To cancel our date because of his hair?

[Datedrama]

Please tell me if I'm an awful person, because I certainly feel like one tonight.

I have been talking to a man who I met on OLD around 3 weeks ago. He is lovely, kind, funny and a really interesting person to talk to and we get on very well. We text a bit during the day but always have a chat on the phone in the evening. I was instantly attracted to him after seeing his photos online, he told me they were recent ones.

Anyway, we got chatting tonight and he mentioned that his hair had grown a lot recently and he decided to send me a pic. I feel absolutely horrible for saying this, but it looks awful (to me) and I don't find him attractive one bit I don't like long hair on men anyway. I'm not sure whether I should cancel our date tomorrow or still go ahead with it and see how I feel afterwards? Or would it be better to let him down before we actually meet?

I know I sound extremely shallow, but in my defence he did tell me that his pics (with short hair) were recent ones! It's a shame because I think he has a fab personality but surely attraction is important to?

Thoughts?

He likes his hair and you don’t, no need to push yourself to be attracted to anyone, if the attention is gone, well is gone, end of.

Don’t guilt yourself to go out with someone you would prefer not to.

Remember, you don’t owe him anything, is not as if your husband of 30 years has gone bald.

This is just one of many people in OLD who do not look like in their photos. You simply had the bad surprise before the first date.

I almost did exactly what you’re about to do; got on really well with someone from OLD but almost didn’t go on the date because I wasn’t attracted to one easily changeable feature. We’ve now been married well over a decade. Men you get along really well with are rare. Shitty blokes with perfect hair are a pound for a dozen.

I think you need to stop chatting and just meet up.
If the long hair is a dealbreaker, mention it in time. What have you got to lose?
But if you like him and fancy him - other than the hair - then I wouldn't bin him off yet. Good men aren't as plentiful as you'd think!

It's hair! It's not something unchangeable or essential. It's a dumb haircut in the midst of pandemic. You're welcome not to date anyone for whatever reason. However, if something not only superficial but utterly temporary and insignificant is enough to put you off from dating someone you really like and who is lovely, kind, and usually attractive, then I'd say that you have a long road ahead of you.

@BunnyMacDougal

Let’s hope he finds everything about you physically perfect OP, and doesn’t think your toys are saggy or your ankles are too chunky.

Wtf? You're totally missing the point.

Don't go to the date. Women are alwats encouraged to compromise, not be so shallow, bend and throw out your standards and wish lists and generally guilted for having likes and dislikes. Fuck that. Men have no issues with ditching women who don't meet their criteria, so why couldn't you?!

I'd just go on the date if it was someone I'd been getting on well with.

Pictures can be so misleading. I would want to see him in person before deciding whether or not I fancy him.

But she’s shallow. And shallow people often attract shallow people, so she may need to brace herself

Wow. She’s not shallow. What a weird attitude. Men aren’t entitled to her. She doesn’t need to date blokes who she doesn’t find their physical appearance attractive,

If anything’s shallow it’s the expectation that irrelevant of appearance she should go with any bloke.

I went on a date once with someone who I thought was ‘ok’ looking in their pictures, wasn’t overly attracted to them, but they seemed nice.
He was so much better looking in person, we had a strong connection and for the first time immediately after the date, I knew I wanted to see him again!
Nearly 7 years later, we are married and 8months pregnant 🥰.

My motto to my friends who are OLD is you have nothing to lose!

You're free to back out for any reason, but I agree with your own assessment that you are shallow for putting hair above personality!

If you really liked him I think it's a shame to rule someone out for something like that. If you were married to the love of your life, and they grew their hair, would you divorce them?

Maybe this is a good chance to try something new. Good people are worth their weight in gold.

Seems like a really weird thing to put you off. Hair can be cut. Does your hair always look exactly the same? He's still the same person! And if it is a good shag you're after then when that happens you're not going to be focusing on the top of his head are you??!! I totally get you need to feel attraction to date someone, I just think it's a really odd thing to have made you go from liking him to not! Unless there are other issues and this is the final straw, in which case fair enough.

As you get on well, I think he deserves a chance.

I once met up with a former boyfriend after a gap of a few years. My first thought was, "Ooh, he's gone off!" ☹️. His hair was a different style and bleached by the sun.

We've been extremely happily married for 30 years. He's simply the best human being I've ever known.

What’s your hair like?

Either go and give it a chance or don't, either is fine and it's okay not to fancy someone.

Don't go and try to get him to change his hair - that's a terrible thing to do on the first date and not fair.

As an aside, unless you're Bon Jovi, longer hair on an older man isn't my thing either! Short and neat for me, but lockdown haircuts aren't all they could be...

@pictish

What’s your hair like?

What's that got to do with anything?

FWIW there are men who only prefer blondes or redheads or long hair.

OP can express a preference and not be shamed or have insinuations that she is unattractive or havd imperfections. Nobody is perfect, and nobody is everybody's type. It's not about her being so perfect, it's about finding who you are dating perfect for you. Surely that's not too much to ask?!

All these digs 'well what do YOU look like scream of defensive insecurity.

It doesn't matter what her hair is like.

I know I wouldn't want to go on a date with someone who finds something about me a turn off but was guilted inyo or persuaded to kindly give me a chancd at the chance that my personality might win them over. I mean, how patronising!

Nobody wants to feel like they are a compromise or second best.

Op ignore the digs, you really don't have to meet him.

I would go. It's hair which can change and be any style. What's important is what he is like as a person. That can't change.

I would meet him for a date and see how you feel after, you don’t have to go on a second one. It would be a shame to pass this up without meeting. My husband wasn’t my traditional type when we first started chatting - I was into pretty boys whereas he has a beard and was more manly looking. We clicked immediately and now, to me, he’s the most gorgeous man alive.

Hair is also not something they can’t be changed, like height.

You could always carry a small pair of scissors in your purse...

If you’ve been getting on we’ll go for the date! It’s only hair. It might look nicer in real life? Finding a nice guy is a lot harder than finding a good looking one.

I think you should go on the date. Even if he still had short hair, you might meet up and not fancy him physically/be the person you had constructed in your mind. I just think you should meet and then decide. Attraction is a funny thing which incorporates so many elements; not just physical but you have to meet up to see.

Worst case scenario is that it goes no further than date 1. Best case scenario far outweighs it.

It’s hair, it can be transformed in 10 mins with a pair of scissors, faster with a trimmer. It’s not like you’ve found out he’s a foot shorter than you thought.

@Datedrama phew... It just be a common thing then 😅
I'm going to meet when it's possible as I think meeting in real life is different to video calls.... Sometimes it changes when you see them properly!
But if I don't fancy him when we meet, then I don't fancy him and that will have to be it 🤷‍♀️
He will have to deal with my eyebrows 🐛🐛