Row with DH over toddler clothes...

[WeeWelshWoman]

This morning, my husband wanted to put our toddler in exactly the same jeans and jumper he wore yesterday (changed vest and t-shirt). I asked him to at least change the jumper because otherwise it looked like we were sending our child out in exactly the same clothes two days in a row.

He got huffy and said it was insane when I said sometimes other mums/ nursery staff may talk and I just wanted the jumper swapped. That he could wear it on the weekend instead if it was ok.

My husband thinks that other parents never comment on children wearing the same clothes two or three days in a row. I disagree (memories from school and being bullied about it). I pointed out that as a guy, any negative comments would never be made towards him, but to me.

He says I'm putting my experiences on our son. I agree, to a point, but I want to stop this lazy just grabbing the nearest items that sort of look clean enough habit now, before it does become an issue.

For reference, I was a free school meals kid for most of my childhood. My husband is from a much pushed background and went to boarding school. I think this may have impacted his view on this.

AIBU to not want my son to go to nursery in exactly the same clothes two or three days in a row?

I'm not adverse to reusing clean clothes. I just don't want him visibly in the same outfit.

It's not very eco friendly to only wear clothes once. I dont see the big deal of not being seen in the same clothes two days in a row. I'll wear the same jumper every day if its clean.
If its covered in paint and food or smells it goes in the wash, if its clean it goes back on.

I think this is very much a personal experience thing -

If you’ve always had a secure, supported, financially fine background you think you/your kids can wear what you like and everyone else either won’t notice or can bugger off with their judgments.

If you’ve grown up not having enough or being bullied or neglected or not being made to feel secure over finances / possessions / food etc by your parents, you know how much strangers’ judgements can not just hurt but actually effect your life (eg social services referrals). You are therefore much more likely to care/take measures to ensure such judgements cannot happen.

Both camps think the other one is out of touch with reality, but the sad fact is they are both correct for their own lived experience.

Agree with PPs saying that poorer kids wear multiple sets of perfect uniform/clothes. I work as a TA and have noticed this a lot. Middle class kids just wear one or two sets of uniform, usually from the supermarket. The kids whose parents can least afford it show up to reception on PE day in £50 trainers.

I think it is stuff like this that makes men take a step back in parenting.

He sorted clothes. They were clean and suitable, only you thought he should choose something different. Way to make him not bother with dressing your DS in the future and leaving you to do it.

OP I noticed to it user name and I wonder if this is also cultural as well as class. I grew up English middle class but most of my family are from the South Wales Valleys and I wouldn’t wear or put my child in the same clothes two days running. I do air and reuse clothing until it needs washing, but in my family it is important to be well-presented and that involves being seen to be ‘tidy’.

I can see your comments where you admit that you have issues about it because of childhood bullying and I agree with posters who say that as long as the clothes are clean it’s fine, but it isn’t fine for DH to put toddler in dirty clothes on the basis ‘it will just get dirty later’. That’s just lazy and it’s totally reasonable of you to mind

I don't think people are going to care if a 2-year-old is wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row, so long as they're reasonably clean.

In my experience and observation, wearing the same clothes twice in a row is rarely the subject of bullying or even comment (except unfortunately with regard to females in the public eye, or in certain types of job where looking glamorous is expected). If it's day after day after day, maybe; or if the clothes look dirty or wrinkled; but not just because they're worn for a second day in a row.

You have insecurities, dont push them onto your child, which you are doing without realising it. Stop worrying what others may or may not say, people really dont care,

YABU

You’re projecting your experiences and insecurities on to your child.

I could understand your point if your child was a bit older but he’s a toddler. As long as he’s clean and tidy no one will notice or care if he’s worn the same clothes two days in a row.

I agree with you op. I have the same mentality, I wasn't bullied but we didn't have much money growing up.
I change my top every day (will wear the same jeans for a few days though)
Even if I wear a top that isn't dirty/sweaty/ and doesn't need washing at the end of the day (which doesn't happens very often) then I still won't wear it the next day. I will wear something different.
Same for my ds. If he (miraculously) doesn't get his top dirty, then I'll put that one back in the drawer and he'll wear a different one the next day.

@RelaisBlu

the poshest and richest people I know are often the scruffiest

Yes indeed - I remember a friend at university who only owned one jumper. He wore it every day (he had a famous wealthy father)

I had a university friend like this too. I bumped into him 20-odd years later and he was still wearing the same jumper.

I agree with you. I'd never send her to nursery two days in a row in the same clothes but if the baby is with me and Iv seen that the clothes aren't dirty wet etc then I'd maybe use them again.

I don't wear the same jumper 2 days in a row even if nobody is going to see me. I would wear the same one a few days later.

A woman I worked with wore the same outfit every day. She washed the top every night when she got home. She was gossiped about. Yes, she was clean and tidy but somehow it mattered that she wore the same clean clothes every day.

I'm really impressed that your toddler's clothes are clean enough to be worn 2 days in a row. Mine are always caked in dirt and food by the end of the day.

If my toddler's clothes were actually still clean at the end of the day, I would definitely put them on her again the next day. I wouldn't even be thinking about what another nursery parent might say behind my back. And I grew up poor too.

we change the top everyday , if it's been weekend and it's clean then we we send him in it the next day

the trousers we reuse them more if clean

at 2.5y not much survives clean :D

You are being ridiculous and irrational. They'll be wearing uniform at school. It's a complete non issue.

I also think it's very wrong to be annoyed that your husband didnt just as he was told. I'd be quite annoyed at my husband telling me I was dressing our child wrong and dictating how it should be done.
Try to see things from both sides and discussing things you disagree on is healthy, not a sign of disrespect or whatever. You should also try not to let your fears of bullying rub off on DS or control your parenting. You'll make him value other peoples opinions of him far too much and it's not healthy to worry what others think of you.

@Confrontayshunme

Agree with PPs saying that poorer kids wear multiple sets of perfect uniform/clothes. I work as a TA and have noticed this a lot. Middle class kids just wear one or two sets of uniform, usually from the supermarket. The kids whose parents can least afford it show up to reception on PE day in £50 trainers.

Yes because if someone sees a mc child in old clothes, they assume the parents are sensible types who aren't concerned with superficial nonsense.

If they see a wc child in old clothes, they assume the parents are either very poor or very feckless or both.

But it clearly bothers you so yes dh should listen as it makes you happy and it's not that hard

However, chances are that if the sexes were reversed insisting that a woman change her child’s clothes in order to support a man’s view would be declared controlling.

If you want him to undertake childcare 50/50 he has to do it his way as long as nothing dangerous, unhealthy or too expensive occurs. Your DH shouldn’t be required to comply with your Hyacinth Bucket notions, or projected issues.

I just surprised the clothes were clean enough for a second day.
That never happened with my kids

Let it go. It’s not important. And I also don’t think I would ever remember what another persons child was wearing the day before

If my 3 and 5 yr olds clothes are clean enough to wear again, they wear them again. Its a rarity tbh. But they've spent Tuesday, and Wednesday afternoon the same outfit, weds a.m. they were playing out and got filthy. Weds p.m. they had the day before clean outfit back on. I couldn't care less what anyone thinks.

@ohdoleavemealone @BabyofMine
I agree. If there were another issue, say, DC fell and had a shocking bruise or something, a pattern of 'being left in the same clothes' could be used as more 'evidence' for a concerned (or overreacting) nursery worker. No harm to set aside the worn jumper for a day or two.

@BabyLlamaZen

Fwiw it's always the families with less money desperately trying to put kids in the best oitfits etc. The really wealthy ones tend to stick to a few decent outfits and not care what people think!

This.

A woman I worked with wore the same outfit every day. She washed the top every night when she got home. She was gossiped about. Yes, she was clean and tidy but somehow it mattered that she wore the same clean clothes every day.

The issue here is with the shallow minded gossipers, not with the woman.