To ask for funny things you've heard from next door gardens?

[HotdogwithKetchup]

We've been out a lot with DC in the garden the past few days and have been hearing more of our neighbours that we usually would! Outer London so tiny suburban gardens.

The single guy behind us has moved his home "office" into the garden and is conducting all his work calls there in bad-tempered French. I can hear him sighing when our youngest shouts, "Need a wee" or screams in the paddling-pool but he hasn't said anything yet which I'm grateful for.

The neighbour behind on the other side is doing some sort of DIY project...So drills, sawing, hammering. I can hear single French guy sighing audibly at this too. I'm on his side if he murders the guy . But he might come for us first...

Next to us we have two older girls (around 11 and 8). They've been building a shelter using sheets in the garden, but the oldest (who is very...assertive!) is convinced the youngest one is doing it all wrong. She knows, you see, since she's been doing Guides and they do shelters all the time .

The other side is flats, one of which is empty and for sale. We never see the upstairs resident. I'm not sure he really exists. Nothing from downstairs today, but over the past few weeks I've enjoyed eavesdropping on the estate agent's sales talk in the garden.

All fairly mundane. Has anyone as nosy as me heard anything really interesting?

Today 18:44 MrsEricBana

Sweet rather than funny was Mr Nextdoor chatting so sweetly to Mrs Nextdoor's elderly relatives, asking them open ended questions, letting them ramble on for a good while then asking the next open ended question and making interested noises all the while. They are very lovely neighbours and was very touching.

Sorry I’ve only just read this but it’s a lovely note to end my birthday on. Life affirming is the phrase. 💐

My neighbour a few weeks ago while chasing her dog round the garden trying to catch him

"Why do keep stealing pens all the time?? You can't write! You don't have any thumbs!"

Also just remembered, I was in the back garden and same neighbours window was open. Her sister arrived and said hello to me as she went in the back door. 2 mins later I heard neighbour shouting "hang on. Be down just now. I'm naked"

😳😳 never did find out if she meant she was coming down stairs naked, or if she wanted her sister to wait as she was currently naked and was putting clothes on before going down 😂😂

Keep going. Great fun. Never heard anything from our neighbours.

Previous neighbour lovely lady in her 20s lived alone. Split up with her partner who used to stay over, started seeing someone else a few weeks later. Ex turns up drunk and crying, shouting up at the bedroom window. New boyfriend leans out and tells him to fuck off...cue ex shouting in pure rage "well I've done her up the arse!"...new boyfriend "well so have I!" I was absolutely crying laughing

My neighbours are very quiet but I am sure they've heard us. The one that made me most laugh is when walking through the woods we spotted some bluebells, I told the children not to pick them as it's illegal. We then had some come up in the garden and my youngest shouted out to her friend 'Don't pick those, those are Mummy's illegal plants!' Goodness knows what they think I am growing.

Dadolf

We have a neighbour with a lawn tractor, retired so has 7 days a week to cut the grass. Cue Saturdays out comes the thing, which breaks down a lot hence lots of restarting, DS was studying for exams, working in a pub, so needed a lie in on a Saturday. He got so fed up with this he opened the window stuck his Marshall speaker out and played national anthems, his favourite was the russian one so that always went on first. Neighbour eventually got the hint.

I heard Bertie... I'm going upstairs to poo now from a garden that backs on to where we are staying at the moment - (the mother telling the child she's going to poo)

In my garden Ethel said dad dad get inside the virus is in our garden, when lock down had just started.
Also same neighbour... Mum says Ethel you really upset dad splashing him like that (she was in the paddling pool dad told her to get out). Get out dry off and come inside to say sorry. Ethel gets out with a but whhhhyyyyy mum goes in Ethel gets back in the pool. Mum said you norty girl I told you to dry off and come and say sorry to dad... Ethel replies I can't now I'm wet again. 😂 they are bloody annoying but they do make me chuckle at times

i love the toddler copying the cat by pooing in the garden!

also mars bars-genius you shold do it everytime theyre out in the garden

Yesterday my neighbours heard my youngest bellow to his brother in our garden ‘You’ll never guess what. Mum’s talking to dad. He’s in the bath and he’s NAKED! She’s just looking at him!!’

Fucking love Dadolf 😁

My toddler is potty training and likes you to sit on the loo when she’s on her potty. She’s also had a huge advance in her vocabulary recently, so we get a running commentary. Earlier today we had:

Mama tiddle. Mama BIG tiddle.

(Yes darling, are you finished?)
MORE TIDDLE MAMA. Sit please. Mama do tiddle.
(I’m fine, I don’t need another one)
MAMA sit, go TIDDLE.

After five minutes of this I realised the window was open...

@Tupperwarelid some of my family are Moldovan and when they speak in Romanian I used to get worried they were arguing as it seemed very loud and cross to me but they were not its just the way the language flows. Therefore your neighbours may well just be discussion what's on TV that night.

This thread has almost made me wish I had closer neighbours, lived in a housing estate for 4 years while fighting for planning permission and couldn't wait to get back to the countryside, I loved listening to the kids playing, opened my garden up to them and provided a gazebo for shade in summer when builders took over the green area but couldn't handle most of the adults, continuously falling out with each other, gossiping, criticising etc. Now all I hear is birdsong in the daytime and foxes etc at night but I still miss the kids having tea parties in my garden.

Just sitting down to eat our tea, heard An almighty scream followed by 'muuuum I got my period'.

My husband just picked his plate up & went inside. I feel about laughing 😂

""Why do keep stealing pens all the time?? You can't write! You don't have any thumbs!"*

For some reason this made me laugh more than any of the others. Did she think the dog would just realise it couldn't write and give her back the pen?

What a brilliant thread! Thank you!
Serin laughed so much!

[quote HotdogwithKetchup]@VictoriousSockPuppet. Is he still with us?

Just. I was going to strangle him, but locked him in a dark cupboard with mice nibbling his toes until I'd calmed down.

Then I queued up again at 6.50am the next day as they were unloading the lorries...

As a sort of reaction to that time, we now keep no less than 150 toilet rolls in the house at all times. DH counted them the other day and suggested we stop buying them for a while. Personally, I think we need more...[/quote]
Class parenting!

P.s. I am much the same with stockpiling pasta. (But without the amusing accompanying story). In fact, I'm sure that's what the p in ptsd stands for

Probs my very outing but.......daughter overheard next door neighbour telling her elderly dad in Spain that she was made redundant this week and will be job hunting. However her and husband are having a week in Croatia leaving Sunday but the boys are being left at home to watch the dogs 😂😂

I once heard the neighbours 17yr old son giving his girlfriend a good seeing to with all the windows open, when his parents had popped out. She was so so loud I had to go inside (roaring with laughter).

Have you tried using a translate app on your phone?

[quote Countarthursgroupie]@Winecrispschocolatecats did you find this out before you called the police, or after? [/quote]
Fortunately my son was in the same game so his laughter and reply of "xxx don't be such a drama llama" stopped me making a right twit of myself 😁

Great thread

I suspect we’re the overheard ones here! DH and I are quite...loud

Mostly to be heard will be me asking youngest to change his pants as left to his own devices I’m not sure he’d ever change them. Also managed to throw away some threadbare tiny ones.

This week I was in absolute hysterics as same youngest told me that ‘dad fixed my fanny boy’. I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so much

To be clear, a ‘fanny boy’ is the fan and he is EIGHT! pants mentioned earlier were age 3-4....