To ask for funny things you've heard from next door gardens?

[HotdogwithKetchup]

We've been out a lot with DC in the garden the past few days and have been hearing more of our neighbours that we usually would! Outer London so tiny suburban gardens.

The single guy behind us has moved his home "office" into the garden and is conducting all his work calls there in bad-tempered French. I can hear him sighing when our youngest shouts, "Need a wee" or screams in the paddling-pool but he hasn't said anything yet which I'm grateful for.

The neighbour behind on the other side is doing some sort of DIY project...So drills, sawing, hammering. I can hear single French guy sighing audibly at this too. I'm on his side if he murders the guy . But he might come for us first...

Next to us we have two older girls (around 11 and 8). They've been building a shelter using sheets in the garden, but the oldest (who is very...assertive!) is convinced the youngest one is doing it all wrong. She knows, you see, since she's been doing Guides and they do shelters all the time .

The other side is flats, one of which is empty and for sale. We never see the upstairs resident. I'm not sure he really exists. Nothing from downstairs today, but over the past few weeks I've enjoyed eavesdropping on the estate agent's sales talk in the garden.

All fairly mundane. Has anyone as nosy as me heard anything really interesting?

A famous ex politician lives next door (not UK, very humble little second residences).
He's out all day fixing his bicycle and singing stirring marching songs very loudly.

DC spend all the time hanging over the fence when he has a BBQ in case anyone famous turns up so they can pap them and sell the photo to the newspaper.

DS is potty training and I've exclaimed more than once that he shouldn't poo on the patio.

Similar here, also potty-training... Also my terrible parenting..."If you do a poo on the potty and not on the grass, I'll let you watch Peppa Pig and you can have an ice lolly."

@blueskys72, @Winecrispschocolatecats, @AngelicInnocent, in fact, @everyone. .

Not sure about funny, ( I didn't find it so.) but the child next door screeched "You've only got one eye! for over a dozen times, yesterday.
I presume that he doesn't like his sibling.
At least, I pray that's all it is...

Things my neighbours have probably heard:

“Don’t lick the cat”
“Don’t hit your sister with a lightsaber”
“No you DONT need a jacket it is 33 degrees outside.”
“You’ve done a big poo - oh errr well done”

@8Track. .

My neighbors have built a little summer house for their hot tub. I was cutting the grass earlier when I heard a visiting child yell "oh my god. Why are your mums knickers in here? Ewww. I'm getting out. I'm gonna vom."

Finished work and just sat in the garden. I was actually thinking how peaceful it was compared to a decade ago when I would be up and down like a yo yo with the kids and their friends. How I really didn't miss the noise because it was hard work at times in the summer.

Then next door's 17 year old from his bedroom window ( which is always open) does intermittent shouts on his game. He has a loud booming voice and raucous laughter but quiet as a mouse in person.

Then other neighbour appears to be clearing her garage out with the help of her son and putting something together " I'm sure you can find a film on you tube about it" and " Well if you think it needs a deep clean with the jet wash you go ahead son, go for it."

I really like my neighbour's though. I'm lucky.

My kids are all grown up now, and I am a very quiet household, but I remember when the children were young, the neighbours were convulsed by my frequent shouts of 'Will you stop licking the chickens!'

My daughter was very enamoured of her bantams.

Heard mum with a young baby sing this song each time she changes a nappy "clean, clean clean the bum, of the boy who trumps for fun, clean clean under the balls, don't forget the testicles (because they're important)" It seems to work because baby is such a smiley baby and I never hear him cry

Our neighbours are Romanian. I wish I spoke the language as they have some very animated conversations and loud phone calls.

I heard a swearword come through the wall for the first time ion 10 years...and an anguished ''YOU'RE A HORRIBLE PARENT!!!''

But apart from that, just try not to eavesdrop.

My DS with previous neighbours actually held his ear to the wall when a really angry row was taking place.. Between a stepmother and a stepdaughter. The words ''Don't you EVER, EVER do that again'' came loud enough to hear from stepdaughter's mouth.

Turned out stepmum had been reading stepdaughter's diaries. {stepdaughter told me }...Terraces are not ideal for privacy!

@Winecrispschocolatecats did you find this out before you called the police, or after?

Next door neighbours have a hot tub. While they were all in it, the little lad said " my willy won't stay down?!"

We were once treated to live commentary of a guinea pig giving birth.
“Dad, do something! She’s eating her babies!”

Little boy next door is 3 and does have a quite a shout on him, shouts from the garden "are you having a wee dad!!??". Much muttering could then be heard from the bathroom window.

@Skybooks

My neighbours must hear, "put your pants back on" "I don't want to see your willy" and " have you washed your hands" too often

Al

Men eh?!!

A couple of years ago my old next door neighbours were having a proper barney when she screamed 'every morning I wake up I hope you've died in your sleep you miserable bastard'.
They were in the pub later that night all loved up...

A neighbour of mine once called out to her DH in a panic about something. He's fairly hard of hearing so she had to really yell:

"Fred... FRED... FRED!!!!! Come upstairs quickly!!! And bring a black sack with you".

This wasn't in a garden, but I think the best we heard from one lot of neighbours was (female voice) 'Ooh ooh, stick your finger up my bum!'

Teenage neighbour having a row with her mum. Mum suddenly erupts with:

'I BREASTFED YOU AND YOUR BROTHER FOR THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME, THERE WAS NO FAVOURITISM!'

I had to go in as I couldn't contain my laughter

I'm missing out. No small children and mostly single people as neighbours.

I heard a blood curdling scream coming from next doors garden and went rushing out. I thought there would definitely have been a horrible accident, possibly requiring stitches or CPR.

I saw my neighbour coming back down her garden "its okay" she said "her sister took her dolly".

And relax.

@IsThisTheKrustyKrab. Of all the things! Teens can make an argument out of anything !

NDN. Bathroom window wide open shouts his DP 'will you being me a bog roll. I've had a shit but there's nothing to wipe my arse with we were

@oldbagface

NDN. Bathroom window wide open shouts his DP 'will you being me a bog roll. I've had a shit but there's nothing to wipe my arse with we were

This is the PERFECT definition of TMI. Why else would anyone shout 'bring me a bog roll'. What would anyone THINK they wanted it for - to build a scale model of the Eiffel Tower?