To cancel our date because of his hair?

[Datedrama]

Please tell me if I'm an awful person, because I certainly feel like one tonight.

I have been talking to a man who I met on OLD around 3 weeks ago. He is lovely, kind, funny and a really interesting person to talk to and we get on very well. We text a bit during the day but always have a chat on the phone in the evening. I was instantly attracted to him after seeing his photos online, he told me they were recent ones.

Anyway, we got chatting tonight and he mentioned that his hair had grown a lot recently and he decided to send me a pic. I feel absolutely horrible for saying this, but it looks awful (to me) and I don't find him attractive one bit I don't like long hair on men anyway. I'm not sure whether I should cancel our date tomorrow or still go ahead with it and see how I feel afterwards? Or would it be better to let him down before we actually meet?

I know I sound extremely shallow, but in my defence he did tell me that his pics (with short hair) were recent ones! It's a shame because I think he has a fab personality but surely attraction is important to?

Thoughts?

@RayOfSunshine2013 what sort of shoes were they? 

Good point @quizqueen, I really like his personality so it does seem a shame to not even try.

It isn't shallow! For goodness sake the OP shouldn't have to compromise on what she finds attractive.
Just another way of beating down women that they should take what they can get.
Go and see if you want or bin him off. Both fine!

It’s not shallow at all Bunny it’s what attraction has been based on since the start of mankind.

Even Jeremy paxman has lock down hair.

I think it's worth meeting him.

1. A hairstyle is not necessarily a permanent feature,

and 2. you may find him attractive in person despite the hair.

I've fancied people who don't fit my perfect template, so I think it's a bit daft not to even meet him.

It could very well be a lockdown style but he did say he liked it....

Tell him you found him much more attractive with short hair. 99.9% sure he'll cut it.

Are we talking to the same guy - I'm having exactly the same dilemma 😅😅
I reckon quite a few guys will be looking a bit more unkempt or grown out than their photos. My eyebrows are definitely bigger than in my pictures 🙈
Just in case... Does his name begin with a B by any chance? 🤷‍♀️

Meet him ffs!

Hair can be changed

Personality, less so

Oh no @Apple31419 🤦‍♀️ have you decided what you are going to do?

Not a B, an A

@RayOfSunshine2013

Nope I’d definitely cancel.

You need to be attracted to him else you’re just wasting your time.

For what it’s worth, I met someone who seemed near perfect a few years back. I never saw him again because I didn’t like his shoes

Sounds like he had a lucky escape.

@Datedrama

They were kind of like timberland boots but in a bright orange and more like a cross with a trainer? Possibly the most bizzare thing I’ve ever seen but I just made some ridiculous work related excuse and that was the end. I’m sure he’s over it now

But she’s shallow. And shallow people often attract shallow people, so she may need to brace herself.

Stop with your nonsense! She’s ‘shallow’ because she’s not physically attracted to him?

Are you physically attracted to every man you encounter?!

Life must be very full on for you, if so!

I don't think she's shallow @BunnyMacDougal. She is either attracted to him or she isn't

But does a difference in hairstyle change how attractive someone is?

What if I put my hair up in a ponytail, or cut it short, and Dh then finds me unattractive? Or I wear a certain pair of shoes?

I don’t think shoes, hair, etc makes much of a difference to how attractive someone is or isn’t. It’s a bit odd to me that I could fancy someone rotten on a first date, then they turn up for the second in a certain pair of shoes and suddenly I don’t find them attractive any more.. or somone might dump me on the third date because I change my hair...

I'd meet him. In real life you might still find him attractive. I almost didn't go out with someone cos I wasn't sure of the shape of his facial hair..... so glad I did. We dated a while and he was the best shags I've ever had lol.

@RayOfSunshine2013 oh they do sound a bit bizarre to be fair, can't really blame you! Bright orange as well 🙈

Definitely go on the date

If you like him you can casually mention its better short?

It doesn’t compare @bluebluezoo.

Presumably you and your DH were/are attracted to each other, and that didn’t change as you got to know each other.

Therefore, a relatively minor appearance change isn’t going to make any difference.

The OP hasn’t even been on a date with this guy!

She is under absolutely zero obligation to take things further. Those suggesting she is shallow clearly have no standards for themselves.

@debbie88 I like that story! Could definitely do with a good shag

I would probably meet him and give the situation a chance.

But - you’re under no obligation whatsoever if the spark just isn’t there.

Suggesting otherwise is insanity.

@OutingMyself

I recently declined a second date because the guy has long hair that is receeding. It really turned me off.

Now that is a bad look

@Alexandernevermind

I don't think she's shallow *@BunnyMacDougal*. She is either attracted to him or she isn't.

Exactly You're not shallow just because you don't find someone physically attractive. I mean, God forbid, you might have to have sex with them in date 3 ! ( or date 2, if you're lucky )

If a girl I really liked and fancied said she preferred me with short hair, I'd get it cut the next day....it's only hair.

Or would that make me look desperate? 🤔

Meh. Just go. Life's boring right now, what else are you gunna be up to.

Also how long are we talking. If it's a ponytail situation then YANBU to cancel.

I used to think long hair was gross until one night I clocked eyes on someone, was curly and shoulder length, gorgeous! Give him one date?