To be upset about inheritance U turn

[TeaAndBrie]

My sister had always seen by great uncle. She used to go for lunch with him and my grandad. Even as a child I never received a birthday card or anything from great uncle. No idea why.
For years my sister had said that she was in the will and that as she knew we would not inherit anything from my parents that she would give me 50% of what she received. A few years ago she had said she spoke with her husband about it and that she would give me 20% instead because they have 3 children now. Fair enough.
Great uncle died a month ago and the will has just be read.
She’s now said that she was never serious about giving me any money and that she will ‘treat me’ to a meal out.
I’ve told her I’m not interested and really upset that she lied to me for all those years.
She said she will treat my twin boys as well.
I’ve told her to keep her money. Apparently I’m being dramatic. Aibu to be genuinely hurt that she lied for so long?

Based on the high amount she stands to inherit, the offer of a meal is a bit of a slap in the face from the sister. Even £10K would have been extremely generous gift and would still leave her with a life changing amount.

Let’s hope this wasn’t one of those situations where she was going to treat you to dinner and present you with a cheque; otherwise you’ve screwed that pooch

The amount makes it MUCH worse

Nearly half a million quid - how divisive !

Sorry, just to clarify OP as I am confused, did she say she would give you money or that she would look after you?

Folk get odd about inheritances... my parents, very estranged and long divorced, but my dad (for some reason only he understood) convinced himself that DM was likely to inherit something significant from her aunt. In the event, she left everything to her only son, with sentimental gifts to others. At the time, I thought it was dad convincing himself that he didn't need to treat DM fairly in the divorce. I haven't had a reason to change that view in 35 years.

I’ve read all your responses but not the entire thread so apologies if this has been said.

In my view the amount shouldn’t matter., but it seems to others that the more the inheritance the greater the need to compensate you. So what sort of compensation are you looking for? What amount would be enough for you?

But more fundamentally maybe the will has stipulated that the money should be for her and her family. Maybe your uncle wanted to protect it from going to others that he did not have a relationship with? I make this assumption because she has changed her mind since seeing the will.

Money is the root of all evil and to be honest I would forget about the money in order to have a relationship with your sister - she should never have promised it, she made quite clearly a mistake and you need to get over it. If you can’t then clearly it was about the money and whether she gave you £1,000 or 50% I get the impression it would never be enough 🤷🏼‍♀️

@JillofTrades

Yabvu and extremely greedy. It was never intended for you in the very first place so how do you feel about accepting money that was not meant for you. Your sister had 3 children and her family is her priority so she has every right to change her mind. Besides, what were you expecting to receive unless you knew the exact amount stated in the will? I think its really odd you feel so entitled to something that wasn't meant for you.

If i were the sister being handed almost half a million pounds from a relative and my sister got nothing, I’d split it with her - because that’s what good sisters do. Of course the OP will feel hard done by, that’s only human nature.

@FrankRattlesnake

I’ve read all your responses but not the entire thread so apologies if this has been said.

In my view the amount shouldn’t matter., but it seems to others that the more the inheritance the greater the need to compensate you. So what sort of compensation are you looking for? What amount would be enough for you?

But more fundamentally maybe the will has stipulated that the money should be for her and her family. Maybe your uncle wanted to protect it from going to others that he did not have a relationship with? I make this assumption because she has changed her mind since seeing the will.

Money is the root of all evil and to be honest I would forget about the money in order to have a relationship with your sister - she should never have promised it, she made quite clearly a mistake and you need to get over it. If you can’t then clearly it was about the money and whether she gave you £1,000 or 50% I get the impression it would never be enough 🤷🏼‍♀️

How is it a 'mistake'?

The sister has now realised that it's hundreds of thousands and she can't even spare a couple of thousand for the OP's children.

Why would the OP want a relationship with someone who promised one thing, saw the £ signs and reneged.

• If i were the sister being handed almost half a million pounds from a relative and my sister got nothing, I’d split it with her - because that’s what good sisters do. Of course the OP will feel hard done by, that’s only human nature.*

Really?

You honestly, hand-on-heart would wave goodbye at your chance of getting on the property ladder? Of being able to provide substantially for your children so that they could get on the property ladder?

You’d favour your sister over your own children? After all, they have just as much a relationship with the great-uncle as you do.

Tell her you aren't accepting the meal offer as you have no way of knowing whether she'd change her mind about that offer too and decide to keep the money for your share to herself

@TeaAndBrie

I didn’t take him out for lunch because after school and sixth form I moved away for university for 3 years and then moved 2 hours away. By the time I moved back to my home city I was a single mum with my twins and trying to work full time. My great uncle didn’t like children so I would never have seen him without them. Tbh without the emotion there and connection why would I spend time with him. He made it obvious from an early age I wasn’t significant to him.

OP - and yet you think you're entitled to his money. When you love and care about someone the distance is not a barrier. You did not have a relationship with him but you want his money. This post says a lot more about you and you seem pretty entitled.

You honestly, hand-on-heart would wave goodbye at your chance of getting on the property ladder? Of being able to provide substantially for your children so that they could get on the property ladder?

It’s 400k. If she kept her word and gave her sister 80k, she would have £320,000 outright. Presumably she works. That is a huge amount of money.

Greedy mare.

Something similar happened in my family. My mother was kicked out of the family for marrying beneath her and unlike Downton Abbey was never welcomed back. However I loved my grandmother and she took to me as she never did to my sister. I used to visit her several times a week and continued to do so until she died in the 1970s.

She left me and my two cousins money in her will and her house to be sold and divided between two of my aunts (but not my mother). In effect my mother and sister were ignored in the will. She left the entire contents of her house to me and when sold it worked out at almost the value of the house.

My mother and sister were quite angry and bitter about the will and the aunts were miffed that after selling some of the furniture at Christies I did so well on the contents. I kept some small pieces to remember my grandmother by but most was far too large for my flat. I had to work hard to arrange a house clearance and to sell all the antiques I had inherited. In doing so I learned a lot about the antiques trade and later set up my own business. I used the money I made to get onto the property ladder.

My family did not appreciate that it was upto my gran to leave her property to whom she wished. She had all her faculties right up to the end and knew what she was doing. I did not feel obliged to give my sister or parents any of my inheritance because they had not bothered with my grandmother when she was alive.

£400k. YADNBU.
Shame she was the one to push the issue for so long and then do a u turn. Tbh I learnt a long time ago not to trust people when it comes to money, especially family who think you will always be there no matter how badly they treat you.
Sorry OP.

I had to work hard to arrange a house clearance and to sell all the antiques I had inherited.

Not exactly being worked like a Brighton mule, is it?

OP is getting a hard time.

She doesn't sound entitled, she didn't ask for the money, she doesn't know the Uncle. The sister promised 50/50 split in childhood. I think that's a promise that can be ignored.

She promised 20% as an adult with 3 children. The OP understood.

A week before the Uncle died she said again that she would look after the OP.

Now she says she was never serious in the first place.

OP isn't annoyed about no inheritance, or that she isn't getting her hands on any....the sister has repeatedly promised as an adult that she would share with the OP, and now she hasn't.

Of course she can change her mind, a promise means nothing, it's not a contract, but the upset is because clearly the OP's sister has gone back on a promise made several times.

400K is a life changing amount. To offer a meal out when you've just inherited 400K, after promising more, well....it's a bit shit.

@ArcheryAnnie

Your uncle wasn't unreasonable to peave it to whoever he liked, but your sister was unreasonable for bullshitting you then doing a u-turn.

it would have been much better if she'd never promised anything at all.

This

£400k! She does seem greedy. You don’t have any right to the money as I know you know but I hope you tell her to shove her “meal out” up her backside.

She changed her mind, simple as that. Try not to let it ruin things between you two. Life is so short and it says a lot about your character if you can be the bigger person in this situation. The money was never meant to be yours anyways :(

You're not being over-dramatic, OP. It's clear that your sister's good intentions have ebbed away as the possibility of a life-changing amount of money turned into reality. She obviously enjoyed the idea of being generous and looking after you when it didn't actually cost her anything. Her behaviour is really poor and she should be ashamed - the Sense and Sensibility reference is inspired, that's exactly what it's like. And now she's trying to blame you for the inevitable deterioration in your relationship. I'm sorry you're having to put up with this when none of it was your own making. What an idiot she is.

Your sister should never have made a promise she wasn't going to keep.

I think the 20% offer was reasonable since she now has children but to go back on that when she promised it so recently is key here. She is firmly in the wrong for that alone.

Do you have any of what she offered in email or writing or texts etc?

If you do I'd be tempted to say 50/50 is what you agreed. Cough up.

He didn’t want you to have the money. He is the one your upset and anger should be directed towards.

I can see why you are upset. If she hadn't have promised anything then it would be different but she did.
Are your parents still alive? What do they think? Do you have any other siblings?
Something similar happened to me but on a much smaller scale. When my great aunt died she left my sister £8000 and me nothing. We were both children at the time. My sister is older than me and my grandma (my great aunts sister) looked after her after school whereas didn't feel she could look after both of us due to her health so I had to go to my other grandma's house. That was the only difference between me and my sister and I think slightly unfair but my mum helped me to save money because of it (she couldn't afford to give me £8000) but used to put £15 a month into my account which over the years built up. Families are very odd aren't they?!

That is very unfair of your uncle to do that and I think your sister should have given you something, as she must also realise that it is very unfair to give one sister a huge amount and not the other - regardless of whether she spent more time with him as a child.

I would certainly want to even things up if it was my sister.

I think as someone else said, a gift of £50,000 would definitely be nice.

She inherited 400k and only offered you a meal?! YADNBU. She made numerous promises over the years to share the inheritance with you and now she actually has the money she’s gone back on it and is trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re being unreasonable as she was “never serious”.

Even 5% of that amount would be amazing. If she was my sister I would struggle to maintain a close relationship with her after this. Any money I inherited from a relationship would be split with my brother, can’t even imagine inheriting 400k and only offering a meal!