To leave baby to cry?

[Hullllla]

When everything that you can do has been done, is this acceptable or just a big no no?

Have you tried going for a walk with them in a pram/sling? Change of scenery might help you both and motion can help. Or just walking around the house holding them.

When are they crying? My firstborn used to scream solidly for about 3 hours every evening and I used to hand her to DH and leave the room.

Are you trying to put him/her down so that you can "get on"? If so, don't.

Some babies just want to be held.

This must be really hard. Do you have a partner who can have a turn trying to soothe them. Have you tried a dummy?

Those of you saying absolutely not, how do you manage two.

I just got in a state there. Baby sleeping, fed, clean, winded. I was changing toddler and getting her into sleep bag, baby in bouncer starts roaring. Toddler then starts, I finished toddler, got her down but newborn cried for four or five minutes, I was sweating and shaking.

I understand fourth trimester and not to leave for long periods but sometimes I find it unavoidable. Like others have said often by the time I get there baby has stopped anyway!!

Have you tried going for a walk? Do you have a sling or a pram? If sitting still with the baby on your chest means they’ve cried for several hours then try something else.

At 4 weeks they barely know they’ve been born. Leaving a baby that young to cry isn’t okay.

Also things change fast with babies so even if they hate the pram now, it might not be the case in a few weeks/months.

Do you have a sling? My daughter had terrible colic and the only way I could get stuff done was to wear her. She grew out of it at around 12 weeks and things calmed down.

She is fiercely independent now and I miss the cuddles sometimes, not always though 😂

I don’t know why he’s crying! I have no idea whatsoever, I really don’t have a clue. I know he’s properly distressed but I haven’t a clue what to do about it.

The walk outside might do you some good though - if they’re crying regardless they may as well get some fresh air while they’re at it! :)

Have you anyone around for support? Even a neighbour who could step in for ten mins? X

Depends on the age and the baby. Newborn they only cry when they need something.
But my DD for example is 7mo. If she gets too tired any cuddling, touching, kissing or rocking sends her beserk. She needs her cot and space to lie down with her teddy. She's not slept on me since about two weeks old! She also will sometimes cry for a few minutes while she settles down. If I go in she's immediately wide awake, ready to play, which only makes her more tired. If I pat her or shush her she just wants to get up.
So you need to judge it on the baby- once they're old enough that they do get stroppy.

Yes I’ve tried the sling, sometimes works but not right now

Absolutely not (unless to get a drink/loo/deep breath etc). I’d never leave a 4 week old regardless, they’d be held or in a sling pretty much all the time.

It's always better to put baby in a safe place and leave the room if you're feeling overwhelmed. If they're clean, fed and you have done all you can, it is important that you take some time to stay sane. There is a great charity with a help line for this.

Also, you probably know this but you are allowed a support bubble as you have a baby under one. I hope there is someone you can call on.

My baby was born before bubbles were allowed and we didn’t see anyone for the first two weeks, both my midwife and health visitor strongly advised me to allow family in to support us, which I did in the end.

@Hullllla

I don’t know why he’s crying! I have no idea whatsoever, I really don’t have a clue. I know he’s properly distressed but I haven’t a clue what to do about it.

Have you stripped him completely naked and checked for hairs wrapped round fingers/toes/genitals? Scratchy labels in clothes? Reflux?

If you can't get him to calm down, call your HV.

At 4 weeks then yes, I'm afraid you just have to hold them, they're too small to settle themselves. Obviously fine to leave them for a few minutes to go to the loo or do some deep breathing.

Have you tried "the hold"?

Cry-sis is the helpline I have used.

Check for

Reflux
Colic
A hair wrapped around a finger or toe.
Nappy rash
An inverted eye lash
Constipation

Have a bath. The heat and warmth once they are laid on your body should soothe them and you get to chill (just don't fall asleep!)

A big no unless you’re doing gentle controlled crying as part of sleep training (when older than six months). Even then you don’t just “leave them” you go back in every 2,3,4,5 mins etc until they fall asleep.

I’d never leave a baby crying. If they’re crying they are hungry, in pain, cold, thirsty, teething or otherwise uncomfortable eg tangled clothes around fingers/toes etc. Please keep checking until you find out which one it is.

Some babies just like to be held, and that’s fine.

This little one has only been in the world 4 weeks and has rather a lot to adapt to! And the two of you need time to get to know each other and get some routines going.

You will gradually get in synch with him and be able to work out what the crying is about. This is the most difficult bit for parents and it will take a bit of time to get it sorted. But it will not harm your baby to cry for a short period - you can walk away without guilt if you need to as long as you are sure he is safe.

08451 228 669 Is the helpline number, OP.

Fill a bath right up with warm water and get you both in there. This was the only thing that worked when dd was hysterical.

Agree with pp about checking everywhere for a hair

Obviously if you feel tired AT ALL get out immediately.

Chances are it's cyclical with your stress levels being picked up by the baby. Where is the father? Are you together and could he give you a break? Sometimes babies do just cry, for no real reason. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the baby.

Once you've caught your breath and had a cup of tea, there are a few good calming things that might be worth a try.

Bathing can sometimes do it - but it has to be a relaxed bath not an anxious scared to hold them bath. Even in a bath with you can be good for you both but easier to manage if someone can pass the baby to you.

Just sitting on a sofa, holding them cradled against your shoulder and singing gently or playing classical music (gentle Brahms rather than Wagner) can help. Darken the room, get comfortable, accept the first little while they may still cry, no jiggling or trying to stop them, just accept they do this. Relax yourself and hum or sing things like twinkle twinkle, Kumbya or other gentle songs. In a little while, you'll hopefully both relax and calm and get a lovely mother/baby moment. The key is in not trying to stop the crying but let if drift over you a bit.