To cancel our date because of his hair?

[Datedrama]

Please tell me if I'm an awful person, because I certainly feel like one tonight.

I have been talking to a man who I met on OLD around 3 weeks ago. He is lovely, kind, funny and a really interesting person to talk to and we get on very well. We text a bit during the day but always have a chat on the phone in the evening. I was instantly attracted to him after seeing his photos online, he told me they were recent ones.

Anyway, we got chatting tonight and he mentioned that his hair had grown a lot recently and he decided to send me a pic. I feel absolutely horrible for saying this, but it looks awful (to me) and I don't find him attractive one bit I don't like long hair on men anyway. I'm not sure whether I should cancel our date tomorrow or still go ahead with it and see how I feel afterwards? Or would it be better to let him down before we actually meet?

I know I sound extremely shallow, but in my defence he did tell me that his pics (with short hair) were recent ones! It's a shame because I think he has a fab personality but surely attraction is important to?

Thoughts?

I love long hair on blokes but DH is completely bald (not many long haired men left by the middle aged years).

I didn’t fancy my DH AT ALL through photos (we made initial via Instagram) but I happened to be at the same gig and he stopped me to say hello and I completely changed my mind. Dunno if it was mammalian smell or what? We were both on dates with other people and it was nearly 2 years before we were single at the same time. Got married ten months after our first date at the ages of 40 and 48.

4 years on and he is still the hottest and funniest and all around best man ever,

So I would say, meet him and find out if you fancy him because it’s not possible to tell through photos alone, and if in real life you feel the same, and least you’ll know and won’t be left wondering.

@sonjadog

We are not living in the time of good hair. If someone´s hair is a bit odd looking at the moment, I would give it the benefit of the doubt.

Nicely worded. He’ll get it cut one day. I’d go on the date anyway.

Thank you all for your messages, I have been reading them!

He's cancelled today unfortunately as he was asked to look after his niece at short notice but has asked if we can reschedule for tomorrow which I said was fine. He's sent me a lovely message saying how he can't wait to meet me and he thinks I'm so lovely, bless him.

I'm more gutted I didn't get to have a lie in this morning 😂 never mind!

I'll update tomorrow, thanks everyone x

@feelingveryvenemousandangry

MN and the double standards astound me at times Women are constantly allowed to dismiss men on the basis of their looks however if a woman posted on here 'been online dating and met this nice guy. He says he doesn't want to see me anymore as I've had my hair cut and he's not attracted to me' everyone would reply 'well what a shallow arsehole good riddance '

Are we reading the same thread here?

Glad you're going to give him a shot OP.

I think it's common for people to experiment with their looks now and again and he might not be that keen on it once the novelty wears off.

I also don't think it's bad to express an opinion about something like that that can be changed once you've got to know them, even thought the decision is ultimately their's. I'd quite like to know if my husband preferred a certain hairstyle or outfit I wore as long as I liked it too.

I would go on the date. You may find he has something in the flesh which the camera didn't capture, and the hair no longer matters!

I'm pleased you're going to give him a chance. I had an idea of what I did and didn't like in a man. I wanted tall, dark and clean shaven but I decided to go for at least one date with any man who seemed nice, whether they were my 'type' or not. In April next year I marry my short, blonde, bearded man.

I look forward to your update. I hope it goes well.

If I were you I would go.
Hope you have a nice time! Much easier to find out if you have chemistry if you actually meet.

I don't date bald men or men with grey hair (makes them look about ten years older than they are) if that makes me shallow then so be it.

Just go. Give the guy a break. His hair might fall out and he be bald in time. Then what you gonna do if you head over your heels in lurve with him?? Stop overthinking it,

Photos don't always reflect the way the person looks like in real life. When you see him, you could say that you prefer his previous haircut if he asks.

@Ilovegreentomatoes

I don't date bald men or men with grey hair (makes them look about ten years older than they are) if that makes me shallow then so be it.

So what happens later in life when you're with someone who goes grey or loses their hair?

FWIW I'd still go to see how I felt.
I might even consider dropping in ''You look so different with longer hair''
He might ask which you prefer, maybe.

I met a chap who I didn't fancy and friend-zoned him immediately, but as I got to know him I became more attracted to him, 19 years later we are still happily married!

Friend zoning is a good idea, that way you don’t feel under pressure to like him but something good can come out of it.

Also, do not get worked up about being shallow or not, as he may feel equally shallow when he meets you. At the end of the day, the likelihood that you both will like each other on meeting is only 25%(it does happen so don’t get too involved before meeting)

I once used the niece excuse to get out of a date and went to the pub with my friend instead.

He was at the same pub.

That was fun.

Barbers are shut, what do you expect him to do? Tell his hair to stop growing?

The OP said she was" instantly attracted to him after seeing his photos online." His hair is longer than in the photos and she is no longer attracted? That is shallow.

Then fine, it’s shallow. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is bothering you a lot more than the people you’re accusing of being shallow.

I'm glad your going tomorrow, looking forward to the update.

How are you managing to go on a date during lockdown. Is this just going to be a socially distanced walk, or are you in Wales?

Bait and switch?

Wtf?

He’s a bloke. He has hair. We’re in lockdown (assuming OP and the fella aren’t in Wales or overseas) and barbers are closed. His hair has grown since he put his profile pics up.

I’m all for being on the lookout for red flags, and my bullshitometer is set to sensitive, but I can’t ascribe any sinister intentions to this guy.

If you don't like long hair, but you go on a date with a man with long hair, if you get on, then he can always cut it. Equally , if you meet up with a man with a close-shaved head and no personality, would that be a better match? if hair is a deal-breaker, (and sometimes it totally is), tell him, and see what he says.

💐enjoy

I am not judging, but how does dating in person work during lockdown?

Mumsnet is used by people outside the UK.

Life is completely normal (except for closed borders) where I am.