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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband expects me to be glued to his children and it's driving me insane

309 replies

YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:19

Nothing I do is fucking good enough.

He's accused me tonight of having an issue with the children and avoiding them because I caught up with a programme in another room whilst they were happily settled in the living room with headphones on, playing games this morning.

The funniest part about this is.... HE WAS OUT. I was looking after them so he could go out and do something.

Apparently I should have watched my programme on my tablet in the same room so we were 'spending time together' (whilst he was out...not spending time with us) Hmm

I've told him how rich that is considering he wasn't even here himself and that I don't see what the problem is.

I was in and out of the room, tidying up, asking if they needed anything, what were they watching etc...

They aren't tiny children for goodness sake (9 & 11), surely it's not a big deal that we spent an hour in separate rooms for the morning.

I'm so pissed off. Apparently I used to make more effort with things like painting with them, baking etc... I agree we did used to do more stuff, but that was when they were much smaller, they just aren't as interested in those things anymore. All they want to do is play games and he lets them. But I'm apparently supposed to make more effort?

He does this all the time. If I want to go somewhere on a contact day it's 'dont you want to see the children' etc... I feel fucking suffocated by it.

OP posts:
Eddielzzard · 17/10/2020 22:43

I like TheCraicDealer's response. Perfect.

choosername1234 · 17/10/2020 22:45

What was his reply when you challenged him that he wasn't even in the same house as his kids?

Questioningeverything · 17/10/2020 22:47

My 5 and 8yr old spent the day in their room playing. In his mind I’d have had to sit in their room with them then? Nah. If they’re happy they’re good. If they wanted you, you’d have been there. But fgs please don’t be his babysitter again. Don’t do him any favours.
His kids I’m sure are lovely, but they’re not yours, they’re not your responsibility. It’s lovely that you do all you do, but it’s not an obligation. The minute I started taking my better half for granted with caring for my kids, expected it, had a go because of how he managed the time with them, would be the minute he told me to go fuck myself. And I’d deserve that.

Feefifo9 · 17/10/2020 22:47

YANBU you and the kids are totally fine. There wasn't any issue. If you were a childminder he would have a point, but you are family, of course you can all chill in your own ways quite happily.

OwlBeThere · 17/10/2020 22:48

Christ. There are days I barely see my 12 year old except when she’s hungry. He’s being ridiculous.

friendlycat · 17/10/2020 22:48

I have to ask but are you the same person who posted about wanting to see your mother on a Sunday when your step children would be with you and your husband disapproved saying you didn’t want to be with them as he hadn’t seen them all week?

BarcelonaFreddie · 17/10/2020 22:49

Absolute fucking bollocks.
It's ridiculous.
He needs to spend time with HIS children.
End of narrative.

DressingGownofDoom · 17/10/2020 22:50

Where was he?? Because see when someone has a go at you over something as unreasonable as that, it makes me think he's trying to pick a fight with you which is nothing to do with your step children but is something people do when they're cheating.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 17/10/2020 22:51

Your husband is a cheeky fucker, and he needs to take his attitude, roll it up tightly and shove it up his arse.

gah2teenagers · 17/10/2020 22:57

Next time you are ‘babysitting’ ask him what time he is going out and go out 15 mins before for a nice day out and see how he likes that. What a knob.

Newwayofthinking · 17/10/2020 23:04

How long have you been together?

How long have you been looking after his children?

Iloveacurry · 17/10/2020 23:10

So it’s ok for him to go out in a contact day? Ok right ...

You’re so not being unreasonable ...

thosetalesofunexpected · 17/10/2020 23:18

Your hubby is a maniplative sneaky head fuck

AriettyHomily · 17/10/2020 23:28

He's taking the piss.

stretchedmarks · 17/10/2020 23:30

He's out of his mind. The kids probably preferred a bit of sibling time too rather than you sitting in with them Hmm.

I'd suddenly be unavailable to mind them for a week or two. Let him do the donkey work.

Jux · 17/10/2020 23:40

Be out next Saturday. All day.

huuskymam · 17/10/2020 23:42

The brass neck of him to be pissed at you for not being in the same room, when he wasn't even in the house. I'd be telling him you're not their babysitter and he'll need to start sorting out his own kids.

FunTimes2020 · 17/10/2020 23:45

@Anordinarymum

Are the children yours as well OP
Don't be dopey!
jessstan1 · 17/10/2020 23:46

YatEe, they are big kids. Old enough to go out on their own in ordinary times.

Was husband at work today? If not, he could have stayed with the children. Don't be so available in future.

Lesson to all young women - do not get involved with a man who has children!

YoureRight · 17/10/2020 23:46

Unlimited screen time and expecting his current wife to babysit his kids while he fucks off and then berates you? Can you clarify why you tolerate this? What’s the point of this relationship, for you? (It’s obvious what screendad thinks the point is)

RoseGold7 · 17/10/2020 23:48

I’m sorry, but you sound like an unpaid au pair. They’re his children so he should be spending time with them. He should do the school run and watch them play Fortnite...

Sarahsah4r4 · 17/10/2020 23:49

He's trying to make you a servant to his children☹️
Horrid and not fair on you or the children ☹️

Edinburghfalls · 17/10/2020 23:50

Is he just ridiculous and outrageous about his children? Or was it just the excuse of the day to tell you something you were doing wasn’t good enough?

TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 17/10/2020 23:54

He's being ridiculous. It sounds like you've already pointed this out to him and he keeps coming back with it. Not sure what to do next, other than continue to point out how unreasonable he is and refuse to play childminder while he goes out to do whatever on his own.

"If you don't like how I care for the children, then next time you'd better stay here and do it yourself, because this is how I do things." x1000. On repeat. Whenever he complains about anything you do or don't do with the kids.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 17/10/2020 23:56

when you first said a 'contact' day, i was a bit confused. And then i realised. It's a contact day so his kids can see HIM ... their DAD.
So.. why isn't he using he contact day to prioritise being a father.
HOw long have you been with him, why are you with him, and is he a man who just wants the women in his life to do the things that women do, mop up, cook, clean, bear children, look after children and allow him to play his games, go to the pub and generally do 'man stuff'
Fuck that OP, you really haven't chosen very wisely. YOu don't have kids, and yet you are at home on a saturday, looking after his. Someone has played you for a fool...

I'm not saying you don't have a relationship with his kids, but come on.. he is the person they want to be with, he is their dad, and what's he playing at?

Un bloody believable... i honestly sometimes am astounded at what women put up with.
Does he have a golden cock or something?