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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 21:43

@Horehound

It doesn't matter if I'm in the minority really.. seems like there's a lot of selfish, unaccommodating people out there. Quite sad really.

As it's already been said, she didn't invite herself your husband offered. And it is only a question, it's hardly a big deal if she did ask.
I don't get what the problem is.

As I said, it's nice to be nice. I can't imagine being so hostile

It sure doesn't. They haven't self-isolated for 2 weeks after arriving from the US. They shouldn't be going anywhere.
Bluntness100 · 14/08/2020 21:43

What’s going on here. She didn’t invite herself, you literally said she offered to stay in a hotel and your husband invited her because he wished to be nice.

Look op. You do you. Be furious. Be rude to her. Go you.

Hodge00079 · 14/08/2020 21:43

I wonder if they actually want to stay. Perhaps they would prefer to stay in a hotel but didn’t want to appear rude.

I don’t blame you for having nothing to do with dinner etc. Let DH sort it. Perhaps he might think twice next time.

Shouldn’t have to but I suppose if it was too awkward you could go to bed early with a headache.

Topsy44 · 14/08/2020 21:44

YANBU. I would hate that after coming back from holiday.

slatternissima · 14/08/2020 21:44

Maybe it's a personality thing, OP.

I have never turned a hair at people coming to stay, whether they be my friends or my teenage/adult children's friends. So long as they're not expecting five-star hotel treatment and are happy to muck in a bit, that's fine by me.

I do know, though, that other people would find this stressful.

Each to their own and all that.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 21:45

Yeah, break quarantine rules. Get fined. Get sick. Cool.

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2020 21:45

I wonder if they actually want to stay

Well if they do now they certainly won’t wish to the next time.

Horehound · 14/08/2020 21:45

Clearly we are social butterflies @Bluntness100 :)

I personally go by the mantra "I'll sleep when I'm dead"
It's fun doing things off the cuff.

Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:46

@Bluntness100 she messaged to ask if she could come over and stay for dinner and stay over but if we were busy and it was too short notice she could get a hotel.

Like she asked to stay last week too.
She contacted DH.

OP posts:
Cyberattack · 14/08/2020 21:47

I think it's your husband's home too and he should be allowed invite guests to stay. What if you invited someone to stay and he vetoed it? Everyone would be saying he is being controlling!!

Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:47

Yeah @InDeoEstMeaFiducia I know right.

So rude of me to put my families health at risk. But we can all sleep when we’re dead right? Are you actually a teenager? You do know being a social butterfly doesn’t automatically make you better mannered?

OP posts:
slatternissima · 14/08/2020 21:48

Just thinking a little bit. So much is based on our own experiences as well as our personalities.

I'd say it was bad manners to make someone feel unwelcome. You, OP (and others) would say it was bad manners for this woman to accept your husband's invitation. Who knows which is really 'bad manners'? It's all in the eye of the beholder.

If someone wants to come to my house, I can't imagine any scenario in which I would not genuinely welcome them (including all my batty and sometimes very rude relatives - the rude ones are very funny, if you can take it that way). However, I know that this would horrify other people.

I do, however, think that good manners means making the guest - even if you didn't invite them! - feel comfortable.

FizzAfterSix · 14/08/2020 21:48

So glad I’m not married. YANBU

Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:49

Sort the last part of that message was to @Horehound and her ridiculous’we can sleep when we are dead’. How appropriate right now...

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/08/2020 21:49

@Motoko

God no! He should have discussed it with you first, not just told you she's staying. And so soon after you've just got back from holiday too.

He's the one being unreasonable here.

This!

How dare he let them stay without asking you how you feel about it - and how dare she ask to stopover?

I wouldn't dream of asking a work colleague if I could park myself and child on them overnight, and expect to be fed etc (though I know someone who would)

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 21:49

[quote Delatron]@Bluntness100 she messaged to ask if she could come over and stay for dinner and stay over but if we were busy and it was too short notice she could get a hotel.

Like she asked to stay last week too.
She contacted DH.[/quote]
So tell him to cancel it. They shouldn't be going anywhere. Fucking hell. But you're supposed to welcome them with open arms because DH doesn't give a fuck if they bring the virus and are breaking the government policy which can result in the fine (must have lied on the forms, we had to complete a 2 page form for each member travelling, and they checked!).

scubadive · 14/08/2020 21:49

Get your DH to say you’re a bit concerned about overnight guests with Covid situation but would love to host them outdoors for an early meal, (is in the local pub beer garden.

That way none is offended and you can relax at night and have your needed lie in.

I’m with you, love entertaining but absoluteLy hate overnight guests. I’m also a really light Sleeper and can’t relax with others in the house. I sleep worse, stress about disturb others getting up in the night, , am shattered in the morning and then have the beds to change, if she offered to stay in a hotel then DH should have agreed.

Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:49

Don’t worry @Cyberattack he is always inviting people over to stay.

It’s just we are in the middle of a global pandemic and we haven’t been having guests.

OP posts:
Horehound · 14/08/2020 21:50

Yep, deffo childish.

HeronLanyon · 14/08/2020 21:51

What a mess !!
Feel sorry for everyone other than your stupid dh - what on earth was he thinking. Why not ‘why don’t we meet up for dinner at your hotel (yuck?) if that suits or somewhere close‘ - he must know he’s been a dolt.
I really don’t understand those who think you are being unreasonable op.
Covid alone is reason enough for this to be a stupid idea.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 21:51

@Cyberattack

I think it's your husband's home too and he should be allowed invite guests to stay. What if you invited someone to stay and he vetoed it? Everyone would be saying he is being controlling!!
Everyone would be reminding her that they haven't quarantined the full 2 weeks in Ireland. And anyway, it appears people missed the coming from the US part, JFC, the way MN posters usually carry on about travel to the US you'd think it's not happening or should be happening at all, EVER, until there's a vaccine and everyone's had it.
Whenwillthisbeover · 14/08/2020 21:51

He’s a dick. DH did this to me once, and only once. Invited a work colleague + wife for the weekend who I’d never met without a tad of consideration for the amount of work involved for me and the awkwardness of strangers in the house.

I was incensed.

Never did it again.

Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:52

Yes @scubadive I can’t sleep well with overnight guests. I’m shattered from an active holiday and spent this morning stripping beds and tidying our holiday cottage at 7am.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 14/08/2020 21:52

I would tell him you will be staying in a hotel.

Namechange2020onceagain · 14/08/2020 21:53

Have some people forgotten that there is a pandemic? I thought you were not supposed to be staying overnight with randoms that have been on air planes breathing in and catching what every other crazy for travelling now person on that plane has.

Even without that, the last thing I would want to do is host someone I have never met after just getting back from holiday.

Get him to cancel. Is it worth the risk to your families health?