To be upset about inheritance U turn

[TeaAndBrie]

My sister had always seen by great uncle. She used to go for lunch with him and my grandad. Even as a child I never received a birthday card or anything from great uncle. No idea why.
For years my sister had said that she was in the will and that as she knew we would not inherit anything from my parents that she would give me 50% of what she received. A few years ago she had said she spoke with her husband about it and that she would give me 20% instead because they have 3 children now. Fair enough.
Great uncle died a month ago and the will has just be read.
She’s now said that she was never serious about giving me any money and that she will ‘treat me’ to a meal out.
I’ve told her I’m not interested and really upset that she lied to me for all those years.
She said she will treat my twin boys as well.
I’ve told her to keep her money. Apparently I’m being dramatic. Aibu to be genuinely hurt that she lied for so long?

It's easy to give away money when you haven't actually received it yet.

I'd tell her to stick her money as well even though she's entitled to change her mind. Tell her you hope it makes her very happy.

Also your great uncle was a cock of the highest order for treating you both so differently.

I don’t blame you either OP

I would have been hurt too especially as uncle acted like a dick to you all his life

People's circumstances change though OP. My dad left money to my DSis and I when he died, it's a long story but my mum felt DSis and I should hand over our inheritances to her, on his death. Initially I agreed, but it was 2 years later when we were finally paid and in that time, DH had lost his job and I was on maternity leave with DC1, who hadn't even been conceived when I agreed to hand it over. We simply couldn't afford to. It caused such a rift in our family I'm now no contact with DSis (who did hand it over) and my mum.

I don't understand a lot of these responses. I think it's awful for adults to treat siblings differently. It's not the fault of the child. If the adult is taking one particular child out for dinner then what is the other child to think and do in response? It's not on a poor child to make more of an effort -wtf?

Your sister made a promise and broke it, which is shitty. Sure he got to decide how to give inheritance but she obviously acknowledged he was unfair to you and so promised to make it up to you.

I also wouldn't want her to treat me or my kids to dinner. That wouldn't be an enjoyable meal. The lesson learnt is that you can't trust her when it comes to promises with money.

Did you not have any opportunity to have a relationship with the great uncle at any point? How much contact has your DSis had with him over the years? If she has done loads for him and you nothing then maybe it is fair for her to keep the money, but if it was just the fact that she is older and he for some bizarre reason favoured her, then that appears to be very unfair indeed.

Money money money money money

Truly corrupts peoples minds.

it sounds like great uncle bothered with her and ignored you from child age, taking her out to lunch. Rather than your sister now bothering with him. its much easier of coyrse to bother if there was already a relationship to begin with.

if she said 20% a few years ago, when she had 3 kids, I'd not think of that as a "childhood intention" - thats her intention as a mature adult. So yes, i'd be very annoyed with her being like that.

(i assume its more than say a £1000 payment?)

YANBU OP. Maybe he was her secret dad or something. Otherwise he was plain cruel.

When it comes to inheritance, never assume anything.
Some people do put stipends on how it is released. You say she has children, he might have put the bulk in a trust for them

I think it’s really hard to know without the details of your relationship with your family, your financial situations, how your lives are, etc. Obviously sharing a chunk with you would be the nice thing to do, but she also has responsibilities now to her own family and it is ultimately her inheritance, regardless of how fair this is. If she’s not well off, the money could be enough in entirety to ensure her family can live somewhere suffieeny big, rather than a holiday, and in that case her DH may well have said that in his view seperate rooms for the children was a more appropriate use of the money than a non-life changing sum each just fir fairness sake.

However if they’re doing pretty well, own a house while you’re a struggling single mother renting, and they want to use the money on a beachhouse, horrible situation.

However ultimately I think childhood promises and fairness on inheritance are important, but sometimes real life can get in the way. Regardless she has handled it badly by giving false expectations and by not speaking to you really honestly about the situation. But if your issue is purely based on the fairness of the situation, that is misdirected and should be at your family not her. Whatever the feelings though, clealry the old man semi adopted her and took joy from imagining her inheriting her estate. It wouldn’t be a big issue if you also had your own inheritances.

Did you spent time with the uncle?

But the op said that her sister made the promise and then had 3 children. That is a huge change of circumstances. The sister was entirely reasonable to change her mind given her change of situation. Yes the sister shouldn't have promised, but she seems to have done it when she thought she could.

I'd be upset at the lie to be honest but agree circumstances change. Were you relying on this money? Or would it have been a nice extra?

YANBU to be disappointed, OP. I'd find the 'you're being dramatic' just your DSis' attempt to make herself feel less bad. I'd also not entertain the gifting of 'treats'. That again would be about making her feel better and, if she insists, just reply to say you're not a puppy or kitten to whom she can give a treat.

I'm surprised anyone thinks you're right to be upset. You spent no time with your great-uncle. Even when you knew there was likely to be an inheritance that you wanted to receive some of, you still didn't put any effort into building a relationship. You're being greedy and grabby.
My aunt left money to my DSIS because my DSIS spent lots of time with her. I don't begrudge her a penny.

For the PPs, OP, IME you are entitled to be upset, not with your great uncle but with your DSis for saying something she has chosen not to do. She shouldn't have said anything. The 'being dramatic' and 'treats' are just about making herself feel better.

It really depends on the relationship you had with your Great Uncle.

If you didn't really bother with him, how can you expect to be left anything in his will?

You have said that she did spend time with him and have lunch. Did you?

Whatever legacy your Great Uncle wrote into his will was up to him.

The only thing that matters here is that your sister repeatedly made you a promise and then broke it . Her circumstances changed - having kids- and she varied the promise - understandable . Going the step further and giving you nothing is just nasty . The first time she changed her mind she should have said then that she would give you nothing . Your sister has shown you exactly who she is and exactly what she thinks of you . I’d not make a fuss - it’s her money she can do what she likes . However I would insure that you don’t get burnt by her again - she isn’t someone you should be close too.

It sounds like your sister made an effort keeping in contact with your uncle, visiting him etc when you did not, so it's hardly surprising she was left money and not you.

I agree, she shouldn't have offered you a large percentage but presumably that was before having a family.

Oh, and it sounds like your more upset about about what your Great Uncle did with HIS money than you are about his death.

Your sister was silly to make promises but if it was years ago, she was young and didn't understand the meaning of money.
It's hers. She's entitled to keep it. If your great-uncle had cared about you maybe you would have the same, but he didn't. His relationship was with your sister. Tough.
Why do people feel entitled to a share in others' legacies?

It was wrong of her to tell you she would do something and then change her mind. Of course she doesn't have to give you anything, but why lie for years? Did the inheritance turn out to be much less than expected? Is she facing large, unexpected financial burdens at the moment? Barring that, it sounds like she and her husband have discussed it and decided that there's no reason to honour her promises to you.

It's easier to promise the idea of money in the dim and misty future than it is to part with the real thing that's currently resting safely in your own account.

I’d be upset personally. Not quite the same but I have been treated more favourably than my sister by my dads side of the family, for no apparent reason. They all live in a different country and I only met my grandad once. He randomly started sending me money (my dad spoke to him, it was a gift for years of no relationship or something ) but never any to my sister. I always split it. It wasn’t huge amounts but a few thousand in total and I knew it was unfair for me to get some and not my sister.

Of course she can do what she wants with it, but I don’t think my relationship with her would fully recover if that were me.

The decision is one she now has to make with her husband. But she is naive if she thinks it won't upset you. Only you can decide how big you want the rift to be. (I would suggest thinking what would you do if a family crisis or illness happens tomorrow? If you would forgive and rush to be with your sister then don't let this get between you.)