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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband expects me to be glued to his children and it's driving me insane

309 replies

YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:19

Nothing I do is fucking good enough.

He's accused me tonight of having an issue with the children and avoiding them because I caught up with a programme in another room whilst they were happily settled in the living room with headphones on, playing games this morning.

The funniest part about this is.... HE WAS OUT. I was looking after them so he could go out and do something.

Apparently I should have watched my programme on my tablet in the same room so we were 'spending time together' (whilst he was out...not spending time with us) Hmm

I've told him how rich that is considering he wasn't even here himself and that I don't see what the problem is.

I was in and out of the room, tidying up, asking if they needed anything, what were they watching etc...

They aren't tiny children for goodness sake (9 & 11), surely it's not a big deal that we spent an hour in separate rooms for the morning.

I'm so pissed off. Apparently I used to make more effort with things like painting with them, baking etc... I agree we did used to do more stuff, but that was when they were much smaller, they just aren't as interested in those things anymore. All they want to do is play games and he lets them. But I'm apparently supposed to make more effort?

He does this all the time. If I want to go somewhere on a contact day it's 'dont you want to see the children' etc... I feel fucking suffocated by it.

OP posts:
Original poster
YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:20

He said 'how would you feel if it was our kid and I sat in another room to watch TV'.

I said I honestly wouldn't care if they were settled doing something like a game or a kids film and you caught up with another programme in the next room for an hour Confused surely we don't all have to sit in the same room all day?

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 17/10/2020 22:20

Are the children yours as well OP

Shahlalala · 17/10/2020 22:20

Have you called him out on the double standards?

Original poster
YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:21

@Anordinarymum

Are the children yours as well OP
No they are my step children.
OP posts:
jay55 · 17/10/2020 22:22

Tell him your babysitting service is over. He's not your boss.

Anordinarymum · 17/10/2020 22:22

Sorry I misread. The children are his. Why are you being beaten with them ?

stanski · 17/10/2020 22:22

You're not a babysitter!! That would irk me so much. Double standards

Original poster
YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:23

By the way, they live here 50:50 so it's not an EOW arrangement where they are barely here. We see each other all the time so I don't see why every second has to be spent in the same room.

OP posts:
AibuTellMe · 17/10/2020 22:23

Go out when he has them, contact day is for him not you. Unless you are his nanny and get paid to look after them.

TheCraicDealer · 17/10/2020 22:23

If he starts up again I'd just say, "I don't want to discuss this any further, but I'll rememeber your attitude to my doing you a favour with the kids when you next ask for my help".

VeniceQueen2004 · 17/10/2020 22:24

Sounds lik you are very incompatible. FFS don't have a kid with him and for his kids' sake move on from the relationship.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/10/2020 22:24

He is Def being a hypocritical and unreasonable dick.

How often do the kids come to yours? How often does he leave and expect you to babysit?

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 17/10/2020 22:24

You need to stop minding his kids - they belong to him and if he's going to take that attitude, he ought to be with them for every moment of his contact time. Not palming them off onto you, so he can do something else.
I can't see this marriage going the distance if he is too thick to comprehend that it isn't okay for him to go out and then moan at you because you were in another room.

Lindy2 · 17/10/2020 22:24

A 9 and 11 year old don't need you to be in the same room as them.

Go out yourself tomorrow morning so that he can spend some proper time with his children, if he thinks that's what they need.

Original poster
YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:25

@Shahlalala

Have you called him out on the double standards?
Yes I said so he gets to swan off and I'm the one who has to sit in a room watching them with headsets on playing games so that we can 'spend time together'... Hmm

How can he accuse someone of not spending time when he wasn't even in the fucking house. Cheeky bastard.

I am so annoyed because I do so much for those children. I take them to fucking school all the time, look after them after school until he gets home etc...

But because I don't want to spend my Saturday morning watching fucking Fortnite, I'm the bad guy?

OP posts:
ALbigbump · 17/10/2020 22:26

Yanbu, the kids sound like they were happy, he is bvu

Ohtherewearethen · 17/10/2020 22:26

He's got you right where he wants you, hasn't he? Turn it back on him. Next time he wants to go out when his children are there, ask him why he would rather do that than spend time with his children. Refuse to babysit again as he's made it so clear that spending time together is so important so he needs to relish every opportunity to spend time with his kids. Use his own words back at him. Then go off and do your own thing. The cheek of him is astounding. I couldn't put up with that. He's telling you what you should be doing with his kids when he is not even there? Nopes.

Savemyusername01 · 17/10/2020 22:26

Where was he then?

seayork2020 · 17/10/2020 22:26

Tell him you are not a nanny

Itisbetter · 17/10/2020 22:27

It’s fine not to be in the same room with them for an hour.

emilybrontescorsett · 17/10/2020 22:27

I agree with Thecraicdealer .

Anydreamwilldo12 · 17/10/2020 22:27

Jesus christ this is so screwed up. He expects you to entertain his kids while he swans off out and bollocks you when you don't. He's one cheeky bastard.

OhCaptain · 17/10/2020 22:27

The fucking cheek of him!

Original poster
YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:27

@ALbigbump

Yanbu, the kids sound like they were happy, he is bvu
They were fine!

One was playing a game with headphones on and the other was watching a film on the TV.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/10/2020 22:29

Time to withdraw your services me thinks...