bigger part of it is being together & interacting.

In an ideal world I would be able to retire to my bedroom with a book and relax but in reality that isn't going to be the case as there's always something I need to do when they're here, as much as DP would say that isn't the case.

Like what?

In an ideal world I would be able to retire to my bedroom with a book and relax but in reality that isn't going to be the case as there's always something I need to do when they're here, as much as DP would say that isn't the case.

Like what?

AStudyinPink Cross post

With 6 year olds, sure. 12 year olds? Not so much.

especially from 12.

I wouldn't have my own 13 and 14 home alone doing nothing but screen all day. They'll end up being unfit and depressed!

ZoeTurtle