To ask for funny things you've heard from next door gardens?

[HotdogwithKetchup]

We've been out a lot with DC in the garden the past few days and have been hearing more of our neighbours that we usually would! Outer London so tiny suburban gardens.

The single guy behind us has moved his home "office" into the garden and is conducting all his work calls there in bad-tempered French. I can hear him sighing when our youngest shouts, "Need a wee" or screams in the paddling-pool but he hasn't said anything yet which I'm grateful for.

The neighbour behind on the other side is doing some sort of DIY project...So drills, sawing, hammering. I can hear single French guy sighing audibly at this too. I'm on his side if he murders the guy . But he might come for us first...

Next to us we have two older girls (around 11 and 8). They've been building a shelter using sheets in the garden, but the oldest (who is very...assertive!) is convinced the youngest one is doing it all wrong. She knows, you see, since she's been doing Guides and they do shelters all the time .

The other side is flats, one of which is empty and for sale. We never see the upstairs resident. I'm not sure he really exists. Nothing from downstairs today, but over the past few weeks I've enjoyed eavesdropping on the estate agent's sales talk in the garden.

All fairly mundane. Has anyone as nosy as me heard anything really interesting?

Can i swap my NDN for someone more entertaining please. She spends a lot of time in the garden on her mobile telling whoever she calls about her trips to Sainsburys and each item she has bought there. This has gone on for at least four days and I am bored of it.

@blueskys72 You win!

not in the garden but my dad very loudly told us about something he watched with very life like sex dolls and went into great detail (being able to wash them out 🤮) in the middle of Starbucks. I would have been embarrassed but i couldnt stop laughing

My neighbours have two teen dd’s who have started a YouTube channel. We hear them recording new videos in the garden and then having to restart, multiple times, because my dc’s noise has interrupted them! Also hear them arguing about the content and fighting for screen time 🤣

Then there’s my dc. I feel sorry for my neighbours. The other day my twins had an argument resulting in one telling the other he needs to social distance away from him. Spent the whole day shouting ‘2 meters’ every time his brother went near him! There’s also dd who has decided she’s Mariah Carey during lockdown 🙄

@HotdogwithKetchup

During the Great Bog Roll Shortage of March 2020, my youngest put three (yes, three!) of the six loo rolls I had obtained by queuing at 6.50am outside our local shop down the toilet just for fun....

Is he still with us?

This thread is giving me the giggles, especially Dadolph

Blocks of flats, and I too like to take my book and a glass of wine into the balcony when I finish work (and pretend I'm now on holiday) and luckily our neighbours are generally pretty quiet. Downstairs do have some friends round quite frequently though who talk in the LOUDEST voices all we hear is bray bray bray yah yah yah.

We do have a nice patch of grass in front though which catches the evening sun in a picturesque way and we seem to get all manner of 'Instagram' people to watch doing silly posing - there's the chap who films himself squatting or bicep curling his girlfriend (albeit only for 5 seconds) and some teenage girls who like to get dressed to the nines, bring out a full length mirror (onto the footpath) and literally spend an hour or more taking photographs of themselves posing. That has been keeping us amused during lockdown.

Our next door neighbours have 2 lovely boys aged approx 5 and 2. A few weeks ago I heard the eldest telling his younger brother ‘do you know what a sorcerer is? It’s a magical man’ . We love listening to them playing together.

My neighbours have two girls aged 4 and 18 months, I frequently hear the older telling the younger off
‘ get your own princess, you are not having mine’
‘ if you pull my dress I will hit you with Ariel’
Youngest crying as she wants to get off the swing
‘ but you like it’

Our neighbours are Romanian. I wish I spoke the language as they have some very animated conversations and loud phone calls.

On an unrelated note (cough) there is Google translate Conversation

We hear our neighbour on the phone to various relatives throughout the day. I don't think she has a regular phone I think she uses a cup and string. It's soooooo loud!

I went through a phase of hearing funny mobile phone conversations, one memorable one was, "No I said a jam jar. A jam jar, tell her to use a jam jar." I'd love to know what that was about. I was thinking of writing a book of funny things I heard but I think the Gods heard my plans and everyone started going quiet round me. I think it was my only chance to write a book.

I once heard male neighbour next door let out a very loud aggressive fart. Wife hisses back ‘Pack it in’ to which he meekly replied ‘I can’t help it, it was that chicken’.

I heard a little girl calling Daddy over and over the other day. He was not responding as it had been going on a while but eventually snapped WHAT? in an slightly irritated manner.
There was a moment's pause then the little girls voice said " I love you daddy " .
It was very sweet !

No you can't put the pigs on the trampoline, it's too hot.

These are hysterical, so many ring a bell re: the children, never thought of the neighbours being entertained.

I wonder if you're my neighbour, @Tupperwarelid! I'm so nosy I'm dying to know what our Romanian neighbours are shouting in their garden all the time. Always seems very lively... They're out there now having a conversation that could be a jovial catch up or could be death threats, who knows?!

I imagine I'm the one our neighbours laugh at. I do a lot of talking nonsense and singing with my OH.

My neighbours found it hilarious when i was in the shower screaming at the husbamd to get the f*ing spider!!, when i went into the garden later they were like, im sorry but that was hilarious and offered me a glass off wine!!. They often here me shout at the kids i have a 1, 5 and 7 year old the 7 year old recently decided hes spiderman and tried to swing across the room and grab the wall. He failed and we nearly had to call an ambulance for him! The. Noise and screaming that ensued scared everyone!

@VictoriousSockPuppet. Is he still with us?

Just. I was going to strangle him, but locked him in a dark cupboard with mice nibbling his toes until I'd calmed down.

Then I queued up again at 6.50am the next day as they were unloading the lorries...

As a sort of reaction to that time, we now keep no less than 150 toilet rolls in the house at all times. DH counted them the other day and suggested we stop buying them for a while. Personally, I think we need more...

I once made my neighbour chuckle for asking my husband who was in the bathroom to open the window for the spider, tbf it did sound rather like the spider was some sort of pet but he was just a visitor 😊

@sunshineandshowers21

a couple of days ago my neighbours had a massive screaming row about who ate the last mars bar there was screaming, shouting, slamming doors, the woman locked the man in the back garden. when they finally calmed down they sat in the back garden together and my eldest shouted really loudly ‘mum, have we got any mars bars? i could just eat a mars bar’ 😂 i was howling.

Can I marry your eldest?! That’s utter class from him!

@Bubbletrouble43 you win! Also where you from cus this could of been me and DP😂

Bummed her over the slide that’s hilarious 😂

@RollaCola84

Not overhead in the garden but from my garden. I like to sit outside with a drink and a book after work and it coincides with bath time next door. My neighbours are potty training one of their children and they have a song.....

Potty training my toddler (failing miserably), would love to know how the song goes and what the tune is! Pretty please!

Lots of burping and farting and that's the female of the pairing!

At my old house when my neighbour and friend were discussing their dogs who were siblings.....friend says to neighbour "Well his father should have been a schnauzer" I just died!

A couple who used to live next door to me split up and put the house up for sale. It took ages to sell and in the meantime the woman met someone else, who soon moved into the house she still shared with her ex...

The three of them used to have the most spectacular rows. Sometimes it would be her shrieking at her ex, another time it would be her arguing with the new boyfriend, or the two men yelling at each other. Occasionally all three of them were having a blazing row. It really was a relief when the house sold.