To ask for funny things you've heard from next door gardens?

[HotdogwithKetchup]

We've been out a lot with DC in the garden the past few days and have been hearing more of our neighbours that we usually would! Outer London so tiny suburban gardens.

The single guy behind us has moved his home "office" into the garden and is conducting all his work calls there in bad-tempered French. I can hear him sighing when our youngest shouts, "Need a wee" or screams in the paddling-pool but he hasn't said anything yet which I'm grateful for.

The neighbour behind on the other side is doing some sort of DIY project...So drills, sawing, hammering. I can hear single French guy sighing audibly at this too. I'm on his side if he murders the guy . But he might come for us first...

Next to us we have two older girls (around 11 and 8). They've been building a shelter using sheets in the garden, but the oldest (who is very...assertive!) is convinced the youngest one is doing it all wrong. She knows, you see, since she's been doing Guides and they do shelters all the time .

The other side is flats, one of which is empty and for sale. We never see the upstairs resident. I'm not sure he really exists. Nothing from downstairs today, but over the past few weeks I've enjoyed eavesdropping on the estate agent's sales talk in the garden.

All fairly mundane. Has anyone as nosy as me heard anything really interesting?

We heard a young boy yell 'I don't want to die like this!' in an anguished voice.

Turns out it was the neighbour's son playing Fortnite with his bedroom window open...

Heard neighbour dad telling his 20 year old DC that it wasn't a good idea to invite random guys back for the night. DC responded with "it wasn't a random guy, we met on tinder".

I had to go inside at that point.

Yesterday I heard a mum saying 'Lucas! Wipe your bottom yourself you're a.big boy now!'

Not overhead in the garden but from my garden. I like to sit outside with a drink and a book after work and it coincides with bath time next door. My neighbours are potty training one of their children and they have a song.....

"Don't let the dog in the paddling pool his claws will puncture it!"
2 hours later, screams of:
"Mum there is no water in the paddling pool!"

My neighbours must hear, "put your pants back on" "I don't want to see your willy" and " have you washed your hands" too often

Al

Overheard neighbours arguing about whether or not he'd been having a wank in the bathroom. He was insisting he had just been going for a very long shit.

"That was lovely darling; would you like to play it in tune now?" following an excruciatingly out of tune violin scale - and yes violin practice took place in the garden every day that summer. DH ended up tuning said violin in despair but it didn't really improve matters much.

‘Stop being a twat’ from older sister (12) to younger sister (10).
Mum then shouts from inside ‘Don’t call your sister that!’
To which older sister replies very loudly, ‘But she is a twat!’

I think we're the neighbours in this scenario. DS is potty training and I've exclaimed more than once that he shouldn't poo on the patio.

All we hear from our neighbours is their crappy choice of music.

"Get off the Wendy House roof"
"Don't sit on the dog, he's not a horse"
"Don't fling your pants in the tree"

Not next door but next door but one. Lovely lady but very loud.
She was sat outside with a couple of friends. I went out in time to hear:
‘The thing is John you men talk about your cocks all the time. I’ve had six kids but you don’t hear me discussing the state of my vagina do you?’

Neighbours kid "mummy can't talk right now she's doing a poo"

Quiet village, majority are elderly. Peaceful Sunday afternoon and ”you absolute cunt!” floated across the fence.

We just looked at each other.

“JACOB!!!!! For fucks sake stop it”

Jacob is about 6 and the shouting is from the dad 😦

I dread to the think what our neighbours have heard. Neighbour on one side, the youngest daughter (about 19) redecorated her bedroom during lockdown and we heard her singing along to every song on her Echo. Badly. She only really knew the choruses and went for those with gusto.

To the back of us likes to have karaoke parties when the weather is nice. Heard some interesting renditions of 'A Little Less Conversation' and 'Mr Boombastic'.

Next door, next door but one and I ended up comparing crochet projects over the fence one day.

Guy next door was sawing something and suddenly exclaimed "That's why it's called sawdust! Because it's the dust from when you saw!"

He's a teacher ...

@HotdogwithKetchup sadly I have no contributions to make but thanks for this thread, it's put a smile on my face!

Neighbours told me they had to scuttle into their houses on hearing my DSs complaining about DH’s bossiness:

“Bloody Dadolf “

@AngelicInnocent

Heard neighbour dad telling his 20 year old DC that it wasn't a good idea to invite random guys back for the night. DC responded with "it wasn't a random guy, we met on tinder".

I had to go inside at that point.

This has me laughing so hard, ha ha

@Skybooks

My neighbours must hear, "put your pants back on" "I don't want to see your willy" and " have you washed your hands" too often

Al

The same in our house 😂

@TrickyD

Neighbours told me they had to scuttle into their houses on hearing my DSs complaining about DH’s bossiness:

“Bloody Dadolf “

That's bloody brilliant

my neighbour recently had her 16 year old cousin to stay (neighbour is 24) and the cousin said in a very loud voice from the bedroom - "OMG Holly your tits really are amazing"

"No! Dont put the kitten in the oven!"

Little girl about 5, a couple of doors down, being gently berated to put the ice lolly back in the freezer, because she just ate hers, and the one left was for her little brother after his nap.

Lots of sobbing from little girl with excuses as to why she couldn't do this. In no particular order.

The Freezer was missing.
The freezer was back, but had no room.
The freezer is scary, cant open the door.
Too scared to put the ice lolly back.
Freezer is now terrifying. The ice lolly CAN'T GO BACK.
Little brother told her he doesn't eat ice lollys anymore.