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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about inheritance U turn

323 replies

TeaAndBrie · 22/11/2020 13:56

My sister had always seen by great uncle. She used to go for lunch with him and my grandad. Even as a child I never received a birthday card or anything from great uncle. No idea why.
For years my sister had said that she was in the will and that as she knew we would not inherit anything from my parents that she would give me 50% of what she received. A few years ago she had said she spoke with her husband about it and that she would give me 20% instead because they have 3 children now. Fair enough.
Great uncle died a month ago and the will has just be read.
She’s now said that she was never serious about giving me any money and that she will ‘treat me’ to a meal out.
I’ve told her I’m not interested and really upset that she lied to me for all those years.
She said she will treat my twin boys as well.
I’ve told her to keep her money. Apparently I’m being dramatic. Aibu to be genuinely hurt that she lied for so long?

OP posts:
oopsiedaisy2 · 22/11/2020 14:02

Hmm money is the root of all evil. Depends how much she had I guess and how much she needs to make sure her own family are ok. I think he left it to her and it would be kind of her to make sure her siblings were ok but at the same time she has to make sure her own children will be ok too. I mean there is a difference in being left 20k and 200k so again it's hard to decide and I think you can be upset , it probably feels mean overall it's her decision.

Dyrne · 22/11/2020 14:09

The thing is, you have no rights to that money. For whatever reason, your sister was chosen to be some sort of surrogate grand-child to your great uncle and so he chose to give an inheritance to her.

However, It was ridiculous of your sister to promise anything to you - I’m sure it was a nice thing to offer when you were younger but now she’s grown up with a family of her own I’m sure she’s looking at it again with the thought of “I am depriving my own children of £X if I gift it away”.

Having said that, if it were £££ It’s a massive kick in the teeth to offer to “treat you to a meal” and I don’t blame you for being miffed.

PullTheBricksDown · 22/11/2020 14:10

Nothing you can do but I see why it feels like a slap in the face. Are your parents still around? What's your relationship with your sister been like before this?

Joswis · 22/11/2020 14:12

Tell her to shove it up her a**e.

An uncle and aunt of mine maneuvered themselves into position to inherit all of my grandparents money. It was never the grandparents intention, but uncle and aunt were successful.

It split the family. No one on my dad's side had anything to do with them again.

It's as if people can't help themselves when money comes into it.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/11/2020 14:13

I think it's terrible he didn't treat you the same in life as he did her, awful to do that to a child - should have never been allowed by all the adults

In death she should have made up for him and recognised the inequality

Thanks
BobbingPuffins · 22/11/2020 14:13

Send her a DVD of Sense & Sensibility for Christmas.

Sparklyring · 22/11/2020 14:14

Your uncle chose to leave the money to your sister so that's where it should go imo. If he had wanted you to have some he would have included you.

Ponoka7 · 22/11/2020 14:15

It doesn't matter what anyone here thinks. All that matters is if you still want a relationship with her, because this will cause a rift that you won't get over.

As said the amounts make a difference.

LouiseTrees · 22/11/2020 14:16

I reckon great uncle was actually her dad. She found out in the will reading and decided not to give you any because of this new revelation. I do think it’s awful or her though. But I wouldn’t want to damage the relationship between the cousins. I’d pretty much not bother speaking to her about anything other than her kids from here on in.

oopsiedaisy2 · 22/11/2020 14:17

I feel like inheritance talk is always really emotive . I had a suprise inheritance. Didn't at all expect it from an aunt I was very close to. My siblings weren't at all close. I spent a lot of time in her last 10 years with her , helping with various things and I had no idea she had any money. When I was told I was left some I instantly felt elated and guilty. The money was life changing and it meant we could finally get on the property ladder. I gave both my brother and sister a % each which was enough for a house deposit but my brother was fuming, felt he deserved 1/3. It changed our whole relationship and actually, I didn't have to give anyone anything (though I appreciate that sounds selfish) damned whatever you do to be honest when it comes to money.

mysteryfairy · 22/11/2020 14:17

I think you’re mistaken to characterise it as she lied to you for so long. She almost certainly did intend to share the money years ago when it all seemed theoretical but in the meantime the reality of life has got in the way.

dontdisturbmenow · 22/11/2020 14:20

Why do people assume that once the person is dead, their money can be grabbed with no respect for the fact it was THEIR money to dispose as they wished.

For whatever reason, this man wanted his money to go to your sister and that should be respected.

Talking about how that money would be divided before he was even dead years before was the unsavoury thing to do.

Maybe she realised this and the reason why she doesn't want to share any of it with you any longer.

That money was never yours to be and you should never have assumed it would be.

ohbabyxox · 22/11/2020 14:23

She probably said it not actually thinking properly and then when the time come to her really thinking about it she realised it would be stupid to give away money that has been given to her. By the sounds of it she made an effort with him for years hence him leaving money to her and not you. When did you last see him? Was you close with him as well? Also is the amount of money much? If it's not much then I can see why she didn't leave any but if it's a lot of money then I would understand why you would be annoyed after she promised.

JillofTrades · 22/11/2020 14:28

Yabvu and extremely greedy. It was never intended for you in the very first place so how do you feel about accepting money that was not meant for you. Your sister had 3 children and her family is her priority so she has every right to change her mind.
Besides, what were you expecting to receive unless you knew the exact amount stated in the will?
I think its really odd you feel so entitled to something that wasn't meant for you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/11/2020 14:31

Hmm money is the root of all evil.

Love of money is the root of all evil.

And OP seems far more concerned with her lack of money than her lack of a meaningful relationship with her deceased uncle.

OP, you’re not owed a penny. She didn’t lie. And he left it to her for a reason. You’re being completely unreasonable.

flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 14:33

How much are we talking?

Brefugee · 22/11/2020 14:36

Meh. I'm with OP that the sister should have kept her trap shut instead of dangling the inheritance over OPs head.

Why did she do that, though, OP? Did she think you wouldn't bother seeing her otherwise?

I'd have done the same as you though, told her to shove dinner up her arse and then just wait for her to make the next move. I can't be bothered having people like that in my life.

Carpetflowers · 22/11/2020 14:36

Did you ever try to have a relationship with the great uncle?

Your sister is thinking about her children and how the money can benefit them, it’s understandable that she’s decided not to share but hurtful if she has previously said she would.

ImMoana · 22/11/2020 14:38

@flaviaritt

How much are we talking?
Yeah I need context. If she got a couple of grand I don’t blame her for keeping it all. If it was a couple of hundred thousand then YANBU.

Maybe it was a lot less then she expected and that’s why she doesn’t want to share anymore.

JillofTrades · 22/11/2020 14:39

But what is the op to be upset about unless she knew the amount and planned for that amount? It could have been pennies for all she knew.

Andante57 · 22/11/2020 14:40

@BobbingPuffins

Send her a DVD of Sense & Sensibility for Christmas.
You beat me to it.
butterpuffed · 22/11/2020 14:41

For some unknown reason your great uncle decided to leave some money to your sister and not to you.

She shouldn't have said she would share any of it with you unless she meant it and offering to treat you to a meal instead is an insult.

However, those were his wishes .

MorganKitten · 22/11/2020 14:42

It’s not your money, it was left to her and she can do what she wants with it.

ArcheryAnnie · 22/11/2020 14:42

Your uncle wasn't unreasonable to peave it to whoever he liked, but your sister was unreasonable for bullshitting you then doing a u-turn.

it would have been much better if she'd never promised anything at all.

stschiap · 22/11/2020 14:43

She should never have made a promise like that. Circumstances change- especially when people start families of their own.
How much was it? Was it maybe much less than she was expecting so she now feels she needs to keep it all for her own family?

But at the end of the day, great uncle wanted her to inherit (is he maybe her biological grandad??) and therefore she can do what she likes with the money.