To cancel our date because of his hair?

[Datedrama]

Please tell me if I'm an awful person, because I certainly feel like one tonight.

I have been talking to a man who I met on OLD around 3 weeks ago. He is lovely, kind, funny and a really interesting person to talk to and we get on very well. We text a bit during the day but always have a chat on the phone in the evening. I was instantly attracted to him after seeing his photos online, he told me they were recent ones.

Anyway, we got chatting tonight and he mentioned that his hair had grown a lot recently and he decided to send me a pic. I feel absolutely horrible for saying this, but it looks awful (to me) and I don't find him attractive one bit I don't like long hair on men anyway. I'm not sure whether I should cancel our date tomorrow or still go ahead with it and see how I feel afterwards? Or would it be better to let him down before we actually meet?

I know I sound extremely shallow, but in my defence he did tell me that his pics (with short hair) were recent ones! It's a shame because I think he has a fab personality but surely attraction is important to?

Thoughts?

He also said that he really likes his "new look" so no chance of him cutting it anytime soon, not that I would expect him to do that anyway!

Attraction is very important, I agree. Has his hair only grown because of lockdown or is he planning on keeping the style? I think this matters.

If you're not attracted to him, don't go, but if you know he's more attractive with short hair - and he will at some point be cutting it - it seems silly to waste an opportunity with someone you may well get on with.

Let’s hope he finds everything about you physically perfect OP, and doesn’t think your toys are saggy or your ankles are too chunky.

I know I sound extremely shallow, but in my defence he did tell me that his pics (with short hair) were recent ones!

I wouldn’t have taken ‘recent’ so literally that I’d feel misled once I saw longer hair. To me, six months - a year ago is recent when it comes to online dating pics; it’s not like it was from 2008 and he’s lied about his age.

If you were ambivalent about him personally and now didn’t fancy him on top of that, I’d say don’t bother. But you seem to like everything else about him a lot.

Toys = tits
(For the purpose of this thread )

Well...he’s also entitled to not want to date her on the basis of a physical feature. That’s fine!

Ooh I like long hair on men. You have nothing to lose by meeting him, surely?

I hate shaved heads. Massive turn off. Same as shaved or no hairy chest.
I'd not go and stop all contact. Let him find someone who likes him long hair and all

I recently declined a second date because the guy has long hair that is receeding. It really turned me off.

@BunnyMacDougal no where near perfect. I have my flaws just like everyone else, but to be fair all of my pictures do look exactly like me!

@StillCoughingandLaughing yes good point. I class recent as in the last month or so normally!

DP has long hair. He’s gorgeous to me. But it’s fine if this guys long hair doesn’t do it for you. There needs to be an element of physical attraction at the start of the relationship and it would be perfectly acceptable if he turned you down on based on a physical appearance too. We don’t all have to find everyone attractive. If you think he might be perfect for you, maybe see how the spark is on the first date, no harm in trying but if you really don’t want to there’s nowt wrong with that too!

I’d go on the date and see how you feel after meeting him in person. He could be absolutely perfect for you and the hair mightn’t seem so important after all.

Why not go and see? If you like him then the attraction might be there when you meet in person? If not, nothing lost.

@BunnyMacDougal so does this mean that if op isn't a supermodel herself (and possibly even has chunky ankles) she has to settle for someone she isn't attracted to?
If you don't fancy him based on recent photos then you are entitled not to go. If you got on well online you might enjoy the date in a more platonic friendship way? (Obviously make sure you meet in a safe place and tell a friend where you are going, etc, etc.)

Where are you that you can go on a date?

Yes it does sound pretty shallow. I’m sure there are other women out there who would appreciate him.

I would go. I also am not attracted to long hair on men as a rule, but when you meet the person in reality you see the whole package and you might find that other attractive aspects of him make the hair thing a non-issue for you. Or not. But if you don´t meet him then you will never know.

[quote Alexandernevermind]@BunnyMacDougal so does this mean that if op isn't a supermodel herself (and possibly even has chunky ankles) she has to settle for someone she isn't attracted to?
If you don't fancy him based on recent photos then you are entitled not to go. If you got on well online you might enjoy the date in a more platonic friendship way? (Obviously make sure you meet in a safe place and tell a friend where you are going, etc, etc.)[/quote]
Nope.

She can decline to date whomever she wants based on whatever reason she wants.

But she’s shallow. And shallow people often attract shallow people, so she may need to brace herself.

Nope I’d definitely cancel.

You need to be attracted to him else you’re just wasting your time.

For what it’s worth, I met someone who seemed near perfect a few years back. I never saw him again because I didn’t like his shoes

Go on the date and have some fun.

I would go as you seemed to like his personality and, if you still like him on the date, just comment that from the photos you preferred the short haired look. Then he can decide himself what to do and so can you. Why is it all such a drama!

Go ! We need to hear all about it !

Seems daft - he might cut it in a few weeks time. Sounds like a COVID look that he'll lose once he's back in the office.

Go on the date and casually mention you found his shorter hair sexier

I don't think she's shallow @BunnyMacDougal. She is either attracted to him or she isn't.