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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my 6 year old got her ears pierced?

328 replies

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 18:49

My ex and I share 50/50 custody of my daughter (nothing in writing). My daughter is 6 and has been asking me for a couple of weeks to get her ears pierced.

I didn't have a problem with this as she is old enough to ask and she understood it would hurt and would both have to keep them clean. I had said though that we would wait a while as I wasn't sure places were doing it due to coronavirus.

Today I got a FaceTime from my daughter and her dad had taken her into Claire's accessories to get her ears pierced. He hasn't even discussed it with me or let me know. I am more hurt than angry as I feel that's a mummy and daughter activity and I would have at least liked to have been there for it.

After explaining to him that I am disappointed he has apologised. However, I can't help feeling still sad. Also, I went to see my daughter to see her ears and she was telling me that my ex MIL was telling my daughter to tell me that "if you're not fast, your last". This has really pissed me off and I've sent her a text.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Gazelda · 04/08/2020 18:54

Incan understand you're feeling sad. And it's good that your ex understood your feelings and apologised. Your ex MIL seems to enjoy point scoring and you're best avoiding her.
But at the end of the day, the most important thing is that your DD is happy, she knows how to take care of her ears and she doesn't feel as though her family are making a big deal of this.

Porcupineinwaiting · 04/08/2020 18:55

Did you discuss it with your ex before you said yes to your dd? I think you are being a bit unreasonable tbh, I'm not sure why it would be a mother and daughter activity particularly. Sorry you are upset though.

cakecakecheese · 04/08/2020 18:58

If you were against it then he absolutely should not have done it, but you were OK with her having it done so I don't see the issue. Ex MIL sounds like a delight though Hmm

Original poster
thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 19:00

@Porcupineinwaiting me and my ex had always said when she's old enough to ask we will let her get them done. But it would have at least been a discussion I would have had with him.

"Daughter wants her ears pierced, is that okay?"

Instead he took her into Claire's to get some things and said oh they do ear piercing here, do you want it done? And that was that.

OP posts:
NewjobMrsM · 04/08/2020 19:00

would you have consulted him and asked him if HE would have liked to have been present

As a mum of dd myself i dont see this as a mum daughter activity I would be ok with dh or my mum or sis or aunts taking her if the moment arose

However it is good he apologised that it annoyed you and my main gripe would be ex mil petty nature

SmileEachDay · 04/08/2020 19:01

A six year old?

Why on earth would you let her get her ears pierced? It’s totally unnecessary. I’m mystified by people who do this - children’s bodies don’t need prettifying.

Dugsbollox · 04/08/2020 19:01

I'd be annoyed that he got it done in Claire's, of all places. It should have been discussed between you beforehand.

FredaFox · 04/08/2020 19:03

Mother daughter activity? That’s excessive but I agree he could have messaged to say I’m taking DD to get her ears done
He might have wanted a Daddy daughter activity. As a daddy’s girl growing up I’d have loved my dad to do things like that with me, he took me the football instead 😂(I loved it)

GameSetMatch · 04/08/2020 19:03

I don’t see it as a mother daughter activity, my Nan took me many moons ago, I understand you may feel a bit hurt because you wanted to do it, but would you really of asked your EX for permission?

Original poster
thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 19:04

@SmileEachDay eh? She's not a baby, she wanted it done. Why would I say no?

OP posts:
Cryalot2 · 04/08/2020 19:04

Sad , but you can't undo it now.
Accept it and make sure she looks after them, cleaning and turning them.
Just make sure your ex is aware of your views in future.
Your ex mil sounds a pain .

TheQueef · 04/08/2020 19:04

When I was six I wanted to be a caveman.

Original poster
thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 19:05

@TheQueef ears pierced/caveman...yes the two are really comparable and equally realistic Confused

OP posts:
KittyFantastico · 04/08/2020 19:05

I don't think you can really be angry about the piercing seeing as you didn't mind her having them done but I do agree he should have at least given you the heads up to check it was okay (and definitely unreasonable to go to Claire's who, IMO, shouldn't be allowed to do piercings).

Your ex-MIL sounds lovely, I'd ignore her because whatever response you give will be twisted to make it sound like you're the bad guy. I have a MIL exactly like it. Luckily not responding is the best way to piss off people who are fishing for a response.

Bitchinkitchen · 04/08/2020 19:06

YABU. You agreed that when she was old enough to ask, you'd let her have them done. She asked, he let her have them done. Just like you agreed. You don't have a leg to stand on here, and tbh i wouldn't have complained to your ex about it if i were you. If you two were still together and he'd done it without inviting you, then yes you could be hurt. But you're not, so it's not his problem. And by making it his problem you gave his mother (she sounds charming btw) ammunition to use to needle you.

Also, ear piercing isn't a mother/daughter thing. My dad took me. I still have a great relationship with my mum.

KittyFantastico · 04/08/2020 19:07

I took DD to get hers done, she was also 6, but I definitely didn't see it as a bonding activity.

Aragog · 04/08/2020 19:07

I don't think you're supposed to turn earrings now are you? Isn't a case of just regular salt water bathing morning and night? I thought twisting then damaged the scarring skin more.

peachgreen · 04/08/2020 19:07

I'd be incandescent if someone got my child's ears pierced at Claire's, and during a pandemic no less. Ridiculous. They shouldn't be doing piercings at the best of times because they don't do them properly, but particularly not right now!

Dee1975 · 04/08/2020 19:10

I’d be pissed off too. He should have checked with you it was ok to do it ‘that day’. It’s a big deal and I agree would have been nice for you to have done it with her / been there too.
Good he apologises and maybe have another unwritten rule that you both discuss ‘timings’ of the bigger stuff.

SmileEachDay · 04/08/2020 19:11

She's not a baby, she wanted it done. Why would I say no?

Because it’s entirely unnecessary and highly likely to get infected, given that most 6 year olds are up trees and splashing and digging etc.

It will hurt when she lies on it. Unnecessary.

Also because at 6 the less encouragement she gets to focus on how she looks, the better.

But, your kid, your rulzzzz. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Stuckforthefourthtime · 04/08/2020 19:11

I'd be incandescent if someone got my child's ears pierced at Claire's, and during a pandemic no less. Ridiculous. They shouldn't be doing piercings at the best of times because they don't do them properly, but particularly not right now!

That. I agree that it doesn't need to be a mummy and me thing.

HelloDulling · 04/08/2020 19:14

I’d be a bit sad too. But it’s not the end of the world.

Your ex MIL, though, sounds like a very nasty piece of work.

corythatwas · 04/08/2020 19:14

I don't get why you have the monopoly on special moments when he is the other parent.

But fully agree with pp about having it done at Claire's during a pandemic: I'd have been fuming about that bit.

(assuming I approved of 6yos having their ears pierced in the first place).

timetest · 04/08/2020 19:14

There should have been a discussion first. He was in the wrong. At least he had the grace to apologise.

IndecentFeminist · 04/08/2020 19:14

It isn't necessarily mummy/daughter, but I think either parent should check with the other. Especially non resident/resident.

MiL sounds like a dick