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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
saltycat · 14/08/2020 21:53

Cannot understand these threads at all, and why people would want to stay in someone's house either.

I would say NO to the freeloaders.

Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:54

No it’s not worth the risk but some posters seem to think I’m rude and childish.

Think they’ve forgotten about the global pandemic.

OP posts:
Tonkerbea · 14/08/2020 21:54

I bet he's always inviting people because he doesn't have to share the mental load of making sure guests are fed, watered and comfortable.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 21:55

@Delatron

No it’s not worth the risk but some posters seem to think I’m rude and childish.

Think they’ve forgotten about the global pandemic.

And that these people originated in a country that requires two weeks quarantine which they have not done.
Rainbowqueeen · 14/08/2020 21:55

Is your DH cross because you are expecting him to do the actual hosting preparing and cleaning up?? Do you normally do all that??
I’d be telling him in future that no invitations are to be issued or requests to be agreed to without a discussion between you two. That’s basic respect and kindness

And he is in sole charge if it’s someone you don’t know. That might focus his mind

Namechange2020onceagain · 14/08/2020 21:57

Well I would tell DH that someone is going to be staying at a hotel!

Cuteypye · 14/08/2020 21:57

I can only think that those saying the op is being unfair are those who think that there has been too much fuss over Covid and the guidelines are unnecessary!

YA(definitely)NBU. Your ‘d’h is completely out of order. I could have understood if it had been close friends or family (would still have said no though), but this is a work colleague, who has been spending time visiting family. That could be a lot of people, who may not have been following the guidelines! Does your ‘d’h not realise the risks in having these people in your house? Tell him yes, he does need to cancel!

Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 21:58

He’ll be cross if I make him cancel them.

He’s trying to be nice and saying he’ll do everything but last time I left him to do that I don’t think he’d even put clean sheets in the spare bed. He won’t clean the bathroom. He wouldn’t think to check if we have enough clean towels..

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/08/2020 21:59

Think this thread has just reminded me that mumsnet is full of folks who don’t answer their doors or phones, don’t have friends, and think having guests is tantamount to torture.

Someone even posted they could not understand why you’d wish to stay in someone else’s home, and called the poor Sods free loaders. I stay with friends regularly and have them stay with me.

We do it because we like socialising together and having a few drinks. It’s actually perfectly normal.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 22:00

@Delatron

He’ll be cross if I make him cancel them.

He’s trying to be nice and saying he’ll do everything but last time I left him to do that I don’t think he’d even put clean sheets in the spare bed. He won’t clean the bathroom. He wouldn’t think to check if we have enough clean towels..

So let him be cross. They're breaking the policy. That's dangerous.

As for the rest, you need to just let that go. Let him crack on with it and if he's shit at it so what. In normal times, that is. This is not one of those times.

Horehound · 14/08/2020 22:01

Yes, some may say it's actually.... Dun dun dun...fun!

Shocking. I know.

Namechange2020onceagain · 14/08/2020 22:02

Seriously fuck that. He was expecting you to do all the work wasn't he. Fuck it, let him be cross. I would out cross him though. Grin

My DH used to do this shit when we first met. I admit that I am antisocial and an introvert. He is too but has a problem saying no to people. I am now the bad guy. Grin

inlectorecumbit · 14/08/2020 22:02

Make him a list of all the things he needs ro do including shopping and cooking
Make your excuses with a terrible migraine and take to your bed.
Work friend will never ask again
Result

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 22:02

@Horehound

Yes, some may say it's actually.... Dun dun dun...fun!

Shocking. I know.

Yes, some may say it's actually . . . Dun dun dun . . . against the law and could land the person with a big fine and make the entire family sick!

Shocking. I know.

HeronLanyon · 14/08/2020 22:02

Have I gone mad ? Just checked gov.uk and support bubbles are in fact still a thing and you’ve had your parents to stay. Even if her son is under 18 what on Earth is going on ? Are they suddenly your bubble ? What about your poor parents ? Isn’t this all just ignoring the Covid regs anyway ???

Coronacurls · 14/08/2020 22:03

OP - I'm totally with you! This is exactly the kind of shit my DH would do, and say he will do all the work but not clean properly etc.

You totally have my sympathy and definitely stay in bed. Are they expecting a lift to the airport as well??

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 22:04

@HeronLanyon

Have I gone mad ? Just checked gov.uk and support bubbles are in fact still a thing and you’ve had your parents to stay. Even if her son is under 18 what on Earth is going on ? Are they suddenly your bubble ? What about your poor parents ? Isn’t this all just ignoring the Covid regs anyway ???
Yes, if the colleague and her son have not self-isolated for 2 weeks in Ireland, which from what the OP says, they have not.
Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 22:06

So I’ve told him that it’s too risky in the middle of a pandemic when they have been travelling all over visiting family. His answer ‘well we had your parents to stay’ who live 300 miles away and I hadn’t seen for 5 months. Yes that’s the same.

He says he’ll cancel them in the morning and looks all pissed off. And yes I know a couple of posters will think this is rude but I’d actually rather keep my family safe than accommodate my husband’s work colleague.. if that’s rude then so be it.

I love hosting dinners and parties by the way. It’s just having overnight guests. It’s a lot of work and DH rarely helps. I will do it for family and close friends. But not people I barely know.

OP posts:
Clymene · 14/08/2020 22:06

@HeronLanyon

Have I gone mad ? Just checked gov.uk and support bubbles are in fact still a thing and you’ve had your parents to stay. Even if her son is under 18 what on Earth is going on ? Are they suddenly your bubble ? What about your poor parents ? Isn’t this all just ignoring the Covid regs anyway ???
You may not have gone mad but you can have people from another household to stay overnight as long as you maintain social distancing

www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do

See 2.5

HeronLanyon · 14/08/2020 22:07

Surely even if they had self isolated !? Her parents have stayed. You can’t mix bubbles still.

HeronLanyon · 14/08/2020 22:07

So wrong and mad ! Hmm I read it differently.

Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 22:08

You are allowed to stay overnight with one other household? So my parents staying was fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 14/08/2020 22:09

Sorry my parents stayed back in mid July. Once the restrictions were removed. This is irrelevant!

OP posts:
InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 22:10

@Delatron

So I’ve told him that it’s too risky in the middle of a pandemic when they have been travelling all over visiting family. His answer ‘well we had your parents to stay’ who live 300 miles away and I hadn’t seen for 5 months. Yes that’s the same.

He says he’ll cancel them in the morning and looks all pissed off. And yes I know a couple of posters will think this is rude but I’d actually rather keep my family safe than accommodate my husband’s work colleague.. if that’s rude then so be it.

I love hosting dinners and parties by the way. It’s just having overnight guests. It’s a lot of work and DH rarely helps. I will do it for family and close friends. But not people I barely know.

Well tough shit for him. What they're doing can actually result in a hefty fine or worse. And yes, they are checking at the borders. We came via Europe (one of the air bridges) at the end of July and they checked, you had to complete forms (you could complete them online), they also asked at immigration/passport control where you'd been the past 2 weeks and again after we got our bags and were going through customs.
FizzyGreenWater · 14/08/2020 22:10

Fucking hell.

No, the rude one is the person who invites people to stay without checking that's ok with the OTHER PERSON WHO LIVES THERE.

No. Just a flat no.

Have some fucking manners and sense and ask next time.

I wouldn't give a shit how pissed off he would be. It would be nothing compared to how pissed off I'd already be, so fine!

And YES I would be more than happy for him to say 'So sorry, I didn't even think to check that my wife is ok with having strangers to stay while there is still a pandemic on when we've only just got home ourselves, funnily enough she isn't comfortable with it at all.'