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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband expects me to be glued to his children and it's driving me insane

309 replies

YatEe · 17/10/2020 22:19

Nothing I do is fucking good enough.

He's accused me tonight of having an issue with the children and avoiding them because I caught up with a programme in another room whilst they were happily settled in the living room with headphones on, playing games this morning.

The funniest part about this is.... HE WAS OUT. I was looking after them so he could go out and do something.

Apparently I should have watched my programme on my tablet in the same room so we were 'spending time together' (whilst he was out...not spending time with us) Hmm

I've told him how rich that is considering he wasn't even here himself and that I don't see what the problem is.

I was in and out of the room, tidying up, asking if they needed anything, what were they watching etc...

They aren't tiny children for goodness sake (9 & 11), surely it's not a big deal that we spent an hour in separate rooms for the morning.

I'm so pissed off. Apparently I used to make more effort with things like painting with them, baking etc... I agree we did used to do more stuff, but that was when they were much smaller, they just aren't as interested in those things anymore. All they want to do is play games and he lets them. But I'm apparently supposed to make more effort?

He does this all the time. If I want to go somewhere on a contact day it's 'dont you want to see the children' etc... I feel fucking suffocated by it.

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 18/10/2020 00:00

I’d just tell him that he can’t go out next time. Make it his problem now.

SandyY2K · 18/10/2020 00:04

You need to manage his expectations. Far too many men seem happy to let their second wife
or partner do the bulk of the parenting.

No wonder the first relationship didn't last, if this attitude is anything to go by

He's being ridiculous...stand your ground.

OldWomanSaysThis · 18/10/2020 00:08

Sounds like you have been slotting in as the nanny, housekeeper.
What did he do with his children before he married you?

Sunnydaysstillhere · 18/10/2020 00:14

Op you need a hobby.. A child free out of the house hobby.. Let fuckwit look after his own friggin dc..

Serin · 18/10/2020 00:20

Why are you with this idiot?
What redeeming qualities does he have?
You are not the hired help.
Stand up for yourself.

Nanny0gg · 18/10/2020 00:20

If you have them 50:50 then you have a pretty 'normal' life with them.

Which means your home is their home and you don't have to be on top of them 24/7.

Most 'normal' families just get on with life and come together to (sometimes) watch tv, play a game, go for a walk, go shopping. Otherwise parents get on with chores, kids might do homework and life carries on.

He is being absolutely ridiculous. Even if he was there they don't need constant entertaining.

newnameforthis123 · 18/10/2020 00:22

Ugh. He sounds like a shit dad, a hypocrite and a misogynist who believes women should be held to a higher standard of parenting... even when they are his children and not yours. And I wouldn't want to be with one of those.

Daisy12Maisie · 18/10/2020 00:23

I'm going to have to ignore my 11 year old most of the day tomorrow as I've got work to catch up on. I've explained this to him. He is fine and will do his homework and game. We will have a break for lunch together then eat our evening meal together.
It's real life so you cant be with children all the time as there are things to do. He loves having his own time anyway. If I want to watch Netflix in the evening on my own and relax then I will. I never ever game with my children because I dont want to.
We are a close family. We are happy. No idea why step mums are not allowed to just get on with normal life. Relaxing, housework, other friends and family, work.

Devlesko · 18/10/2020 00:28

His kids he looks after them, surely?
Why do men palm their kids off all the time, it's awful.

Devlesko · 18/10/2020 00:38

Dear God tell me you don't do their washing and cook meals?
What does he do for them.
Could you not see why he was the ex of the mother of his children?

crimsonlake · 18/10/2020 00:46

This has given me the rage, they are his children ffs!
Tell him to look after them!

Cocomarine · 18/10/2020 00:47

Fuck that shit.

I “ignored” my 11yo for 2 solid hours today as I was watching Netflix and she was drawing in another room.
When I went to show a (genuine!) interest, she told me to come back later as she wanted to finish it before I saw it.

I honestly find it hard to understand how that wouldn’t have escalated to the mother of all relationship ending rows. I wouldn’t have backed down without an apology from him. Dickhead.

As with another poster, I seriously hope you haven’t held back your earning potential to be the run running all those school runs for him...

DeeCeeCherry · 18/10/2020 00:50

Sounds like his first wife had a lucky escape. Bet she thinks thank God he's gone. He's a CF and a user into the bargain. I'm surprised you're not wondering where he is, when he goes out on contact days and leaves you with his DCs. He knows for sure you'll be at home, doesn't he? Stuck with his DCs and safely out of the way.

I'd be thinking 'affair' but then again, maybe I wouldn't bother amyself about it as I couldn't be asked to be with a dictator who has decreed you are lucky to be around his DCs and they should be the centre of your world. When they're not even the centre of his world. If someone takes him off your hands they'll be doing you a major favour.

Good luck - He sounds like a pain in the arse. If you stay playing babysitter/childminder you'll get no thanks for it. As you can see. You should have nipped this in the bud before.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/10/2020 00:54

He's not management. You're not staff.

I'd be saying that's that for favours. No drop offs, no pick ups, no minding them. If you're so crap he can do it, while gazing adoringly at them 24/7.

Jenny70 · 18/10/2020 01:03

I think he needs a major reality check.

The contact time is to spend time with him, not you. If it is important to him that they are engaged and stimulated constantly it is his role to do it, or he can pay a babysitter. Your role is not one of unpaid babysitter, un-appreciated parent.

They have a mother and a father, they do the parenting. A step parent cares for them, but not parents them.

nachthexe · 18/10/2020 01:07

What was he doing? I mean, it sounds like he was def U, but if he had just been settling in to a nice Saturday morning laze about on the sofa when you presented him with a shopping list and told him to get on with it, or he’d taken your car to get that irritating banging noise looked at because you said you couldn’t drive it until you knew what it was, then he was probably a bit pissy that you’d ruined his family day of doing fuck all with his kids...
It doesn’t sound like a bitch about the nannying service. What’s he really pissy about?

BloggersBlog · 18/10/2020 01:12

So what did he say when you called him on his BS?

Closetbeanmuncher · 18/10/2020 01:13

Where was he OP whilst you were babysitting?

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 18/10/2020 01:32

You should tell him that you aren't his babysitter. Most kids that age would get very bored of having an adult in the room with them at all times, particularly a step mother while their dad goes off out. I wouldn't suggest having kids yourself with this man if it's on the cards, sounds like he'd think you were going to look after it all the time and insist on family outings with everyone so he could play super dad. His custody time, his kids, he shouldn't be bossing you about about what you do with them when he leaves them with you so long as everybody's safe and you're good to them.

SpilltheTea · 18/10/2020 01:36

He is absolutely ridiculous. What a hypocrite thinking you should spend every second with his kids, yet he can fuck off out whenever he pleases. I'd tell him he can forget babysitting services in the future with that attitude.

Didkdt · 18/10/2020 02:17

I'm curious if he was out how did he even know how you spent the time it all sounds a bit weird

myshoelaces · 18/10/2020 03:55

He thinks women are responsible for children 100% of the time, even when they're not your own children. He's a misogynistic wank. Leave him and let him look after his own kids. (Bet you he takes them to his mum's.)

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/10/2020 04:41

As he thinks his dcs still need entertaining at this age, I am wondering now much time he actually spends with them. It sounds like not a lot as he would know At 9 and 11 they don’t want to be glued to a parent. Frankly he doesn’t seem to know them at all.

Fortunategirl · 18/10/2020 05:28

Do you really want to be with somebody like this? Don’t you want better for yourself?

chatwoo · 18/10/2020 05:39

The irony of him pulling you up on this, on HIS children's contact day, when he was out... What other use does he think the contact day serves? I really hope you pointed this out to him with a sharp stick.

Be out the next time. If he asks why you don't want to spend time with his children, tell him it's about time he interacted with them and you're off out shopping / strawberry picking / .

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