Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

[Delatron]

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

@Delatron

I enjoy having people over to dinner and socialising and we do this lots. But yes if he feels that not having overnight guests is dealbreaker in his life then no we are not compatible. Just to be clear though we host and have people over at least once a fortnight. I don’t want to be painted as antisocial because I don’t like frequent overnight guests!

Blimey! I manage about 1 a year!

Much prefer going out.

Once a fortnight is a lot of entertaining with work and children by most people's standards I would have thought.

OP, I certainly don't think you are unreasonable not wanting visitors early on sunday morning.

I think your husband should be looking at an outside coffee/meal too.

Visitors are work. No matter how much you like them.
Overnight ones with the reconfiguration of bedrooms even more so.

Having children definitely sapped my interest in hosting overnighters.

@Vodkacranberryplease Projecting a lot of anger on her, perhaps you indeed are another CF who invites herself to someone else's house, expecting to be fully fed and watered and bedded with 24 hours notice.

There's no way this is just about an overnight guest and a breakfast. It absolutely is.

@Horehound My family have people round for breakfast so to me what your husband is doing isn't bad. It's really not about you, what a close-minded narrative, shake yourself, we are all different, just because your family does it... ffs

@Delatron

No it’s not going to be in the garden. It’s 9.30am in a Sunday and I had other plans.

Yes to be honest I don’t want lots of people inside my house every week at the moment.

I don’t think it’s controlling to check whether I’m free before he invites people over.

It should be in the garden. Outside.
Gov guidance is a little vague but you shouldn't be having meals inviting others over into your home 'sharing food', be only two households and social distance, unless they are in your support bubble. Why on earth would your DH ignore the fact we are in a pandemic and increase risk to you and DC by inviting multiple people inside your home - when he could easily meet them out somewhere or limit it to garden

www.gov.uk/guidance/meeting-people-from-outside-your-household-from-4-july

to be honest I don’t want lots of people inside my house every week at the moment.

Me neither. Is he trying to turn your house into a COVID hotspot? And as for his comment about wanting to offer a bed for anyone that needs it, WTF is all that about? You’re not the YMCA or Premier Inn. He sounds like an overgrown student. And yes I have RTFT and am still #TeamDelatron!

@coffeepot72

[quote eveningfalls]**@Horehound* My family have people round for breakfast so to me what your husband is doing isn't bad.* It's really not about you, what a close-minded narrative, shake yourself, we are all different, just because your family does it... ffs[/quote]
And yet her husband does it. So why is it not just about her but about him too?

How did it go this morning OP? I hope you were able to stick to your own plans and haven't had to lift a finger.

It's a one off. It'll be nice to see friends. You can lie in another Sunday. It's a kind thing to do. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Yes well slight compromise. He moved them back until 10. I went for a run 8.30-9.30 so a bit earlier than planned and a bit shorter.
He did all tidying and making of breakfast and tidied up after. But I had to leave at 11.30 to go to dog training when they were still here.

He knows to check next time.

He needs to be centrally involved in any further entertaining.
If he isn't, absent yourself.
He's well able to do it, but he chooses to be a lazy waster.
I hope you are seeing him for who he is and take this opportunity to change the dynamic.

No more entertaining without being consulted.
Absent yourself if it happens.
No more entertaining AT ALL if he doesn't pitch it and do his share.
Personally, I wouldn't do any if my husband didn't help.
I'm no longer that pushed about it, despite enjoying it when the work is done!

We used to entertain a huge amount but life and busy children got in the way.
Any downtime became infinitely more precious and I became very selective of whom I would go to the effort for🤣

Good for you! And he has to do the housework around guests unless they are invited by both of you and agreed in advance!

And Sunday is very much a day where you have a lie in and do what you want. You shouldn't have to haul yourself up at 8.30!

Reading this, I'm just so grateful to have married someone who is as rarely motivated to hosts guests as I am! This all sounds so exhausting, and there are so many more enjoyable things to do!

I hope you're eventually able to get through to him that you're not being miserable or unreasonable for not wanting to go to great effort to host people on short notice (especially overnight). It sounds like he still hasn't fully accepted that his way isn't "right", and he's the poor, put-upon, would-be gracious host thwarted by a wife who for some strange reason doesn't enjoy it as much as he does.

@Yerroblemom1923

It's a one off. It'll be nice to see friends. You can lie in another Sunday. It's a kind thing to do. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Its not a one-off though. It's another in a long series of unilateral invitations

I will put my foot down more in the future.

Less than a week after the initial issue,

slight compromise. He moved them back until 10.

smh He is STILL disrespecting you and you are still acting like a doormat. He says "I'll tell them not to come then" - know what your answer is to that? "Yes, can you call them and cancel please". Why do people come on here and ask for advice when they are going to ignore it and let a a controlling man over-ride them? Like bloody hell they'd be coming if I were you. Oh, 30 mins 'compromise'. Why come on here if you are just going to carry on being a doormat and not put your foot down? Your resolve lasted less than a week. If it were me, he'd be phoning to cancel, or I would. NO COMPROMISES. But you will continue to let him invite anyone and everyone over and in a year or 2s time you will still have the same complaint. If you don't change, nothing will change. That's the frustrating thing about this site people who will not be assertive and say no! They are not coming! End of story. If you are happy to live like this, fine, but be upfront about not wanting to lay down the line and having no qualms about rolling over if DH chucks you a 30 minute 'compromise'.

What’s wrong with everyone,,,
It’s a bloody global pandemic WHY would you have some one other than close family in your bubble to STAY
Say No twits

I have RTFT and agree your DH is basically an idiot first for not running plans to host through you as it is your hour house too and secondly for exposing you and your kids to lots of people when we should all still be social distancing. My DD is coming to visit this week and she has actually had a Covid test done to make sure she is clear. I bet your DHs rude friend or breakfast guests did not do that. Why doesn't he meet them in a restaurant somewhere? Does he stay overnight at his friends? He sounds exhausting to be around if he is so determined to surround himself with people constantly. I hope he takes note of your concerns and stops trying to act like the big man hosting all and sundry. He must have struggled over lockdown unless he broke the rules.