To cancel our date because of his hair?

[Datedrama]

Please tell me if I'm an awful person, because I certainly feel like one tonight.

I have been talking to a man who I met on OLD around 3 weeks ago. He is lovely, kind, funny and a really interesting person to talk to and we get on very well. We text a bit during the day but always have a chat on the phone in the evening. I was instantly attracted to him after seeing his photos online, he told me they were recent ones.

Anyway, we got chatting tonight and he mentioned that his hair had grown a lot recently and he decided to send me a pic. I feel absolutely horrible for saying this, but it looks awful (to me) and I don't find him attractive one bit I don't like long hair on men anyway. I'm not sure whether I should cancel our date tomorrow or still go ahead with it and see how I feel afterwards? Or would it be better to let him down before we actually meet?

I know I sound extremely shallow, but in my defence he did tell me that his pics (with short hair) were recent ones! It's a shame because I think he has a fab personality but surely attraction is important to?

Thoughts?

I can honestly relate to this post though. My now absolutely lovely dp told me his hair had grown and I very much liked the look of his hair and overall look in his pics. He sounded lovely and we got on well on chat etc. Then he said his hair was a bit outgrown and unruly and it made me feel a bit odd for a short while. I felt exactly the same as the op. I can't explain why but I was basically worried about getting the ick.

As it happens, I gave my head a bit of a wobble, we met, got on brilliantly and are still together neatly 3 years on.

Chemistry is a fragile tenuous thing.

Hopefully the op will have the same success I did.

I like men with a pulse

Go and see how you feel after meeting him. You might be able to persuade him to get his hair cut a bit later on if that is really important to you. You might be missing out on a good relationship!

How did it go @Datedrama?

YANBU! Long hair on men is the biggest turn off for me

You are entitled to think whatever you want. If you don't like long hair on a man then that's fine. Similarly if he doesn't like make-up on a woman that that's fine too.
Go with your your instinct.

Define long hair?
1-Do you mean like jaw length?
2-Pulled back into a ponytail with a tonne of hair gel?
3-full length flowery hair?

Option 2 would make me run a mile 🤢

I would consider option 1 and 3.....but only if it's curly ☺️

So I guess that makes me shallow....but, hey, I like what I like.

I would still go on the date, even if it's just for a change of scenery and a bit of adult interaction (no, not that kind 😃)

I've been OLDing recently. I've met up with two guys. Both times before I'd met them I daydreamed about there being some kind of spark.. and both times I met them and thought 'nah' after about ten minutes. Its not possible to have any kind of real connection with someone you have never met! You don't know them at all.

And lets be honest - no one looks at a guys pictures on OLD and then meets them and they're better looking than their pictures!

Would love an update😆

@babymum786 I know, I'm insanely curious

I have OLD'd on paid sites since my divorce. Some good, some 😱🤭 (sites not guys) but I have always checked out their jobs and where they say they live (via electoral register) before meeting. All the ones I met were decent men who lived up to their photos as I asked them to take one with that days newspaper date showing before I would meet.
I've been with my OH for 8 years. Met on Match and he's 24 years younger, divorced with 2 young teens.
Looked a bit of a party person in online profile so I ignored his messages. He put a home photo online later and he looked more like a stayer. Did all the checks ok and one early evening he just happened to be on the same train from London and came looking for me (he was in first class)
It was very emotional as we really connected and both felt as if we'd known each other forever.
He was very keen to show he wasn't a party person and I eventually met his ex and children. He likes the fact that I have lots to talk about but can have serious discussions, I'm confident and not after his money.
He did shave his head once on holiday and I was shocked but it grew back pretty quickly and he fitted all the criteria I was hoping for.
No-one can say for sure what will attract them to a partner. I simply felt totally comfortable with my OH from day 1, although I made it clear that I was not looking for a short term dalliance.
8 joyous years has confirmed that we were right for each other.
I hope that each of you singletons find your 'forever after' with someone special 😍💕
It's so nice to come home to someone and share your day, talk nonsense, be comfortable with each other.

@GabsAlot
Mine does. It wouldn't do if we all liked the same type. Lots of women like bearded men or tatts and that's good.
Coffee or tea, it's a matter of taste. 😀

It doesn't sound shallow at all. It's all about chemistry at the end of the day. I would however still meet him. There is obviously something you like about him. Go and see him and you can be blunt and tell him that you find him much much sexier with short hair, and see if he takes the hint!

Placemarking for an update. Perhaps the date went so well you are shagging right now and no time for an update 🤣

I'd go anyway. Look, a first date is not a commitment. It is a "let's see if we get along." Same with the second and third, actually. When I dated, I was always willing to commit to three dates...unless the first raised some MASSIVE red flags, and physical appearance (other than dirty, etc) was not even on the menu. Three because the first date is almost always somewhat awkward. You actually get to know someone by the third date, or at least have a good sense of who they are. The Great Love of my Life wasn't a man I would ordinarily have found attractive. But by the third date I liked him a LOT, and by the end of three months, I thought him handsome from the inside out. He was killed not long after he proposed, but that has nothing to do with this. IF I had refused the first date, I'd never have known just what a beautiful man he was.

let your hair down and go!
I like men with long hair so pass him on afterwards

Definitely go on the date...
I didn’t like the look of my OH when we met...this is very era revealing, but I thought he was trying to be like Don Johnson in Miami Vice....which I hated!! I desperately arranged to work opposite shifts with a colleague so I wouldn’t have to work with him. Colleague left after only one week...shifts had to be changed and I was put with him. Turned out when we first met, he had stubble because he’d just got up, was sockless because he’d just got up, and he turned out to be as far from a poseur as you could get...completely comfortable within his own skin regardless of his external “look”. We ended up having such a laugh on that job and have now been together 31 years, married for the last 11. Looks don’t always signify whether you’ll get on. Personality should be the decider.
Hope the date goes well 🤞🤗

Dd’s current boyfriend has long hair. She doesn’t like long hair but it’s ‘grown on her’ as she likes him so much.

YANBU, you shouldn’t feel obliged to go anywhere with him, you’re known him for barely any time.

I would sound him out about the hair, don’t make him think you like it when you don’t.

and miss the opportunity to meet a fabulous person- how silly. What if all his hair fell out, what would you do then?

I'm not generally a fan of men with long hair either. I'd known my partner for years before we got together and whilst I didn't think he was ugly, I wasn't particularly attracted to him either. He'd always had long hair and one day he cut it and I instantly fancied him. Sometimes he goes a while in between hair cuts and I have to nag him. I don't find him unattractive at these times though because it's about so much more at this point.
I think you should go on the date - there still might be a spark plus if you casually mention you liked his hair short he might cut it, Worst thing that can happen is you don't fancy him and it goes nowhere. Go and tell us how it goes!!

I would go on the date and then, see how it goes.

It might not be so bad in reality
Hope you meet him soon

You've got to be attracted to someone, but if you choose to start a relationship with someone it can't come with conditions (eg you had short hair when we started dating so you should keep it short forever because I don't like long hair / a man shouldn't go in with the view that the woman he is dating will always keep blonde hair and a spray tan because he doesn't find brown hair attractive).

If you like him then there's nothing lost by going on a date.

I met a guy last year, absolutely gorgeous, instant attraction. I made a random off the cuff comment about my hatred of man buns. He commented that until recently he had one.

I’m still in contact with him. During lockdown, the man bun is back. Oh god it’s horrendous. He’s a lovely lovely guy, really great personality, (great shag too), but oh god the man bun... just no. Even if I was in desperate need of a good shag, I couldn’t do it now. Even now any pictures online that he posts are with normal hair. But just absolutely no.

Funnily enough, when it’s not tied back and all bouncy, it looks great. But Alice bands and man buns...