Mum says she wishes she never had children as 'life was better without them'

[toothfairy73]

I have just seen this headline in a Newspaper. A anonymous mum has written this letter stating the above.

apple.news/A7zR8oawtR6OFxqP2tijb6g

What are your thoughts? I'm sure we have all had moments where we miss our old lives. It sounds like it is written by someone deeply unhappy and in need of some support. AIBU to think this is someone who is desperate for a bit of time alone and some support?What do you think?

I don't regret having my DD but I wish she was easier. Sometimes I think she has something wrong with her or maybe I'm just a bad parent I don't know. I do think I made the right choice in partner as my OH is a stay at home Dad so at least I got something right.

Duggeehugs82

Whilst I am sympathetic to your experience, I really am. It doesn't negate the validity of the statememt.

Your life doesn't need to end with having a child. You can carry on exploring the world together

Cool story

@Sarahpaula

What I just don't understand sometimes is the lack of empathy for children.

If you look at Mumsnet:

There are so , so many threads about

"I suffered really bad child abuse"
"My mother was a terrible mother"
"My mother was a distant mother.

There are so many threads on here from women saying that they had terrible childhoods, terrible mothers and awful lives.

So many.

Yet then you have threads like these, where women are repeating the exact same mistakes of their mothers.

If you know that a distant, cruel, uncaring mother does a lot of damage to a person's life, why are you then doing the same to your child? You know the pain it will cause them.

A mother does not have to scream and shout to hurt the child. There are plenty of threads on here from women who felt they had a terrible childhoods because their mothers were distant, unemotional, neglectful.

It is like the cycle of abuse keeps continuing.

I dont know why u assume there is lack of empathy for the children.

@BreathlessCommotion

Apologies if my comment has upset you, I don't have it as difficult.

You have my respect.

@Emeraldshamrock

I would never say it but definitely feel it at times. DC are selfish and thankless it swings in a round about within hours of thinking my life is shit I'm thinking I love the bones off them.

They can be, OTOH I've been really feeling down today and my eldest made lunch for the family and called my dh and asked him to bring home take-out.

[quote Gobbycop]@BewilderedDoughnut

You can't do it all in 4 lifetimes let alone decades.

But what I have done up until now I'm happy with. It's been pretty full which I've no need to bore anyone with.

Your life doesn't need to end with having a child. You can carry on exploring the world together.[/quote]
I think that only happens if you have a partner that actually sees you as an equal and is happy to support you.
Otherwise, your time going exploring the world with dc in tow can quickly become a nightmare.

So ye sin paper this is true. This was my starting point.
In reality... struggled with PND and AND. No support from DH. And a second child that would not sleep anywhere else than his own bed until he was much older.

Somehow it stopped me from wanting to ‘go and explore’.
That’s of course so talking about the financial side and the fact you have much less disposable income available.

Duggeehugs82

Sorry if that sounded glib, it certainly wasn't supposed to.

If I could have my time all again, I'd do exactly the same. My DC are fantastic and have enriched my life in so many ways. But DH and I discussed every aspect of having them before getting pregnant. We were financially secure and we pitch in equally. I do think too many children are born when people haven't considered beyond the 'cute baby' stage. I find it sad to see how many people wouldn't have had them but do.

@Meuniere I’m very passionate about women being about to talk frankly and openly about their experiences. I’d never judge another mum. I think almost anything can be a taboo with women talking! Happy-boasting, sad-bad mother, enthusiasm-pushy, struggling-feckless. Whatever you do or feel you can be judged in some way by someone. So yes, it’s good if everyone can talk.

*formerbabe

Your life doesn't need to end with having a child. You can carry on exploring the world together

Cool story*

Isn't it?

Personally unless u r a special needs parent u have absolutely no idea what it is like, yes u can empathize but u truly have no idea.

@formerbabe

It's cool story bro, if you're trying to impress with an edgy insult.

@Goosefoot That was really nice I hope you feel a bit better soon.
You can't beat a good hug from your DC when your feeling down, it is overwhelming the love you give and you feel in return from them.

Duggeehugs82

Of course. I have no idea, but I bet it is harder than I can imagine. Sadder too.
I am sorry thay life is so unfair for both you and your DC. It shouldn't be.

I don't know if I regret having them, but it is hard. I miss life before them. My oldest is 7 and has autism, and I worry about him and every day is challenging in some way. I'm also much more shouty than I want to be and so is my husband, and we're both pretty laid back people I worry about my sons future and I worry about messing them up!

@KylieKangaroo How old is she? They balance out eventually on their journey of madness.

This reminds me of the scene in Bridget Jones when he Mum says if she had her time again she wouldn’t have kids.
I found motherhood difficult when they were younger and occasionally craved my old life. Although I wasn’t a single mother I was very much on my own, husband quite detached and no grandparents in the country. Also when they were at nursery the first time I’d had money worries since I was a student. Now they’re older I’m so glad I have them, although I still worry about them.

I have been really struggling today with coming to terms with my daughters condition, i was in a coffee shop with her and near us was a mum and her child similar age to my daughter. She was telling her mum about her milkshake. While i had my daughter on my lap rocking and chewing a baby toy. This is my life and im allowed to be sad about not having the same experience as the mum in front of me today. This thread hasnt helped.

For me,having kids later in life would have been worse. I’d still encounter all of the issues I had first time wise (non financial) but I’d be older and have less energy.
Also having a child with SN is more stressful when you are older and contemplating their future.

@Duggeehugs82

My Mum told me she tried the gin and hot bath treatment when she found she was pregnant with me - thanks Mum - that made me feel good!

This reminds me of the scene in Bridget Jones when her Mum says if she had her time again she wouldn’t have kids.
I found motherhood difficult when they were younger and occasionally craved my old life. Although I wasn’t a single mother, I was very much on my own, husband quite detached and no grandparents in the country. Also when they were at nursery it was the first time I’d had money worries since I was a student. Now they’re older I’m so glad I have them, although I still worry about them.

I am right at the other extreme, obviously it takes all sorts. I think I would not survived without them and not for a second, even when parenting was at its most relentless, exhausting and worrying, did I think it was anything other than a huge privilege and the best thing I could ever be doing.

@Duggeehugs82 Of course you are. your feelings are very valid you are entitled to mourn the life you planned.
I hope things get easier for you and DD.