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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:

thinkofablinkingnamewoman · 14/08/2020 20:45

Got to admit I'd be cross even at the best of times. Make sure he actually does all the prep!

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2020 20:47

Meh, it’s annoying and he should have asked you first, but I’d personally mot get my arse in my hands over it. But I like hosting and having guests.

Pretenditsaplan · 14/08/2020 20:47

Dont forget to check qhere theyre flying from. The places you have to quarantine from changed last night

Motoko · 14/08/2020 20:47

God no! He should have discussed it with you first, not just told you she's staying. And so soon after you've just got back from holiday too.

He's the one being unreasonable here.

amicissimma · 14/08/2020 20:48

If DH did this without consulting me I'd be spending tomorrow night in a Travelodge and going there straight from work. I'd send a message around dinner time apologising that I was delayed and probably wouldn't be back that night then switch my phone off.

Your DH can be kind to his colleague and you can be kind to you.

Original poster

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:48

Yeah I like hosting but not overnight guests! Hate it! He knows this but thinks I’m antisocial..!

Wouldn’t mind if it was close friends but work colleague and teenage son?!

OP posts:

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 20:50

I'd bunk off and leave if I could. And leave him with the kids. Fuck that. He won't be so 'kind' next time. Also it may be a no go if they're coming from a place where they need to quarantine.

ZenZebra · 14/08/2020 20:50

Bit cheeky of the colleague to ask to come in the first place when they're not even close friends. Are you sure it wasn't your DH's idea to invite them?

Either way, yes I'd be bloody annoyed.

Original poster

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:51

They quarantined when they got here (from the US to Ireland) then they’ve been seeing family in the U.K.

I am tempted to book in to a hotel!

OP posts:

Clymene · 14/08/2020 20:53

Are they flying out or back? Either way, I'd be really fucked off

Original poster

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:54

They’re flying back to the US on Sunday. They did the quarantine on arrival. We live close to Heathrow and he said she did say she would stay in a hotel and see us for dinner but he wanted to be nice and offer them a place to stay 🙄:

OP posts:

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 20:58

@Delatron

They quarantined when they got here (from the US to Ireland) then they’ve been seeing family in the U.K.

I am tempted to book in to a hotel!

WTF? NFW. They just flew in from Ireland? He's being a real knob here. Temped to book? Just GO. Let him be social and kind. I'd make sure he cleaned it all up, too. She's cheeky AF to even ask, especially at a time like this. He needs to get the message that it's not on to just make de facto decisions that effect you, too. I'd book a hotel and tell him as I walked out the door.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 20:59

@Delatron

Then he hosts them entirely.

Griefmonster · 14/08/2020 21:00

Why are they staying with DH and not a hotel?! I would find this request odd at this for family, Never mind a friend and just plain weird for a colleague.

Is it to discuss work? Maximise time when they're both in same country? In which case why doesn't he just join her at her hotel for dinner or something?!

Original poster

Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:00

I think they flew in from Ireland a week or so ago not too sure. But yes very tempted with the hotel. Mainly as I’m so cross with him I don’t think I can put an act on and be a good hostess tomorrow!

OP posts:

Original poster

Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:01

I guess they’ve worked together for years so he sees her as a friend. But not a close friend.

OP posts:

Original poster

Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:02

There’s no discussing work, I don’t think they even work on that same accounts anymore. He just wants ‘to be kind’.
Bloody hell.

OP posts:

PersonaNonGarter · 14/08/2020 21:03

Super weird. He should cancel.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 21:04

@Delatron

They are supposed to have quarantined for 2 weeks. Don't be very tempted, do it! He'll think twice about being kind and shit when he's left doing all the work. My DH used to do this with dinner guests. After a few times of coming home to an empty house (I'd take the kids and just leave), he ran it by me first because I'm not running a fucking drop-in restaurant and I'm not a chef.

Leeds2 · 14/08/2020 21:04

If I were you, I would get up in the morning and take myself to a nice hotel where I would stay until Sunday evening. Maybe put one load of laundry in before you go, and tell DH to make sure he takes it out when it is done. Let him deal with the collecting from the airport/cooking/hosting. He has been very unreasonable just greeting to this without asking you beforehand, especially when you have just got back from holiday.

Original poster

Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:06

He will be doing everything. But even with that I’m still furious as I feel he is putting us all at risk. Plus I’m knackered and don’t want to socialise tomorrow and have people in my house.

I haven’t had friends over to stay yet who I haven’t seen in months. Yet some work friend is fine.

OP posts:

AliceinBunnyland · 14/08/2020 21:06

Why should you have to leave your home?

This is not acceptable OP. I'd tell him he needs to tell them he hadn't considered it properly and it is not okay given coronavirus risk so that cannot stay and if he doesn't then you will have to tell them at the door there has been a misunderstanding. Surely he won't take that chance?

Why do they even want to stay over anyway?!

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2020 21:07

Blimey, I’m surprised he did this if he knows you don’t like over night guests.

Personally I’d have done as he did and not have thought twice and would welcome my husbands colleagues too, we live near Gatwick. But if either of us was anti social and didn’t like over night guests to the extent you don’t, we wouldn’t do it.

You are who you are and he knows this, so either he needs to rescind the invite or you need to book into a local hotel for the night if you can’t cope with it.

katy1213 · 14/08/2020 21:08

Why don't you just message them and tell the truth; that your husband didn't ask and you're not comfortable with it?
Seems tough that you'll be in the Travelodge not them! Don't let your husband off lightly if they do come - all sheets/towels/cooking and don't forget a jolly good cleaning up after they've gone.

Original poster

Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:09

He does keep saying in a cross voice ‘well I’ll just cancel them shall I and tell them they they can’t come?’

Then I’m the bad guy as he just wants to do something nice and I’m so horrible and hostile.

OP posts:

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