To be upset about inheritance U turn

[TeaAndBrie]

My sister had always seen by great uncle. She used to go for lunch with him and my grandad. Even as a child I never received a birthday card or anything from great uncle. No idea why.
For years my sister had said that she was in the will and that as she knew we would not inherit anything from my parents that she would give me 50% of what she received. A few years ago she had said she spoke with her husband about it and that she would give me 20% instead because they have 3 children now. Fair enough.
Great uncle died a month ago and the will has just be read.
She’s now said that she was never serious about giving me any money and that she will ‘treat me’ to a meal out.
I’ve told her I’m not interested and really upset that she lied to me for all those years.
She said she will treat my twin boys as well.
I’ve told her to keep her money. Apparently I’m being dramatic. Aibu to be genuinely hurt that she lied for so long?

OK, just seen your update. She promised you a gift a WEEK before he passed away. Then that is shitty behavior, I can’t understand why she’d say that so recently and then renege.

She needs to learn to keep her trap shut!

it’s the fact that she looked me in the eye and said ‘I promise to look after you’ on many many occasions

I'm on your side OP. Separate from the money, when someone close like a sibling promises to always have your back/look after you/similar, it's a huge breach of trust when that support never materialises.

I would wait until a few weeks after the dust has settled and if she hasn't changed her tune, I'd ghost her for eternity because that's not the sort of fair weather family you need in your life.

OP, I’m with you. That is an enormous inheritance even if before tax. I can’t believe she promised you and is reneging.

400k is A LOT! YANBU OP. I would be quite hurt by this too.

I've just read it as well. Just treating you to a meal is cheapakate for sure. Is there any chance she had no idea she would inherit so much? Because if someone gave me £400k l wouldn't be giving half if it away. That is a life changing amount of money. Especially if she wants to give it to her children. Could her DH be driving this? Mine is grumpy because l told my mum not to put me in her will because l don't want her money. He would take it all anyway 😂

I'm not surprised you are angry and hurt, OP.

A 7 year age difference meant you didn't have a chance to build up that kind of relationship, and £400k is an enormous inheritance not to share.

I don't see how your relationship could ever be the same again. Even a £50k share wld mean the world, wouldn't it.

Why did u not take him out for lunch?

If your sister had any sense of decency she would split the inheritance with you. I’m saying this regardless of the uncle’s will and regardless of who has or hasn’t children. You have to be treated with decency and respect. My stepdad died recently and although he had only stipulated that gifts should go to his (blood) grandchildren, my sister expanded this to include ALL the grandchildren so they were all thought they’d been remembered. It’s the kind thing to do.

[quote EKGEMS]@oopsiedaisy2 The love of money is the root of all evil not money itself [/quote]
Yes I was just about to correct this too!

@ArcheryAnnie

Your uncle wasn't unreasonable to peave it to whoever he liked, but your sister was unreasonable for bullshitting you then doing a u-turn.

it would have been much better if she'd never promised anything at all.

^ This

Just to clarify, I was never the one to bring up the money or instigate or hold her to this promise. She would talk about it continuously and I would ask her to stop. I tried to lighten the situation by saying things like I’m sure it’s all gone to a charity.
I had no relationship with my great uncle, there was no base there from an early age. I don’t know why it was that way but it was never an issue.
I don’t expect his money or expect him to leave me any. I have no claims to it and don’t feel aggrieved at no receiving any. Honestly and truly.

I would feel aggrieved. What a divisive act.

I think your DSis had good intentions but tbh,this amount of money is life changing and giving you a large amount which was not gifted to you affects what she can do with what is left. Perhaps if you'd got to know Great Uncle he would have left you something,too.
But, as I said on another post,inheritance isn't an entitlement.
Ignore it and move on

This is what people do as soon as they sniff money. I've seen it time and time again. Ditch her and see if the money makes up for her relationship with her sister.

If she changed her mind a week before his death, maybe he left her a letter about the inheritance or something was stated specifically in the will about not sharing that money.

I didn’t take him out for lunch because after school and sixth form I moved away for university for 3 years and then moved 2 hours away. By the time I moved back to my home city I was a single mum with my twins and trying to work full time. My great uncle didn’t like children so I would never have seen him without them. Tbh without the emotion there and connection why would I spend time with him. He made it obvious from an early age I wasn’t significant to him.

Your sister has rationalised watering down her offer to you OP, probably with the help of her husband. Jane Austin described this process perfectly in the first part of Sense and Sensibility.
There is nothing you can do now, but it is up to you whether you want it to cause a rift with your sister. I was promised two particular things in my mother's will but she changed her mind and left them to my brother instead. It happens and is hurtful but please don't let it spoil things for you.

"I'll look after you" is not the same as saying that she'll give you some of the inheritance. I'd say that means that if you had a issue she's there to help, not she's going to give you money.

And it seems odd to have discussed it so much. I mean, I don't think I'd have expected it to have come up in conversation much. I'd agree with the person who says if the Op brought it up, then it's grabby, if the sister did, it's braggy.

I had lots of great aunts and great uncles. I don't think any sent us cards at birthdays. I do know that one great aunt had a soft spot for dsis. Entirely down to having a joint interest in common.

But the dsis had a relationship with him. Presumably she's now mourning, which the OP clearly isn't. People do feel differently at this point than when it's a theoretical possibility.

Maybe she thinks that it's a nice momentum of her Great-Uncle that she went out for lunch with, to take her family out to lunch. Maybe the will says "I give it to Op's dsis on the basis she gives none to Op because the only time OP came to see me, she spent the entire time talking about how she deserved 50% of the inheritance". Maybe the dsis knows her/her dh is about to lose their job. Maybe someone else has come forwards and said "if you're giving some to Op, I deserve some too..."

We can't know any of this.
The only thing we can know is that the money has been left to the sister, and it's for the sister to choose what she does with it.

She didn’t change her mind until after he had died and she saw the will.
I understand it’s life changing for her. But to make out it was never a serious promise is completely unfair as it was completely devised and pushed from her regularly for many years

I love how some people are justifying the OP’s ‘dear’ sister shafting her on the basis that the inheritance is bloody enormous.

I’d say that means that if you had a issue she's there to help, not she's going to give you money.

Just not an issue that involves money.

Well I hope her money makes up for loosing a sister. To accept such a huge sum without thinking of you is shitty even without the promises.

The fact that your sister lied to you will def a put off to me .

£400k! I’d be telling her to stick her meal out

Your sister has behaved very poorly towards you.
Do you think you can still have a relationship with her? I'm not sure I could.
Even though you aren't entitled to this money in any way, the way she has dealt with this would leave me feeling very uncomfortable if I were you.