To leave baby to cry?

[Hullllla]

When everything that you can do has been done, is this acceptable or just a big no no?

@Hullllla

I cried and said I regretted having him and she laughed, so I can’t see her being much help!

Call the hub, ask to speak to someone else, and report your HV because she fucking sucks.

OP your baby loves and needs you. I promise. There is no fundamental disconnect.

Your posts are raising some red flags for pnd. Please try www.cry-sis.org.uk/ or pandas foundation and speak to your GP or HV as a priority.

Other people HAVE had babies like this. It DOES get better.

It does sound like there’s another issue whether silent reflux or maybe the formula brand isn’t agreeing with him, maybe CMPA, could be a variety of things but you are going to need to dig deep and ask your healthcare professionals for help working out what is wrong, and don’t accept being fobbed off.

For a few mins yes, especially if you are getting agitated, baby will pick up on it, put baby in Moses basket or safe place and take 2mins and then come back. It WILL get better.

Op - my youngest was a bit like this.

Every child I know who is inconsolable has had some kind of issue - not just ‘being a baby’ - sounds like reflux or colic. If you get some baby gaviscon sachets and put it in the formula see if that helps. It made a big difference to my son.

It’s fucking hideous.

Has been got a really high pitched scream rather than just a cry? If so it could be silent reflux.

Just seen your update, in regards to PND (which I also did develop), I wouldn’t have spoken to my HV about it wither, but my GP surgery we’re great. It took me a long time to make an appointment, so I know it’s daunting, but I wish I’d have gone sooner.

Could you arrange an appointment with them perhaps to discuss how you’re feeling? Maybe ask for a female doctor if you would prefer?

My ds2 was like this.

Screamed in the pram, screamed in his Moses basket and in his cot. Just hated being put down. The only time he wasn't screaming was when I was walking about with him or I was cuddling him.

No colic, no reflux. HV and GP just said some babies are like that.
Only thing that worked for me was carrying him about in a sling so I could still look after my 3 year old, do housework etc.
I feel for you It feels like forever but it won't be

I don’t think it’s reflux. I think in all honesty he’s beyond exhausted. The last proper sleep he had was around midnight, but he can’t seem to nod off.

I do hold him and try to comfort him but the state he was in earlier was awful to see. I felt like a child abuser, he was so woundup. But putting him down doesn’t help (I don’t mean that I don’t want to help him but I do wonder if sometimes he’s over stimulated.)

Then I don’t see how a healthy baby needs nearly 300 ml of milk in 3 hours but who knows.

As a mum of 3 I had dd1 (3) and newborn twins so they did have to cry while I sorted the other etc so leaving a crying baby for a few minutes won’t actually harm them. I still remember dd1 vomiting while dtds were screaming on the play mat. Obviously I had to sort dd1 out leaving dtds to cry. They’re note 12 and 9 and well rounded. They were also amazing at settling themselves where as dd1 was always in my arms and an absolute nightmare for sleeping. My advice would be to relax and not stress it.

You sound like you are in hell. Your baby needs medical attention. It’s nothing you are doing wrong, you sound utterly brilliant. Grab your husband now get him to call 111 and get the baby seen. Do not leave till they have helped.

4 weeks - definitely no. Sorry.

Yes, you can leave the baby - as long as they are somewhere safe.

If you've done all that you can, baby is safe in cot/mosses basket/ pram and you need a few minutes to get some air/ make a drink or go to the loo then yes, let them cry for a bit.

Does he bring up lots of milk?
How easy is he to burp? Does he burp quickly after a feed or does it take a while?
I’m also thinking reflux.

If he isn’t settling at all then it could be reflux, an allergy, an underlying condition / pain

When my baby was very young he had a viral infection, before this was confirmed he had days of just screaming any time I tried to move him, put him down or do anything but lay perfectly still with him on my chest - he ended up needing a hospital stay and really wasn’t well.

There could be something like dairy allergy or intolerance...silent reflux?

Reach out to your HV again and tell them you’re struggling and feel like something isn’t right. They need to assist you, that’s their job.

This isn’t a disconnect, it’s just really bloody hard when you have a child who hasn’t adapted in the 4th trimester very easily.

My first was very easy and happy going baby even as a newborn; my second was the opposite and it was a total shock and took me a while to get to grips with.

Speak to HV, GP if necessary

Also, has he pooed since he started crying this morning?

I don't know if anyone has suggested this, OP, as I've not read the full thread, but have you done the baby check to see if he needs medical attention?

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.lullabytrust.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/baby-check-2015.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj2xaOX4JHuAhUEgRoKHacwCAIQFjABegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw3LQz5OlnlPuHcHxjq_8kN_" rel="nofollow" target="blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.lullabytrust.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/baby-check-2015.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj2xaOX4JHuAhUEgRoKHacwCAIQFjABegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw3LQz5OlnlPuHcHxjq_8kN

If the link doesn't work, Google 'lullaby trust baby check'- there's a PDF and an app. It's a number of checks you can do at home. Sometimes inconsolable babies are ill babies.

Sorry just read full thread. Honestly I’d keep persevering with the doctor OP, good luck, sounds distressing for you all xx

Then I don’t see how a healthy baby needs nearly 300 ml of milk in 3 hours but who knows.

But that's the thing. You DON'T know. So I'd try it tbh. That's the difference with bf is you just plug them in and let them go. Because you can't see what they're having it kind of stops being an issue. With my first (who was like yours) I could express a full 9is bottle at a time from about 6 weeks so it's very possible he was taking as much as your little one seems to want.

Don't rule anything out. Growth spurts and cluster feeding around 4-5 weeks are very common - all 3 of mine went through it. Give it a go. If he doesn't want it he'll let you know

Put them in a sling and wear ear plugs - it takes the edge off the screaming and they still get cuddles.

This is where I feel despair as I’ve tried everything.

He’s seen a cranial osteopath. I have asked the GP for help but been fobbed off so many times now I’ve given up. HV laughed. He. Isn’t breastfed so he isn’t cluster feeding. 111 will just send him to a and e.

Sorry. Not trying to be negative but this is the reality.

when my DS screamed and screamed and screamed at 4 weeks it was silent reflux. Would never lie flat, needed to be held for hours. I had a fabulous GP who said it wasnt right (i knew that as he was my #4) I bought anti reflux wedges for the cot, pram and moses basket. We tried different medications and diets for me as i was breast feeding. Ranitidine was the miracle for me, so perhaps you need to change the formula too

It sounds like he is in pain. I would take him to the doctor. Just keep phoning them, they will see you eventually.

If you don't want to go tonight, call them in the morning. Until then, take shifts with your partner, whoever is not on shift can wear headphones and listen to some music or something?

It could be an allergy to his milk for example which is why he's crying after being fed, it will give him tummy ache.

The NHS website does say some babies can be born with teeth OP if he’s really distraught and you’ve ruled everything out could it be that? Have you had a feel?

Op. You sound strangely flat and very negative. I get that it's hard but we've been through it and come out the other side and so will you.

Not all HVs are great. Call cry-sis. Call 111 but repeatedly telling people nothing will help and no-one understands isn't going to make anything better.