Row with DH over toddler clothes...

[WeeWelshWoman]

This morning, my husband wanted to put our toddler in exactly the same jeans and jumper he wore yesterday (changed vest and t-shirt). I asked him to at least change the jumper because otherwise it looked like we were sending our child out in exactly the same clothes two days in a row.

He got huffy and said it was insane when I said sometimes other mums/ nursery staff may talk and I just wanted the jumper swapped. That he could wear it on the weekend instead if it was ok.

My husband thinks that other parents never comment on children wearing the same clothes two or three days in a row. I disagree (memories from school and being bullied about it). I pointed out that as a guy, any negative comments would never be made towards him, but to me.

He says I'm putting my experiences on our son. I agree, to a point, but I want to stop this lazy just grabbing the nearest items that sort of look clean enough habit now, before it does become an issue.

For reference, I was a free school meals kid for most of my childhood. My husband is from a much pushed background and went to boarding school. I think this may have impacted his view on this.

AIBU to not want my son to go to nursery in exactly the same clothes two or three days in a row?

I'm not adverse to reusing clean clothes. I just don't want him visibly in the same outfit.

[Conair]

Honestly they tend to only notice if the clothes are dirty. Like I mentioned my son has loads of clothes but wears the same jumper and tracksuit continually ( as soon as it's out of the drier it's back on)
His mates are the same.
People even children can normally tell the difference between a clean child and one that isn't kept clean and tidy, and wearing the same top twice isn't a row isnt a big deal. Honestly

[RattleOfBars]

I always put mine in a clean outfit each day for nursery. I’m not sure anyone noticed but nursery clothes tend to come home with food/snot/paint on them and they smell of nursery too!

Also with Covid around I thought everyone is supposed to send kids to school/nursery in clean clothes each day? It was written into our nursery policy. Although I must confess some days mine went in mismatched socks when I ran out of matching ones!

Simple solution would be to put your son’s used clothes straight into the wash basket when he gets home and lay a fresh set out so your DH has no excuse for putting him in the same outfit!

[TheTrollFairy]

I would never had noticed if other children went in the same clothes at nursery. My DD would certainly reuse a jumper (like most people I know do) a couple of times in a row unless it needs changing

[WeeWelshWoman]

@SnuggyBuggy this is the odd thing, we've done a load of laundry and bought a toddler bundle of clothes off FB before lockdown. He has loads of clean clothes.

I think what has bothered me is my husband's reaction. He wanted to argue the toss, instead of grabbing/ letting me grab a different jumper.

[Thesearmsofmine]

YABU if the clothes are clean then they are fine to rewear. My dc wear clothes a couple of times if clean.

[dontdisturbmenow]

Things have changed since your time at school. Until, if ever, your child express an unease about it, then you are making an issue where there is none.

It never crossed my mind that my kids could be judge for wearing the same jumper two days in a row. If someone had made a comment, I would have laughed.

[OpEd]

If I had children that was in clean clothes at the end of the day I'd definitely wear them again, as a family we appear to be quite muddy 🤣

[autumnleaves1220]

See I'm so fussy with clothes and cleanliness that I will not wear something I've worn once again... I have to wash it but I do have quite bad OCD.

My children have fresh clothes each day, and my washing is bloody ridiculous. If I mentally could stretch a few more days out of outfits I so would.

I wouldn't think much of another person wearing the same thing twice though. I don't think it's wrong or a bad thing I just mentally can't do it. If it's clean it's not an issue, how do they know you don't have two of the same jumper??

[Mouthfulofquiz]

If it’s clean then why not stick it on again. I’ve never heard parents discussing what their toddlers are wearing - I’ve got a million bigger things to think about! I think as long as kids have suitable clothes for the weather (eg wellies / decent coat in the rain) then surely that is all that matters. I can see why older kids would notice perhaps, but at toddler age.. not an issue.

[AliceMcK]

Your definitely being over sensitive about this. At nursery they won’t care. I bought multiple cheap jumpers for my 1stDD when she started nursery so she had what looked like the same jumper on everyday, I did it as I didn’t care if they got trashed.

When DS is in school he will probably have a uniform anyway.

Trust me when I say if you have more kids, you are going to want to make them wear things more than once if you can to reduce the washing pile as it’s never ending.

[DuesToTheDirt]

I'm with your husband, and frankly I'd feel it was you causing the argument.

[Hoppinggreen]

It probably doesn’t matter but given your history I can see why it might feel like it
However, it’s such a minor thing for your DH to do to make you more comfortable then he should do it. He doesn’t need to agree, he should just appreciate your feelings.
Maybe you could try some counselling to help with your issues though? I was badly bullied at Primary and it’s still with me over 30 years later

[whoareyouIwonder]

but my DH is somewhat resistant to change

Nope, you're the one resistant to change and your projecting your worries and fears into your child.

[formerbabe]

I absolutely understand your reasoning op and would feel the same

[FoxtrotOscarPoppet]

YANBU.

I wear clean clothes every day as does my daughter. The only thing she’ll wear twice are pyjamas.
My DH is a lot more relaxed about things but we have different standards about clothes, housework, etc.

[TeamLucille]

I agree with you about dirty clothes: they go straight in the laundry basket so are no longer available to wear.

Same jumper 2 days in a row? Not only I wouldn't even have noticed myself if I did but I buy packs of similar clothes and tend to stick to same colours anyway, so my toddlers must have been wearing different clothes looking identical to the ones from the day before (jeans are jeans too!) for more than 2 days in a row!

Once they start thinking they care, you won't have a say in it anyway

[TerribleLizard]

I get where you’re coming from. People from wealthier backgrounds tend to have more confidence that these things don’t matter because they aren’t afraid of being judged by institutions like schools, healthcare etc. People from less well off backgrounds are often looked down on, so it isn’t a lack of confidence problem, it’s a logical response to their experience.

I would happily reuse clean clothes on myself, but wouldn’t wear the same full outfit 2 days in a row. My children (both under 5) have clean clothes every day because even if they look clean they will likely have spilt a little milk or something on themselves, and I have to wash every day anyway, or there isn’t space to dry stuff.

[TeamLucille]

one of the bonuses or downsides of uniforms...

Some families are less clean than others let's say.

[drspouse]

How will they even know at school if it's school uniform?
YABVVVU.
If it's clean, wear it again.
If other children make comments, talk to the teacher. You are victim blaming if you tell DH not to this for this reason.

If the nursery workers are thinking anything they are thinking how you are so clever to get a toddler to keep their jumper clean!

[Oysterbabe]

My son has gone to nursery in the same top as he wore yesterday. It was still clean and I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks.

[Brefugee]

People really don't take as much notice of you and what you wear (or your DS and what he wears) as you think.

if he went every day in the same clothes for weeks, looked dirty and so on - then they would worry and would be right to.

Frankly we all do far too much washing. It's better for the environment to wash less frequently, it's certainly better for the clothes (unless they're really dirty but i think in this case they weren't?)

Also worry about primary and secondary school later...

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

I think you are projecting your own experiences and agree with the pp that you're the one who is set in your ways, because of your experiences. Parents don't notice what other kids are wearing, unless it's something really eye-catching or the child is obviously showing them what they've got on.

At primary school, we had a uniform but even if yours doesn't it makes a lot of sense to create a kind of uniform for yourself, ie a set of similar joggers and polo shirts. That's going to make the future mornings a lot easier. But that's all in the future.

I think YABU but I understand why.

[ememem84]

Dd went to nursery in the same top as yesterday. It was clean and if I’m honest I couldn’t be bothered arguing with a 3 year old.

[RelaisBlu]

the poshest and richest people I know are often the scruffiest

Yes indeed - I remember a friend at university who only owned one jumper. He wore it every day (he had a famous wealthy father)

[wishing3]

I wouldn’t necessarily expect others to notice or comment, so i can see your husband’s point. However I think that if it bothers you, it would be nice for your husband to support your wishes - and of course for you to reciprocate if there is a reverse situation at some point.