To leave baby to cry?

[Hullllla]

When everything that you can do has been done, is this acceptable or just a big no no?

OP put baby down somewhere safe and just take 5 minutes to resettle yourself!

Work through in your head what you have done today with him, and see if anything pops into your head.

I had this qith my dd and i had to just hold her until she fell asleep cause she qas so tired. When it got past a certain point there was nothing i could do, i just had to wait for her to fall asleep.

If you think baby could be overtired, definitely try a walk with them.in sling or pushchair as motion may send them to sleep and they can't fight it.

What about a drive in the car?

I would do what others have suggested and pop him in the sling and go for a walk, sometimes just a change of scenery can help and it gives you a burst of energy to be able to deal with the next few hours. Are you happy that baby is not unwell in any way? Is he normally settled or has he been like this for a while? It’s so hard. I think 4 weeks is sometimes the hardest stage. They’ve woken up from the sleepy newborn stage and no longer sleep or settle for the long stages that most newborns do. Mine hated the pram at that stage too, he was much happier when we changed from the carrycot to the proper seat so he could be a bit more upright. Could he have silent reflux? If this is an ongoing issue it might be worth trying the hv but depending on your area and your team they will either be helpful or not. Could your partner have baby for an hour so you could go out for a walk on your own just to gather your thoughts? If baby isn’t settling for you anyway, he needs to do his bit to help out and give you a break. And if all else fails, then as long as he is warm, fed and dry, pop him in the Moses basket and see if he will settle. A few minutes here or there will not do him any harm.

I ebf so may be wrong but when DS was upset I always put him on the boob. If he seems hungry, feed him.

Have you got anything like this?
rockitrocker.com/
It Vibrates the pram or cot to imitate movement.

Is he always like this ? Or is this a new thing

4 weeks is a growth spurt, he could be hungry. Feed them till they don't want any more at that age

My HV advises you do this if you’re feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s to prevent people shaking and subsequently killing their babies. She says you should leave them in a ‘safe crying space’ and go have a cup of tea and talk to a friend or relative on the phone. I thought it was pretty crummy advice personally, there’s no way I could relax with a cup of tea while I knew my baby was crying alone in another room.

Babies don’t cry ‘for no reason’ or for attention. They cry because something is wrong and it can be a total minefield working out what the issue is but you have to persevere. If they’re inconsolable a lot it could be reflux or colic, my eldest had this so I understand how difficult and relentless it is but it always passes. All stages do, he’s almost 11 now and starting puberty which is fun .

I wouldn’t have survived the baby years without white noise so strongly recommend that to anyone with a baby. The baby sensory videos on YouTube are good if you’re desperate. Sometimes they just want to be cuddled and sang to, they tend to like their bottoms being patted and also try walking around the room with them talking to them. Bouncy chairs help a lot, try a bouncy chair with white noise on in the background.

Have you read about purple crying?

Baths would only settle my kids!

Hairdryer (obviously not at the baby) - this was my saving grace when dd got like this and there was nothing else I could perceivably do short of take her to A&E. drowns out the cries too. Vacuum would be a good one too.

It’s just the white noise but it worked better than any app or machine I found.

@Norwayreally The definition of colic is a baby crying for no obvious reason.

Handhold as I've just been through this.

My baby is 7 weeks now and from birth cried and cried. If she wasn't asleep she was crying. Often during witching hours, often at random times in the day. Nothing I did helped. Often I would put baby down and go have a breather, then come back.

What did help was accepting that nothing I did could change the situation, and that realisation has made things a bit easier.

I did realise that she was UNDER tired during the day. She wasn't having long enough awake times. I try to keep her awake for about an hour at a time now, and this has really helped.

Slowly over the last month I've started to notice small improvements. She now cries what I would consider a normal amount for a newborn. I think the fourth trimester is a thing and babies do grow out of it.

It's so bloody hard. But hang in there. It will get better. I promise. I'm only 3 weeks ahead of you. Take it one day at a time.

This article was helpful to read
www.babydoc.com.au/faq/colic-bore-your-baby-to-sleep/

My babies hated being swaddled too. I did try a dummy once and my boss was an Australian who had the expression about spitting the dummy and I saw it in action. I think the idea of having the baby on your chest to hear your heartbeat might be a new thing - seems deeply uncomfortable - and probably the reason why all those mothers claim to be trapped on sofa with the baby asleep on top of them. Believe me its not traditional to be pinned with a baby draped over you. If you have tried everything, and the baby is not unwell just put the baby in the cot and leave the room making sure that the room is warm enough and safe. Use a turned down baby monitor if necessary to listen at a more muted volume. Some children just cry more than others. If the baby won't settle and you've done everything there's no point in both of you being miserable. Make yourself a cup of tea or coffee and sit down for 10 minutes. Remember she will get older and the crying will reduce.

Try and get out and walk with him in the sling when you can even when you don’t feel like getting out it can help you from going stir crazy. Is there anyone less stressed that could come and step in for a bit? Do you have a support bubble. If you were my neighbour I’d happily step in for an hour or so in this scenario. Is this possible? It’s so hard especially with your first baby. It will change soon these seemingly endless days/nights shift to the next (differently challenging) stage soon.

With the sucking, my daughter constantly acted hungry but then the more she drank the worse the reflux got. The sucking was temporarily soothing the pain, so she wanted to suck, but the feed then caused more pain. So we were stuck in a circle.
Will he suck on a dummy? Or even your clean finger?
My dd improved alot when I switched to sma staydown formula for reflux. It's thicker and congeals in their stomach so doesn't travel back up the oesophagus

No I wouldn't . Brave question to ask on mn op,

I’m a bit further along than you @Hullllla my dd is 6mo but I’m currently laying on my bed trying to get her to go for a nap in her cot she’s still in our room. She’s always fought sleep ever since she was born and it’s always a fight. When my dd was like your baby in the summer she was also about a month old I made sure the room was warm enough and stripped her down to her nappy and lay next to her on her mat and it made a difference but she’s a screamer too. I had also been saying since the day she was born she had a CMA but kept getting dismissed by 6 different health professionals. Went private and low and behold...she does which has a lot to do with it. I know it’s hard but I just need to keep reminding myself she needs me but don’t get me wrong I’ve had to put her in her cot while I took a breather a good few times. It will get a bit easier. Your doing great and are a great mum this time will pass how’s things now any better?

I had a screamer-cow milk protein sensitivity and reflux-he screamed despite trying all the techniques in the book. He finally grew out of it at 8 months. Hang in there-those early days are rotten

Look up The Hold.

This worked every time when our little one lost it.

I also found sometimes a blanket helped or pop them in a wrap so at least you have hands free. It does get better. X

No advice OP but solidarity. My DD1 was the same and I didn't have any support. It was grim.

People being nippy and superior on this thread have no idea how awful it is.

If you need to put your baby down and walk away for a short while, do it. On one memorable occasion, I did that to DD1 because I knew I was about to hurt her. She went to sleep! It only happened once but it was a blessed relief.

Keep going. Keep trying all the different tricks because some might work some of the time. You're doing a really good job of caring for your baby in very difficult circumstances.

Thanks. I just feel awful he’s so miserable.

God I remember those days absolutely awful... I really feel for you
My son was awful at 3/4 weeks too, just cried and cried! You have my full sympathy....
he did start taking a dummy around that time
I used to tap it slightly and pull it slightly so he'd suck it
I took him to a cranial osteopath and she worked wonders turned out he had a blocked ear and the gunk that came out was 😱

I walked 15k steps with my first baby minimum with him in a sling every day. It was hell for 6 months. He had sever silent reflux and multiple allergies. No one believed me until I saw the health visitor at weigh in one day and he screamed the whole time and the senior health visitor asked how often he was like this I said 90% of the time, she sent me straight to the gp who finally believed me. I guess what I'm saying is trust your instinct if it doesn't feel right it isnt. Call gp. He's been crying for longer than 3 hours straight that's not normal. Reach out to health care team for help. Call health visitor etc etc

@hullla please dont feel awful, you're trying your best and you are being a great mum by trying to ask others for help. The newborn stage is so so tough, I remember many times when my DD would cry for hours at that age and I would cry too, and she was a relatively settled baby!! As others have said, take some time out (a few mins) if you need it and baby is safe. I know you've said baby doesn't like the sling sometimes but you could try going for a walk, my DD used to scream getting reasy for a walk and then fall asleep a few mins in from being so tired.

If baby is like this a lot it could be reflux and worth a visit to the GP? Also if baby has taken 2 big bottles in 2 hours, he might be a bit uncomfortable? Sometimes they feed for comfort but then get too full.

You are trying your best and you will get through this hard stage ❤️

A lot of the things you're saying screams reflux to me. The constant feeding and not feeling settled and the not liking to lie down. Insist on a GP appointment. Tell them you aren't coping.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with walking away for a few minutes. Ignore the absolute fools on here piously telling you not to. A well cared for child will not be damaged by being left to cry for a few minutes. They really won't........unlike the hundreds of babies who are damaged by shaken baby syndrome each year. Often by otherwise loving parents who have been pushed to the brink.

Have you tried infalcol or colief drops?